Dad Chat

[ndufour]

Both my parents are highly supportive. Indeed, my mom forces anyone who will listen to hear my application, test scores, goals, life story, etc. despite her pretending as if she only tells people who ask.

[stella]

My dad died before I graduated from high school. I'm not a huge fan of my mom... good times.

shoutout, bubotuberpus! 'cept mom is dead and dad's not so cool...

my friends are incredible, though.

[nandelle]

My parents are supportive but hands-off...I get the impression that my mom would rather have me get a job and start climbing the corporate ladder than go to grad school, but with the current economic situation she's starting to come around. My Dad is cool with just about anything, I think. So they listen and are sympathetic when I talk to them about grad school stuff, and give me advice when I ask, and my mom read one of my essays once, but they don't really ask questions about the process, or ask if I've heard back, etc.

[deianira]

My parents are pushy and very critical. They both have advanced degrees (dad used to be a university math professor and department head), and they have berated me for not going to grad school sooner for the last 8 years, despite the fact that I've had a successful and lucrative career. That said, I know they mean well and just want the best for me. It was very bizarre to have my dad (whose clothes are purchased exclusively by my mom, usually without his presence) try to give me fashion advice about what to wear to grad school interviews.

[Emma2003]

My Dad is very supportive. There's a West wing quote about if you use one word where you can use ten, you're just not trying hard enough. My Dad feels that way about school. He has his PhD in engineering and went back to get another higher degree in metalurgy? (i'm outside of my field here, so excuse if I'm confused)! My mom has a bachelor's in history and one in nursing and a masters in library sciences. You can imagine how frustrating for them it was when I waited until almost ten years after graduating high school to start my bachelor's, and took almost another ten to complete it. They are extremely supportive. Personally, I am going to mail him a copy of every acceptance I get. (Here's hopin for 4 out of 4!)

[guenevere01]

My parents died a long time ago, so my grandparents are basically my parents, which is ok with me since they are wonderful. I don't think Grandpa really even understands that I'm applying to grad schools - he just knows that I might move really far away for several years, so I think he's generally against the idea. Whenever Grandma mentions it (which isn't very often), he just kind of stares into space like he's completely uninterested. Denial is a powerful thing. He does get kind of emotional now when I go visit, which is weird since he was very hard-core when I was growing up.

I'm not a 1st-generation college student technically, but I am in the first generation of WOMEN in my family to get a degree, at least for the last few generations - one of my relatives was one of the first women in the US to graduate from medical school, or something like that, but it's been downhill from there. So, the "expectation" from the elders has always been that I'll get some meaningless job for a while, then get married and have lots of babies and stay home to take care of them. In light of the utter disaster this mode of thinking brought upon my mother's generation, I'm not sure why the grandparents haven't given up on this idea. I guess they think it's still the 1950s. Thank goodness it isn't!

[Emma2003]

Amen to that sister!

[Louiselab]

We fight.

I research. Study. Debate. Publish. But he watched the Ken Burns special on PBS so he knows more. I'm wrong. Wong, wrong, wrong. My family responds to my news of acceptance by saying, "sooo, you're like, still a student?" or "But, you're not going to be a real doctor, right?" or my personal favorite, "that's because she can read, y'know." Although I did call and tell my grandmother who responded, "who is this?" and hung up.

[deianira]

[quote name="Louiselab

[Jakrabite]

My parents are very supportive. My mother is a Professor herself. I know they won't rip on me if I don't get any admits. But at the same time, I would feel like I let them down. Sucks to be in this zero admit position this time of February.

[Dubya]

My parents want me to go the most prestigious university that I get accepted to...even if it's not the best in my field. They can't seem to wrap their heads around the fact that Harvard is not my top choice and that I'm considering leaving my current university. They much rather pay for me to go somewhere that will enable them to brag to their friends as opposed to getting fully funded at somewhere less prestigious (which is just about everywhere in their eyes). Oh well. What can you do?

[RF237]

My parents are super supportive and have been since I was applying to undergrad. Mom has some college, Dad has a law degree. They think it's cool that I want to be an academic. Which is good, because they've pretty much never stopped supporting me financially and plan on continuing to help support me for however long my PhD takes. I boomeranged home for two years after getting a liberal arts BA, took out massive loans to get an MA abroad, and boomeranged back home again while I figured out the PhD thing. They supported me every step of the way, even when I passed up an MA with funding here for the one abroad. I have paid my own way through the application process, but they're already planning on paying my cell phone bill and taking me on occasional shopping sprees for the next 5-7 years. Most importantly, if I go to a school in an area with a cheap housing market, they're considering buying an investment property there (i.e, a house) that I could live in and rent out the other rooms to coverage the mortgage and associated costs (and no, they're not rich, just solidly middle middle class, so it would be a big investment for them). Which would make it much easier to leave on a tiny stipend! (Maybe I can even pay my own cell phone bill then!) Can't get more supportive than that!

[rocket_queen]

Where is Pierre when we need him??

Slap those hands! Spread those wings! Feather those bangs! Shake your buns!

Now think about your dad!

What's your dad like?

I want to meet that dad!

Doo dah doo doo!

I want your dad's email address so I can send him some links.

Say hi to your Pep-Pep for me!

http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episode ... a00151ae09

[poliscidude]

I don't think my parents fully understand what going for a PhD entails, but they are generally supportive so long as I can hack it financially. They just want me to be happy with how I make a living. With things looking bleak on the acceptance front, I'm going to feel embarrassed if I have to tell them (along with other relatives, friends and coworkers) that I didn't get in anywhere. Most people don't fully grasp the daunting odds even very qualified people face in getting in or how subjective the application/decision process is. I didn't anticipate how much of a mental toll applying and waiting would take. Uggghhh

[liszt85]

Dad's a total freak.. cheated on mom all his life, then cheated on the other women he'd been with, and now got remarried. Left town after spreading vicious lies about the nature of my mom's relationship with a 20 year old boy whom she considers her son (he used to travel 3 hours to get to his college where my mom teaches and she let him stay with her in the house so that he could concentrate on his studies and not on traveling and getting to college hungry. She fed him and treated him like a son and he now treats her like a mom and is about the only person taking care of her at the moment as both me and my sis study about 1000 miles away from home)

My mom's very supportive, is selling some land so that she could give me some money to start off life in the US, especially since I'd be taking along my future spouse.. So I cannot depend solely on my stipend, need some extra cash to fall back on. I constantly keep asking mom to join us in the US, at least after she retires, but she insists that this is where she belongs and all I want to do is get away from this country.. I hate it here. I hope she changes her mind when I get a job after my Ph.D and joins me wherever I'd be.

[otakupaul]

[quote name="Louiselab

[dherres]

I think this process has really brought my dad and I closer together. We were in conflict for YEARS: I put them (he and my mom) through hell with drug addiction and suicide attempts in college; until recently, he had a very hard time accepting that I'm gay; when I converted to paganism and Wicca in high school, he was thoroughly convinced it was Satanic and strictly policed my activities, books, TV shows, etc (I've since renounced that and identify as simply agnostic). But he's been incredibly supportive during the last year as I've put in work to go to grad school. (He's become supportive in other areas before that, but I can see a big change in this arena.)

Samples from his latest text messages, after I received another rejection:

"That state is too cold anyway. Don't let it get you down, you're doing great."

"You're the one who as done all the work, Mom and I have been fortunate to be part of it and cheer you on."

"This is part of the process you go through, it will work out."

Really, I'm starting to tear up over it. So even if things don't work out the way I had initially planned, I'm certainly gaining something important through it all.

Both he and my mother have Master's degrees, and my uncle has a PhD, so higher education isn't unknown in my family. I am, though, the first in my generation to graduate college, so everyone's pretty excited.

[LinguistK]

I love this thread! Some very nice stories. I myself have kept my parents 100% in the dark...they don't even know where I've applied. They tend to get critical and down on me without realizing it, so I usually don't tell them about decision I'm mulling over. For example (this happened last year before I actually applied to school and stopped me from applying last year): "Mom, I'm thinking of applying to grad school to study Linguistics." "Honey, do you really think you're smart enough for that? I don't think you'd be very good at grad school." Thanks, Mom. These days it's more like, "I'm getting married on this day. Hope you're there." That way she has no room for her unwelcome comments.

The parents and I are very close telephonically but not physically (we're on opposite coasts). However...I've learned to trust myself as opposed to their ridiculous opinions and inappropriate comments. Kudos to all of you with supportive parents though...I'm jealous!

[void]

Ok I completely love this thread. My family story with regards to grad school is kind of sweet now that I think about it. Neither of my parents supported my decision initially. My mom thought I was going into financial ruin by being interested in a PhD in the humanities (both parents are accountants with degrees in the sciences) and nieve to think I could cut it. My dad pretty much completely ignored the fact that I was applying. While I was actually applying for my M.A., my mom started to change her mind and figured she'd support me. My dad still ignored it and treated it like it was my drug addiction. While I was actually working on my M.A. and my parents saw how serious I was about it, they both became really supportive. My dad, who I hardly spoke with throughout childhood and early adulthood (despite living in the same house in childhood), and I actually became fairly close as he started showing interest in what I was doing and asking me how my thesis was going.

Anyways, now that I am applying for PhD programs, and have been admitted to a few, one with a 4 yr fellowship, my parents are totally supportive and happy for me. They really do not quite get exactly what I am doing, still want me to settle down and have babies instead, and are a little opposed to my obsession with feminist theory, but they are very supportive and helped read my SOP and CV and so forth.

[cogneuroforfun]

Both my parents have bachelor's, but no one in my family has done grad school. When I told my dad about how tough the top schools are to get into, he would just smile and nod. When I told him I got interviews/acceptances to some top schools and that I couldn't believe it and how excited I was, he would just smile again and say he didn't know what I was so worried about and that he never doubted I'd have my pick of schools. Thanks dad

[40404]

My dad is an MD, my mom has a bachelors. They are both supportive but I think they don't realize how tough it is to get admission to graduate schools. They always say, "for sure you'll get in". Now, I hope I don't prove them wrong.

[GirlattheHelm]

Both my parents have been godsends to put up with all of my antics. They've let me take over the house, they've tolerated and not skinned me for blowing crap up, growing stuff, breeding critters, or tinkering with my archery and love of guns.

My father is a man of few words, a hermit like mentality. He's chalked full of fantastic dry stories, loads of humor, a love for beer, and (in his spare time) is a mechanical genius. He is a high school graduate who went into the trade world and became a butcher - just as his father did before him and his father before that... While living with three insane women - my mother, sister and I - who have a love affair with Estrogen Insanity, he doesn't say a word. Instead, he is graceful in his defeat, accepts that he is outnumbered, pays the bills with graciousness and still, for some reason, doesn't plot our untimely deaths (or at least hasn't acted upon it). I love my passive-aggressive dad because he's the reason I get to do what I do; and I'm doing this so I can hopefully I can pay that all back one day.

My mother is the psychotic backbone of the family structure, with a love for socializing, a tongue like a razor, and a melodramatic drama queen attitude. She's obsessed with Fox News and gossip. She has her BA in Social work and has never let me forget how much she regrets never getting her Masters. After her stint working as a social worker in the local hospital she now works for my father, managing her time between our 200+ acre farm, our lives, finances, and futures. She also tends to her hobbies of horse breeding, antagonizing the dog, sewing, quilting and other handy crafts while praying that one day my sister and I will get married to men that afford us or at least achieve jobs that can do that.

These two amazing people are why I'm even in college. I fought tooth and nail. I came to a college with a man I was going to elope with and when that came crashing down, they still sent me back. One more year they said...

...and when I became a Deans List student with an outrageous GPA, a research assistant, a worker, and traveled 12,000 miles to do work that I loved, they were pleased. They keep signing the checks, they keep telling me to go for it. I couldn't do it without them...

Though I have my suspicion that it's all just a ploy to keep me out of the house.

[MDLee]

My dad thinks that education is a waste of time for a woman. He put up with my double-bacc undergrad status. He shook his head at my need for an MA. But when chatting with him about PhD options he bluntly let me know that I was putting off reality and that I needed to get a job, get married, and be pregnant. Like all good women should, I suppose.

My stepfather, on the other hand, is like, "You want to get MORE education? Heck yes!!"

My mother...goes back and forth. She's proud, but not wanting to show it, and she's really disappointed that I didn't apply to Ohio State (oy Lord. If I hear about the Buckeyes ONE MORE TIME LoL!!)