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Finding a husband in graduate school.


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I really do read and I'm trying to take all the advice given. I HATE being sad and miserable everyday but for me it is like.. Ok say you have a top school that you are DYING to get into, like you want it so much, more than anything else and everyone else you know is getting into your top school so easily, AND they are getting full scholarships! Wouldn't you be a little pissy about it? While you're waiting a million and 1 years to find out. That's what dating is like, I'm waiting, dying, having a ton of false alarms and then still empty handed. I am very lucky in other aspects of my life. I got into all my programs they are all offering decent funding but I wish a little of my luck would trickle down to my dating life. I am doing therapy and that has helped a lot. I just hit a down slump with this new job. It takes all my free time and I'm meeting cool people but obviously not attractive single men. I know that shouldn't be my priority though. Just not knowing when it'll happen scares me. I don't want to be the "always a bridesmaid never a bride" girl! (Well I actually never want to be a bridesmaid either... But whatever). If this guy asks me out again I will go. I just don't want to feel like I'm wasting time because if he isn't the one and I date him then what if I could have met the one? Lol ok nvm overthinking and it isn't like my door is being kicked down by potentials lol

Thanks:)

Edited by CorruptedInnocence
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I'm a good wife and mother. My qualities as a wife: I am a whole person without him. I love him and I have trouble sleeping without him there (seriously, it's a pain), but I do not need him to be h

False. A lot of people who posted (myself included) were NOT in "a relationship at 23." People have given you PLENTY of great advice on this thread (and the other one that you've been posting in), and

Really? Ok but you're a guy (I assume, from the username) so you have forever and a day to meet someone and have kids and stuff. You have no limit on your time to reproduce or anything whereas I'm 23

I personally don't believe in "the One". I think it's actually harmful to have such a high expectation of someone. Most happily married couples are not perfectly matched, but make it work. 

 

I used to think about this a lot. In a purely fantastical and reductive sense, there really can't be a "One". How would anyone account for widows and widowers remarrying? You had a life and kids with this amazing person, and then after some freak accident or something, they're gone! And 10 years later, you're remarried to the new love of your life? It just doesn't jive, poetically speaking.

 

Also, I've read somewhere that people can be compatible enough with about 1 out of every 100 people they meet to spend the rest of their lives together. If there are 3.5 billion men in the world, and a third are within your prime marrying age range, and half of them are single, and you are compatible enough with 1% of them to get married, then you're looking at about 6 million potential suitors. I'm terrible at math, but I think those are decent odds.

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I used to think about this a lot. In a purely fantastical and reductive sense, there really can't be a "One". How would anyone account for widows and widowers remarrying? You had a life and kids with this amazing person, and then after some freak accident or something, they're gone! And 10 years later, you're remarried to the new love of your life? It just doesn't jive, poetically speaking.

 

Also, I've read somewhere that people can be compatible enough with about 1 out of every 100 people they meet to spend the rest of their lives together. If there are 3.5 billion men in the world, and a third are within your prime marrying age range, and half of them are single, and you are compatible enough with 1% of them to get married, then you're looking at about 6 million potential suitors. I'm terrible at math, but I think those are decent odds.

Oh thank God for that!! I mean like 86% of people get married so I mean I should eventually.

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I really do read and I'm trying to take all the advice given. I HATE being sad and miserable everyday but for me it is like.. Ok say you have a top school that you are DYING to get into, like you want it so much, more than anything else and everyone else you know is getting into your top school so easily, AND they are getting full scholarships! Wouldn't you be a little pissy about it? While you're waiting a million and 1 years to find out. That's what dating is like, I'm waiting, dying, having a ton of false alarms and then still empty handed. I am very lucky in other aspects of my life. I got into all my programs they are all offering decent funding but I wish a little of my luck would trickle down to my dating life. I am doing therapy and that has helped a lot. I just hit a down slump with this new job. It takes all my free time and I'm meeting cool people but obviously not attractive single men. I know that shouldn't be my priority though. Just not knowing when it'll happen scares me. I don't want to be the "always a bridesmaid never a bride" girl! (Well I actually never want to be a bridesmaid either... But whatever). If this guy asks me out again I will go. I just don't want to feel like I'm wasting time because if he isn't the one and I date him then what if I could have met the one? Lol ok nvm overthinking and it isn't like my door is being kicked down by potentials lol

Thanks:)

The luck might trickle down if you just relax and stop thinking about dating as a waste of time if it doesn't lead to super chemistry within one date. I mean in your own opinion, who wants to date someone who might think of the date as a waste of time? It's rude. And that's what we're trying to get through to you - at this point it seems like you are barely respectful of guys as individuals, you are just using them to get what you really want, a relationship. They are just a means to an end instead of the focus and they can probably tell.

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You should get an advanced degree in something if you're passionate about it. All other reasons are inherently flawed.

 

...

 

Yes, even that one.

 

...

 

And that one.

 

...

 

No! Stop trying to think of a way around it; you have to really believe that's what you want to do for the rest of your life, or it's just not going to work. 

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Guest Gnome Chomsky

I am very lucky in other aspects of my life. I got into all my programs they are all offering decent funding but I wish a little of my luck would trickle down to my dating life

Maybe you should post your CV on Match.com.

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Quit trying so hard.  As others have mentioned, your attitude towards dating right now is unhealthy.

 

You're setting yourself up for an unhappy at best, and abusive/dependent relationship at worst.

 

Obviously you are wildly intelligent and capable of living life while sailing your own ship, alone.  The best love will find you when you're a whole, happy person yourself--your radiance will attract other whole, happy people.  I know we're probably not deterring you much based on your replies, but please file our posts away somewhere in the back of your mind. 

 

You will be happy.  Time is the best remedy for everything.  Besides cancer.

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Lol I'm totally famous now so thanks!

I hope some of your students are hot guys.

In all honesty though it is so sad that you go out of your way to make fun of me and make smart comments about how dumb I am or desperate or pathetic or whatever. I wish I could edit this so the specific person knows I am speaking directly to them BUT I'm sure they have an idea. Anyways you can say what you want, in the end you aren't better than me. I got into every school I applied to also, obviously I am somewhat smart. So have fun teaching your class about me, and making fun or whatever. At least I am honest with myself and other people, I have been extremely candid on this topic and I say kudos to me. Going out of your way to bring me down or make me feel bad is really sad. Anyways good luck in school and teaching and all that. Next time I would like an entire lesson plan about me;) actually collect your hottest students numbers and send them my way! I like tall athletic blondies... Ok go! Haha

Edited by CorruptedInnocence
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Lol I'm totally famous now so thanks!

I hope some of your students are hot guys.

In all honesty though it is so sad that you go out of your way to make fun of me and make smart comments about how dumb I am or desperate or pathetic or whatever. I wish I could edit this so the specific person knows I am speaking directly to them BUT I'm sure they have an idea. Anyways you can say what you want, in the end you aren't better than me. I got into every school I applied to also, obviously I am somewhat smart. So have fun teaching your class about me, and making fun or whatever. At least I am honest with myself and other people, I have been extremely candid on this topic and I say kudos to me. Going out of your way to bring me down or make me feel bad is really sad. Anyways good luck in school and teaching and all that. Next time I would like an entire lesson plan about me;) actually collect your hottest students numbers and send them my way! I like tall athletic blondies... Ok go! Haha

 

I don't think anyone here has gone out of their way to bring you down. You initiated a discussion and you have brought it in circles by lamenting the same things over and over and over. If you cannot see how your behavior on this site, specifically this thread, reflects rather negatively on you, then… well, it's pretty incredible. Yes, you have been candid and honest. But yet you have not internalized any advice, evidenced by your lamenting the same things over and over. People think you're a troll because the things you say and the frequency at which you say them are RIDICULOUS. Realize this.

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I don't think anyone here has gone out of their way to bring you down. You initiated a discussion and you have brought it in circles by lamenting the same things over and over and over. If you cannot see how your behavior on this site, specifically this thread, reflects rather negatively on you, then… well, it's pretty incredible. Yes, you have been candid and honest. But yet you have not internalized any advice, evidenced by your lamenting the same things over and over. People think you're a troll because the things you say and the frequency at which you say them are RIDICULOUS. Realize this.

Well first of all there is WAY more to that response that you wouldn't know. It was directed to that specific person and I'm sure they know why. Secondly you don't think that going out of your way to pull up this thread in your class for a laugh is trying to bring someone down? Ok well that's your opinion, I disagree but that's me. I get eat ever one is saying. I don't think everyone gets what I am saying. I'm sorry if you think it's funny or I'm trolling but I'm not and I am not going to go out of my way to prove that to you. If you don't like the thread then there are a million others on this website, I'm sure you can find something more interesting. :)

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Making fun? Perhaps a little. Mostly, though, the use of logical fallacies and unfounded assumptions in this thread are unmatchable. Seriously, I’ve never seen a better example. What’s better is that it’s a “real world” example of people (not just OP) using these negative writing techniques. I guess the lesson here is that if you don’t want to be mocked on the internet, maybe don’t post mockable stuff on the internet. Or, you know, learn how to communicate and control your rhetoric a little bit better. That second option would be a “win” all around.

Edited by Kamisha
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Making fun? Perhaps a little. Mostly, though, the use of logical fallacies and unfounded assumptions in this thread are unmatchable. Seriously, I’ve never seen a better example. What’s better is that it’s a “real world” example of people (not just OP) using these negative writing techniques. I guess the lesson here is that if you don’t want to be mocked on the internet, maybe don’t post mockable stuff on the internet. Or, you know, learn how to communicate and control your rhetoric a little bit better. That second option would be a “win” all around.

I think I will keep saying whatever I want and to can keep making fun of it lol I don't care that much. It is just sad in all honesty. Like I said good luck with that, I still say at least make this work out to my advantage also and send some of those numbers please and thank you!

Edited by CorruptedInnocence
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The fact that you're hoping that Kamisha's students are hot males really makes me hope there's no undergraduate teaching in your program...

I'm not teaching...? I am going to a grad program, I doubt that there will be undergrads in there BUT hey if there are I'm totally an equal opportunist!! I'm honestly just trying to make this whole thing a little bit funnier. It isn't a huge deal I just don't like the whole being intentionally hurtful thing. The overall topic isn't funny to me I mean you would think you could see that but obviously some just don't get it. Edited by CorruptedInnocence
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Guest Gnome Chomsky

I'm not teaching...? I am going to a grad program, I doubt that there will be undergrads in there BUT hey if there are I'm totally an equal opportunist!! I'm honestly just trying to make this whole thing a little bit funnier. It isn't a huge deal I just don't like the whole being intentionally hurtful thing. The overall topic isn't funny to me I mean you would think you could see that but obviously some just don't get it.

It was annoying in another thread a few months ago when people were hating on undergrads as if they were some kind of mindless breed of simpletons. It was because I mentioned how I'd be interested in chasing after some of the freshmen. Grad students need to get off their high horse. It's funny how professors are usually much more down-to-earth and relate better to undergrads than grad students. Reminds me of when I was in the bathroom in 2nd grade and these two kids asked me what grade I was in, and when I said 2nd they burst out into laughter. 

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