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Did anyone else actually like this process?


t_ruth

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I don't know, to me there seems a pretty big difference between being a professor, writing grant proposals and trying to get articles published, versus finding out whether or not you get a chance to ever be in that position. I doubt I am going to dislike being a professor just because I disliked experiencing months of intense anxiety about even having the option to enter this career path.

I did actually enjoy taking the Literature subject test, which I think officially makes me a sicko.

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Parts I liked

Picking schools

Getting the acceptance from a program that I was really excited about (namely Brandeis...to quote Homer Simpson: WOO HOO!).

Parts I hated (in specific order)

THE GRE: I already detest the idea of measuring anyone's competence by standardized testing, but all of the headaches and expense it caused throughout the process. I really hope that I will never have my ability judged by such a blind and arbitrary measure EVER AGAIN!

The waiting: Second-guessing yourself, moving from the highs of acceptance fantasies to the lows of cold, impersonal rejection letters and all of the agitated mid-air suspensions in between. Seeing the opportunities that you were so excited about vanish in a cloud of "we cannot recommend"s and "we did not reach a favorable decision"s. I haven't been as unproductive over so long a period since I was in middle school :oops:

The essays: Don't misunderstand me; I LOVE writing! If that weren't the case, I would certainly be heading in the wrong professional direction. I just hated having to make all of the choices regarding what to include (especially what I had to include to explain the more sordid bits of my academic past!) and what to leave out. (Most of the my applications limited us to 1000 words).

Would I do it again? Of course, but only because I am certain this is the career in which I will feel the most fulfilled. That said, I'm REALLY GLAD I don't have to do it again until job-hunting time!

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Parts I liked

Picking schools (when I assumed, like the silly putz I am, that most of them would accept me)

Getting the acceptance from a program that I was really excited about (namely Brandeis...to quote Homer Simpson: WOO HOO!).

Me too. I didn't assume most of them would accept me, but I liked researching schools, fantasizing about what kind of life I could have there, and just generally making plans for the future and choosing between options in my mind. I also liked getting a few acceptances and having visions of the future to juggle. Now that I've decided, I guess I'll have to start thinking about interesting excuses to travel for fieldwork, research, or conferences, since I am a travel junkie and I love making plans.

I also liked waiting just a little bit. It was torture, but exciting torture. It's so boring to check the mail and know there's no major news coming, just bank statements. This happened after I applied to college, too, I'd have this vestigial excitement about the mail and then remember the cycle was over and there was no more news.

There was plenty I hated, though:

1. The FEES!

2. The GRE, because who likes standardized testing?

3. The emailing and meeting professors, it made me horribly nervous and I couldn't really look at it as a networking opportunity because I was too busy worrying about not looking like an idiot. Campus visits after acceptance were fun, but before applying, they were awful.

4. The SOP writing, because I like writing about academic content, but I find it excruciatingly dull and difficult to write about myself. People who looked at my early drafts told me it needed to be more "personal" and "emotive" and "narrative" because I just wanted to write about interesting research projects and questions, not about why I, personally, became interested in them. I hope grant writing will be better for me.

5. Rejection. Fortunately, I got my rejections after I got my good news, so my reaction was more "SUCKAAAAAAAS!" than mourning. One of the rejections was from my first choice, but I feel like the school I'm going to will be a better fit after all!

If I didn't get in anywhere, I probably wouldn't do it again, because I applied to a couple schools that were definitely safeties and I wouldn't really have had other options. I might've applied next year for a different, more vocational program to advance in my current field though.

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I also liked waiting just a little bit. It was torture, but exciting torture. It's so boring to check the mail and know there's no major news coming, just bank statements. This happened after I applied to college, too, I'd have this vestigial excitement about the mail and then remember the cycle was over and there was no more news.

Glad I'm not the only one!

There was plenty I hated, though:

1. The FEES!

2. The GRE, because who likes standardized testing?

ooh! I do! I love standardized testing :)

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Honestly, I hated this process from beginning to end. I hated...

...asking people for recommendation letters

...GREs and studying for them (especially because they're not standardized at all and have no bearing on how one will do in grad school)

...agonizing over every piece of writing I had to produce

...triple-checking to make sure I dotted every i and crossed every t on every application

...the anxiety/psychosis of waiting

...being virtually useless in every other area of my life for six months straight because my mind was totally preoccupied by apps

...the second-guessing self-consciousness and uncertainty of the recruitment interview I attended

...comparing myself to everyone else who could possibly be applying

...receiving rejections and bad news about funding

...being the one who had to turn down two other offers because I had accepted a third

I knew I could not go through this process again. It turns people into lunatics/hostages and reduces the hopeful prospect of future study into a meaningless game. I am glad to be accepted and going somewhere I believe I will be happy. But throughout the whole process, I wasn't sure it was worth it. Can't there be a better way?

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I find it difficult to imagine eating coconut with whipped cream.... coconut-flavoured ice cream with whipped, definitely. I'd be hard-pressed to try a papaya/whipped cream combo as well. :shock:

???? What are you even talking about?! Papaya and coconut would both be exceedingly delicious with whipped cream. Come on. Coconut cream pie? That's just coconut and whipped cream. And papaya is not as sweet as it could be, which would really be balanced out by the whipped cream.

Now I'm hungry.

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I remember when I dropped off my resume to one of my letter writers, he said "This is gonna be fun! It doesn't seem like it now, but it will be when you're deciding between offers!" The process started out kind of fun when it was full of opportunities and imagining myself in all these cool new places, learning interesting things and doing awesome work. Then I picked my list of places to apply and it got a little less fun because I was locked in, then I had some nerve wracking interviews and it got a little less fun, then I started getting rejected and it got less fun, then my funding fell through at my one acceptance and it got much less fun, then I realized I don't get to go unless I get off a wait list of doom and it got a lot less fun. And I cried and cried and cried.

Right now I'm trying to cheer myself up by making a list of places I could apply next year and reliving all that "Oh look at all my opportunity!" joy while using all the things I learned this year to weed out places that aren't a great fit, no matter how badly I want them to be. Initially I was really devastated by my results, but now it's like "Well, the worst thing happened. You applied all over and you can't go anywhere. But you didn't drop dead of shame like you thought and no one is mad except you." I mean it blows. It really really blows. Sometimes it still hits me out of nowhere and I get really depressed. But I guess this sort of thing builds character. I think I'm going to value graduate school more when I get in and I am sure now that grad school is where I want to be.

So no, I really didn't like the process at all, but I learned a lot and don't hate it enough to stop trying. But I do hate it quite a bit.

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