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I'm sad. Can I let out steam here?


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I don't know if it's appropriate to talk about it here. I have no one to talk to right now. I'm probably gonna get downvoted to oblivion but hey, I need to let out a few words so whatever, why not?

 

I should be celebrating my acceptances. I should be happy it's the holidays. But not. I'm sad. It's so "high school" to say this but I was recently broken up with...but hey! It's Christmas time! I have to keep it to myself and put on a happy face for everyone to see :lol: . Now I feel like I'm facing the future alone. I have to move cross country next fall, alone. 

 

I'm really fucking terrified of starting graduate school now. I'm looking at moving nearly 3000 miles away from home by myself. Why so far away?, you may wonder. Because I wanted change. I wanted to get as far away from my home state as possible. When I was applying, I was confident and had a good support system backing me up. But now I feel like the support system is crumbing, and my god, I'm really scared. 

 

How's it like moving to a new place on your own, when you're alone?

 

 

Hopefully someone out here can relate and help me out. If not, thanks for listening and have a happy new year.

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To new beginnings! *toast*

 

I got my ex into grad school. I mean by making sure my ex was on time for things, scheduled interviews, actually finished college.. etc..

 

Then I got dumped. We were a year apart in terms of graduation.. so off my ex went to grad school, dumped me, and then.. well, I was pissed. I had no one to carry my presentation across the icy sidewalks of Chicago for portfolio showings like my ex did. I had no one to help book my flights for school visits. I had no one to review my digital and physical portfolio and give feedback at 2am like my ex did. Oh.. i loathed my ex. The phrase "You'd be NOTHING without me!" came to mind an awful lot.

 

But then I realized that I didn't need my ex to accomplish anything. I recruited other friends to hold my giant box of portfolio stuff on the icy sidewalks. I talked to other students and faculty about my portfolio. I asked my family for help with travel planning. Turns out I was fine.

 

You'll be fine too. You just need to call in reinforcements when the time comes. You're not going to end up under a bridge.

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Sorry to hear that... :( Hopefully things will get better for you with time, as you come to terms with everything more. I'm not in graduate school yet, so there's not much I can say about that, but try to look at it more positively, even though I realize that's easier said than done. Of course it must be daunting, by why not change your perspective a bit and see it for the great opportunity it is - a fresh start of sorts? You've got a lot of awesome experiences ahead of you. Wishing you luck! :)

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Aww I'm so sorry that happened. I haven't ever been in the position of moving alone (hopefully I will in the fall) I say just make a ton of friends and I'm sure school will keep you busy, you can meet people in your classes. You will always have your family to be a support system even if they aren't close.

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I moved 1000 miles from my home state that I had lived in for all of my life.  I didn't know anyone within a 9-hour drive of my new hometown, and the climate and culture were completely different from where I was from.  Hell, I had never seen more than 3 inches of snow in my entire life, yet where I was moving to had frozen lakes and more than 3 feet of snow per year!  I wasn't starting grad school, but I was starting my first real world job, so the situation is very similar.

 

Even though I had a hard time adjusting to living on campus at my undergrad school that was 40 minutes from home, I wasn't terrified of this big move.  In fact, I was excited to get out of my home state and see new things.  My parents helped me move and hung around for a few days before saying "Good luck!" and flying back home.

 

Thankfully the company I work for tends to hire a lot of out-of-state college grads, so there were a bunch of us that were in the same situation.  It was easy to make friends and develop a new support system.  My understanding is that graduate school is very similar, so it shouldn't be hard to find others in similar situations as you.

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I can emphathise with the sensations after the grad school admission offers came in. For me, once the immediate delight of the offers came in...it all felt a bit anti-climatic. That I should have been more excited than I was about such a major thing. 

 

It's OK to be scared, especially as you get down to sorting out the details of such a large move. It helped me to really micro-plan the first few weeks in a new location from the comfort of my old home - looking at the website of new activities/social groups I could join, playing with Google Streetview of new neighbourhoods (to work out where I'd go when I arrived), checking out Yelp or tourist sites to get some ideas for places to explore. That way, once I actually arrived I felt (i) I had everything under control (ii) it wasn't as stressful or confusing (iii) I had A Plan. 

 

My moods fluctuated a lot in the run-up to my move from the UK to the USA. Everything from sadness, anxiety, uncertainty, excitement, determination - often within the space of hours. If I didn't have the fear of being without friends, I don't think I would have been as motivated to go out there and make the friends I did. 

 

So hold on. Spring and sunlight is coming back!

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My BF broke up with me...and I thanked him for doing it (true story). I was finally free to be able to go and do whatever I wanted in life without having to always consider someone else...someone who was not even worth the sacrifice. 

 

Get your cry out. Go out into the woods and scream. Recruit some friends and toilet paper his house if you want to.  Mourn, then move on so you can start enjoying the wonderful journey that is the rest of your life. 

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Thanks for everyone's kind words. I'm still very sad and scared. I'm fighting every urge to talk to him. He moved across country for medical school but I did everything I could to give his transition a little more stability. But now that it's my turn to do it, I have no support system. I'm throwing myself into the unknown with no one to fall back on. Yay...even as depressed as I feel now, I know I can do it. It's just tough. 

 

Thanks to everyone though.

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Hi OP, moving can be hard but just think of your move as a fresh start for yourself.

There'll be an adjustment period but you'll meet new people. Don't get too down. This is just a phase of life and you'll get through it.

Sometimes we have to leave home to grow stronger.

Don't fear the unknown, embrace it.

Take care :)

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I can understand how you're feeling. My ex broke up with me 1 week before Christmas. We were 1 month away from our two year anniversary. The one thing that is keeping me going is the possibility of moving away and starting something new by myself. A lot of times I would get caught up in "us" and my decisions were based off of "what will happen to us." But now that there is no "us" I can be as selfish as I want. I'm not going to lie though, I'm really scared of the possibility of moving away to some place by myself with no support system.  But this is going to be a growing experience. You don't need to depend on anyone but yourself.

 

I imagine that the students in your program will also be feeling somewhat in a similar way. Hopefully you'll be able to make some awesome new friends and you'll forget about your ex. This is an awesome opportunity for you! Make the most of it.

 

If you need anyone to talk, feel free to PM me.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I moved in August and my boyfriend of four years was so supportive and willing to do long distance because he was still in undergrad and would then be pursuing grad school elsewhere. In November, I flew to visit him and he broke up with me. Since then, I have felt so lost and lonely because he was truly my support system and now I don't have that. I have been trying to reach out to my roommates and other grad student friends, but most of them put school and their own relationships above friendships, so I am really struggling.

I am trying to get involved with more social things outside of school and maintain the few long-distance friendships I still have. Sometimes striking up a conversation with a stranger makes me feel a lot better. The worst part is coming home to my apartment and being alone with no one to call or text and tell about my whole day. I am just trying to be patient and hoping that someone will come along as a very best friend or my next boyfriend and things will start looking up, but at the moment, I can definitely relate.

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