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How Did You Deal with the Stress/Anxiety/Sadness of Moving to a New State?


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Hello!

 

I'm going to be making the move out to Kansas from California for grad school and I have never stepped foot in Kansas before.  While I am excited to start the program and experience a new part of the country, I have basically lived in the Bay Area my entire life (except for a stint at UCLA for undergrad).  As my move date gets closer, I am growing more anxious and sad about leaving my friends/family/boyfriend behind.  I'm trying to stay positive, but I haven't been getting much sleep since I keep dreaming about moving and whatnot.  What did you guys do to combat those feelings before you moved?

 

Thanks!

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I'm moving from California to New York next fall. I'm the opposite-ish from you. I've lived in LA my entire life except for a stint at UC Berkeley for my undergraduate. I'll be leaving my friends and family behind. My boyfriend, who currently is based in New York, recently broke up with me. So....I not only have anxiety about leaving my home, I'm also apprehensive about moving to my new home. 

 

Sorry, I can't offer much advice, but I can sympathize. Misery loves company, right?   ^_^

 

Just take it easy and slow. Take things day by day. At least that's what I keep telling myself. 

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I've found that people from CA have a tougher time moving out than most of the rest of the states. My experience with the socal mentality has been that it's almost as if the world ends at Las Vegas and then there's a huge jump to New York and nothing in between.

 

Your mental map of the world will open up, a lot. And things are done differently - very differently. CA is, for all intents and purposes, a nanny state compared to most of the US. There are few warning labels that you'll get cancer and there's not gas pump shrouds so you don't inhale the fumes either.

 

I liken it to how when people from the US travel abroad and then note at a tourist attraction how "dangerous" things are with no fences, barriers, etc.. at a cliff. You can just up and fall out of the leaning tower of piza for example. CA is even more bubble wrapped than the rest of the US, so keep that in mind.

 

As for coping - aside from being sure not to use spray paint indoors because when purchased outside of CA it contains much harsher chemicals - I think you just need to be open to new experiences. The culture will be a bit.. different..

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I've found that people from CA have a tougher time moving out than most of the rest of the states. My experience with the socal mentality has been that it's almost as if the world ends at Las Vegas and then there's a huge jump to New York and nothing in between.

Haha, it turns out that it works the other way too. I just moved to the South, and people here seem to think the US consists of the "South", the "North", Texas, California, and maybe Seattle.  :)

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I moved from MD to MI. I didn't really like my new city at first (during the interview as well as my entire first year of grad school), but I found a couple new hobbies I could engage myself in, and new friends I made (which means growing more distant from my old friends back home) helped me transition into my new life in the new state. It took a while, but it worked out.

 

It sort of feels like finding something new and interesting you can do to take your mind off of being homesick. After a while, you'll get used to the new life. We all adjust at some point. 

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Oh my gosh - Tall Chai Latte! I moved from MD to WI! I didn't really enjoy my first semester either...especially since I've never had to clean snow off my car...and now my car is stuck in the parking lot because I don't feel like shoveling snow...and I'm told to expect more. My new friends..well, I just don't share the same interest (i.e. beer and football, maybe house parties) and they don't share mine ( hm, makeup, gym, and foreign films). 

Edited by iampheng
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Oh my gosh - Tall Chai Latte! I moved from MD to WI! I didn't really enjoy my first semester either...especially since I've never had to clean snow off my car...and now my car is stuck in the parking lot because I don't feel like shoveling snow...and I'm told to expect more. My new friends..well, I just don't share the same interest (i.e. beer and football, maybe house parties) and they don't share mine ( hm, makeup, gym, and foreign films). 

 

Ha, I moved from GA to WI (I'm guessing Madison?).  I've been here for a year, and you tend to get used to it.  I will admit it's a reason why I'm only applying to schools in warmer climates.

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^LOL yeah I am :)  I been dealing with the cold okay...it's the snow that's leaving me cloistered. I've learned that I need to schedule my holidays more accordingly to spend as little free time alone as possible when I'm outside of school - I haven't talked to another human being...in like...two weeks since all my friends went home. 

 

I think I need to fall in love with something, like a hobby, or maybe a person haha to make times like these more bearable. 

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Oh my gosh - Tall Chai Latte! I moved from MD to WI! I didn't really enjoy my first semester either...especially since I've never had to clean snow off my car...and now my car is stuck in the parking lot because I don't feel like shoveling snow...and I'm told to expect more. My new friends..well, I just don't share the same interest (i.e. beer and football, maybe house parties) and they don't share mine ( hm, makeup, gym, and foreign films). 

 

Haha I was the same! I didn't really like people in the midwest at first, the first impression they gave me was they seem to drink and party a lot (I'm a non-drinking introvert, the above two really drive me nuts when there are obligated lab parties), and most people find me weird (I'm into running, photography, and just hang out with friends I like at a coffee shop). Cleaning off snow on my car was okay for me, but the bitter coldness and how winter technically doesn't end until the end of May and suddenly everything switches to summer totally didn't sit right with me (still doesn't!).

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Cleaning off snow on my car was okay for me, but the bitter coldness and how winter technically doesn't end until the end of May and suddenly everything switches to summer totally didn't sit right with me (still doesn't!).

 

WWWWHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT???????????

 

:angry: oh noeesss....

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To deal with the stress of moving, I planned out everything in advance. I put down a deposit for my apartment when I visited the school in the spring, I calculated how much it would cost to drive myself and my stuff out there, and I planned my trip route and had driving buddies. I was able to buy some furniture online and have it shipped to my apartment ahead of time so that the basic necessities would be there upon my arrival (bed, couch).

 

To deal with the anxiety and sadness of leaving my friends and family behind, at first I tried not to think about it. But eventually I had to have the "last" party or get-together. Leaving my mom and dad was the hardest part as we were all crying the morning of my departure.

 

But, I was also incredibly grateful to be embarking on the next chapter in my life--graduate school! I knew that I had chosen a good school (for me) and was hopeful that at least some of my colleagues would become friends (which they have). I guess... life goes on. Things happen. Things change. Sure, there are times when I miss my "old" life a lot. But, I also know that I was ready to move on in my career and that I wouldn't have been satisfied if I had stayed where I was. I've grown a lot in grad school, personally and professionally, and I don't regret coming to grad school at all.

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^^ I know someone who loves and misses Iowa. Being a West Coast snob (and sometime East Coast resident), I cannot say that I understand her position. Different strokes for different folks, I guess!

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Cleaning off snow on my car was okay for me, but the bitter coldness and how winter technically doesn't end until the end of May and suddenly everything switches to summer totally didn't sit right with me (still doesn't!).

 

Yes, clearing off the snow is not the worst. It's a great workout!

 

But I lived in a western state where it snowed pretty much every day, through the Spring until early June. Every morning looking out the window felt like Groundhog Dog. (What, more snow!? AGAIN!?!?)

 

The repetitiveness was so tough on me... and I grew up in the snowy Northeast!

 

However, you learn things (e.g. having four seasons is special) -- and it's awesome that you have more life knowledge. (And later on: gratitude when you move away!)

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Hello!

 

I'm going to be making the move out to Kansas from California for grad school and I have never stepped foot in Kansas before.  While I am excited to start the program and experience a new part of the country, I have basically lived in the Bay Area my entire life (except for a stint at UCLA for undergrad).  As my move date gets closer, I am growing more anxious and sad about leaving my friends/family/boyfriend behind.  I'm trying to stay positive, but I haven't been getting much sleep since I keep dreaming about moving and whatnot.  What did you guys do to combat those feelings before you moved?

 

Thanks!

 

where in kansas are you moving? I'm from the Kansas City area originally and could give you an idea of what it is like if you are moving around there.

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I moved from MD to TX in August. The move itself wasn't bad, although I did leave a boyfriend (now ex...) behind. I found that all of the new students wanted to hang out a lot, so that kept me busy along with navigating school. I actually found the most anxiety-filled time to be the end of the semester when my friends were all headed home to spend the holidays with their families and classes were over, so I didn't have that to keep me busy anymore. I am still coping with the loneliness of moving so far away from the people I love, but I have turned it into a New Year's resolution to branch outside of my department and make friends who have other interests so that I can begin to feel more at home in the city. I also purposefully found roommates who were moving to start graduate school as well so that we can all lean on each other when the home-sickness sets in, and I am never left alone in my apartment feeling sad.

I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think. Just remember this phase of your life is not going to last forever, and take time to explore Kansas so that one day when you tell people you spent a few years there for graduate school, you have stories to tell about the mid-west. 

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I moved to SD from across the country. Let's just say my guy and I are super progressive because we eat whole wheat pasta. I've talked to people who have their minds blown when I tell them about redbox or touch screen soda fountains. Be prepared for major culture shock.

Edited by Lulu_
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Hello!

 

I'm going to be making the move out to Kansas from California for grad school and I have never stepped foot in Kansas before.  While I am excited to start the program and experience a new part of the country, I have basically lived in the Bay Area my entire life (except for a stint at UCLA for undergrad).  As my move date gets closer, I am growing more anxious and sad about leaving my friends/family/boyfriend behind.  I'm trying to stay positive, but I haven't been getting much sleep since I keep dreaming about moving and whatnot.  What did you guys do to combat those feelings before you moved?

 

Thanks!

I have lived my entire 30 years in Kansas. I love it here, but the pace of life will be much slower to you. Kansas is quite the conservative state, but Lawrence is the place to go to escape the conservatism. Which school will you be attending?

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  • 2 weeks later...

This has been giving me major anxiety and I don't even know where I'm going yet (probably also contributes to the anxiety). I live in NC and always have, went to school at the beach, and am terrified at the possibility of moving to a cold, snowy, northern state. I've been accepted to Buffalo and have interviews at a few schools in Michigan, and the rest of the schools I've applied to are mostly in the North and Midwest. I do not do cold well at ALL. Plus, I'm beyond spoiled with NC weather. We get a dusting of snow and everything shuts down. I cannot imagine having to go to school in several inches of snow. 

 

Going to need tips on combating seasonal affective disorder......

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This has been giving me major anxiety and I don't even know where I'm going yet (probably also contributes to the anxiety). I live in NC and always have, went to school at the beach, and am terrified at the possibility of moving to a cold, snowy, northern state. I've been accepted to Buffalo and have interviews at a few schools in Michigan, and the rest of the schools I've applied to are mostly in the North and Midwest. I do not do cold well at ALL. Plus, I'm beyond spoiled with NC weather. We get a dusting of snow and everything shuts down. I cannot imagine having to go to school in several inches of snow. 

 

Going to need tips on combating seasonal affective disorder......

 

Tanning beds are bad in general, but they can really help you out with the seasonal affective disorder.  At the minimum, take Vitamin D pills.  Everyone up here in Wisconsin does, even if they were born and raised in this type of weather.

 

Snow is gorgeous the first month or so, but then it gets tiring after the 3rd and 4th months.  Schools also get cancelled up here, but only because the temps are so low.  In fact, they're cancelled tomorrow because the "real feel" temp is -50 F.

 

I actually applied to UNC and if I get accepted, that's where I'm definitely moving to.  This cold weather is just not for me.

Edited by HopefulMHA
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