MoJingly

Venting Thread- Vent about anything.

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I just don't understand what takes so long for these schools to get back to future students. I interviewed more than a month ago with a potential school. Have you any of you been on the other side of the process? Shed some light on it for me.

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I have so much stuff to do by the end of this semester and now, I am not being productive tonight. And I feel guilty for it. :(

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I started writing an excel VBA script that would make my life easier by doing most of the grunt work in my data analysis. the coding turned out to have cost me almost an entire day, and then, I saved everything in the wrong format, and the script that I wrote fucking disappeared. OOPS. Good thing most of that time was learning the commands again, and by the end of it, I had a good understanding of what I wanted the computer to do, so it only took me an extra 90 minutes to write the whole thing again. It'll still pay for itself in time saved in a few weeks time.

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I still haven't submitted my reimbursement receipts for interviews in early February... :rolleyes:

Edited by Kaede

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I just had the most horrible phone interview for a summer research program. I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out again. :( I was completely unprepared for the call, the director called without warning. 

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Due to a series of unfortunate events, I ended up being to go-to person to buy the food for our working group for this term. I've spent over $300 on food so far and promptly submitted receipts, but the accounts secretary is incompetent and every time I go in there, she seems surprised that I'm requesting reimbursement at all, and can't figure out what account to take the funds from! About to buy another $100 worth of food today and hoping I see some of this money again before the end of term ...

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2 hours ago, OptimiscallyAnxious said:

I just had the most horrible phone interview for a summer research program. I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out again. :( I was completely unprepared for the call, the director called without warning. 

Shocked I received my formal acceptance email a few hours after the surprise phone interview. I was sure I had bombed and was no longer under consideration. 

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I love my boyfriend dearly and we have so much chemistry when we're together. But lately, he's been stressed. He's been withdrawing and it's been a bit of a strain. I know it's ultimately his decision to open up (or not), but some days I'm at such a loss.

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My professor wants to schedule class on Tuesday morning a couple of weeks in a row.  I don't want to say no, but this makes my Tuesdays over 12 hours long with the last thing I do being teaching for 2 and 1/2 hours straight, which takes a lot out of you.  I like my students and teaching this semester hasn't been bad, but I hate having to teach and take classes at the same time.  It is too much.

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12 hours ago, AnniKatt said:

I love my boyfriend dearly and we have so much chemistry when we're together. But lately, he's been stressed. He's been withdrawing and it's been a bit of a strain. I know it's ultimately his decision to open up (or not), but some days I'm at such a loss.

I'm sorry. Tell him how you feel (if you haven't already). It's not selfish to let him know that his withdrawn position is making you upset, especially since you seem to be upset because you're concerned for him. Opening up to you would probably help him, too. Plus you could possibly help him deal with his stressors if he let you know about them.

Lack of communication is toxic for a relationship, so if this is one you care about I'd recommend assertively telling him how this affects you and why you would like him to open up.

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fellow lab member got the nsf. I'm happy for her, but also jealous AF.

some people get to have all the goddamn cookies.

 

it's not over yet though. I still get to apply for it next year *fingers crossed*

Edited by spectastic

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My husband is soooooo cranky about living in the PNW right now. This winter has been rainier than usual and I think we've seen the sun four times since October, so that may have something to do with it. However, he quite literally complains to me six out of seven days each week (sometimes all seven) about how much he hates our city, the weather, the state, his job, etc. Sometimes he just says that he can't wait for me to graduate so we can go back east, other times he goes into a long rant about why this place sucks. I feel bad for making him come out here, but at the same time, when I was applying to schools, this was the one place he said he was actually excited about and hoped I'd get into! 

The worst part is that I'm not sure I actually want to go back east. I like the west and people tend to be more aligned with my personal values than they were back home. Granted, there are some places in New England I wouldn't mind living in, but my husband's hope is to move back to the area we grew up in and honestly that's just not going to happen. The economy and job market there is terrible, and the likelihood of getting a decent-paying job (or any job) in my field is slim. He knows this, but he still talks about moving home all the time.

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24 minutes ago, shadowclaw said:

My husband is soooooo cranky about living in the PNW right now. This winter has been rainier than usual and I think we've seen the sun four times since October, so that may have something to do with it. However, he quite literally complains to me six out of seven days each week (sometimes all seven) about how much he hates our city, the weather, the state, his job, etc. Sometimes he just says that he can't wait for me to graduate so we can go back east, other times he goes into a long rant about why this place sucks. I feel bad for making him come out here, but at the same time, when I was applying to schools, this was the one place he said he was actually excited about and hoped I'd get into! 

The worst part is that I'm not sure I actually want to go back east. I like the west and people tend to be more aligned with my personal values than they were back home. Granted, there are some places in New England I wouldn't mind living in, but my husband's hope is to move back to the area we grew up in and honestly that's just not going to happen. The economy and job market there is terrible, and the likelihood of getting a decent-paying job (or any job) in my field is slim. He knows this, but he still talks about moving home all the time.

I'm experiencing a somewhat similar situation. My boyfriend decided to stay in our home state in New England rather than move with me. He now has a good job and no reason to move. All he talks about now is how much he's looking forward to me moving back. It's always been the plan that I would move back when I finish my PhD, but now what once felt like a decision I had made now doesn't feel like a choice at all. 

I've been applying to every post doc, government, and consulting job I can find within 90 minutes of the city where he works. But I'm losing out on post doc positions to applicants that are already post docs. And I'm losing out on other jobs to people with bachelor's degrees and five years of temporary positions that likely count as more "relevant" experience than my research. Maybe I'll have better luck going forward, since I'll be defending (and therefore available) soon. But I've accepted that I'll likely graduate without a job. My only connection is for a possible adjunct position at a community college (which my advisor, unhelpfully, disapproves of whenever I mention it).

I will be happy to be back in New England, but I'm not looking forward to the stress of not having a job, of figuring out insurance while I'm unemployed and not married. And I'm worried that I'll take the first job I can get, even if it's only minimally related to what I want to do.

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On 3/15/2017 at 5:39 PM, OptimiscallyAnxious said:

Shocked I received my formal acceptance email a few hours after the surprise phone interview. I was sure I had bombed and was no longer under consideration. 

everyone's their toughest critic :) congrats!

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19 minutes ago, cortisol said:

everyone's their toughest critic :) congrats!

Thank you, but really the interview was horrible. The interviewer only had 2 questions and I didn't know the answer to one. I think I was only saved because I was honest when I didn't know the answer to the questions. At the same time I provided examples of how I would go about finding such answers and how I've handled similar situations in the past.

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53 minutes ago, OptimiscallyAnxious said:

Thank you, but really the interview was horrible. The interviewer only had 2 questions and I didn't know the answer to one. I think I was only saved because I was honest when I didn't know the answer to the questions. At the same time I provided examples of how I would go about finding such answers and how I've handled similar situations in the past.

that sounds like one of those interview questions where the candidate is not expected to know the answer, and the interviewer is more interested in the thought process of how the candidate would go about solving the problem, which is arguably more important than having a broad knowledge base.

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4 hours ago, spectastic said:

that sounds like one of those interview questions where the candidate is not expected to know the answer, and the interviewer is more interested in the thought process of how the candidate would go about solving the problem, which is arguably more important than having a broad knowledge base.

That makes sense recalling the phone interview. However at the time I felt like I had blown any chance of being selected. As soon as the phone call ended I went back to look up the answer. I honestly still cringe thinking back at the whole thing. But in the end, I guess it wasn't as horrible as I thought.

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I'm just so paranoid about student debt. I have ~41k in federal loans and 6k in private loans from undergrad. I have a choice between Grad A which is 110% best fit, top choice forever, exactly what I want to study, well-connected and prestigious program which will require 100-115k additional debt, or Grad B which is a weak fit (but still in the right field for my career choice) but somewhere between free and 30k in debt, all-told. (Haven't seen the funding offer.)

I've asked many people from all walks of life, all areas of academia, etc. and everyone is saying to go with Grad A because fit matters so much in grad programs and because the better connections at Grad A will allow me to get a better job in an area I'd rather live, but ugh, even my tiny student loans have a 400 dollar monthly payment, and my starting salary for my field is probably only around 60k. I'm quite frugal, but I'd rather not live in a box.

I keep telling myself I can do income-driven repayment and most of the jobs I'll be looking at are eligible for PSLF; but with the political climate I'm so scared I'm going to make this decision to take on this debt then have the rug pulled out from under me and the repayment options I was relying on aren't going to be there when the time comes. It's so scary. I'm so anxious about this I keep getting mini panick attacks when I think about it. My mother did a "I'm so proud" post about me getting into grad school on Facebook and she finished it off with "I just wish college was more affordable" (Note: she ain't payin for it) and I know she means well but it's like I can't even enjoy one moment of congratulations without beign reminded of this suffocating debt.

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@shadowclaw @Pitangus I know how you feel, the two-body problem is super frustrating. I'm currently in a city for grad school that neither my bf or I enjoy. Luckily its only two years and I'm almost done with my first year. Like I can't go outside very long because it causes my body to experience reactions and I feel tired all the time. We both want to move back east but job situations are preventing us basically. Since the hiring freeze, my bf now has been looking into seasonal jobs to get experience on his resume. These jobs are all over the country, so we have no idea where he will end up. Also my program requires at least a 6 month internship to complete my degree. But now with the possibility of agencies' budgets being cut, the job market is even going to be fiercer. So we have a lot of unknowns and what ifs. @shadowclaw does your husband just like to vent and doesn't realize the impact it has on you? I've done that too my bf before and we actually had to sit down to talk. I'm now working on that habit. @Pitangus I can see why moving back to a location where you are limited will be frustrating. It seems like we have to choose between our careers and home life happiness at times. Would I love to work in certain locations, like Maine? Yeah I would, but I've decided that staying with my partner was more important. We also talked and I reassured him that I could work at a museum, library, park, university, etc. He was afraid that I would grow bitter against him.

Now I'm not religious but I would love any good wishes or good luck! Bf has an interview on Monday!

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@Pitangus I feel for you! That's incredibly rough that he has a good job and doesn't want to move... maybe an amazing opportunity will pop up somewhere else that he won't be able to resist? I feel like this is also a really crappy time to be graduating with any type of environmentally-related degree with budget cuts looming for federally agencies, and I imagine state agencies are going to start feeling the pain, too, as federal funding stops trickling down to them. Good luck to you, though! I hope when you've passed the defense hurdle that doors swing open.

@Need Coffee in an IV My husband loves to vent, and he definitely sees the disappointment on my face! Sometimes he'll say something and I'll look a bit sad, and he'll be like, "We're still moving, right? You're not trying to stay here, right? You know I'll lose my mind, right?" I sometimes wonder if moving to a different apartment might brighten his mood. We're in the middle of a small city that quite frankly is ugly and we're less than a five minute drive from the mall and a bunch of stores and restaurants. He's lived in the country his entire life and the city is not jiving too well with him. I also spent most of my life in the country, but I did spend several years in the 'burbs, so I'm better acclimated to living with neighbors close by and businesses a short drive away. However, life would be way better if we could live in the rural area between this city and the city my school is in (it's about a 20 minute drive away). Even living in my school's city would be better, especially the areas furthest from the school which have a much better atmosphere. I occasionally browse Craigslist to see what's out there, and I happened to see a listing for the perfect place... two bedroom house with a fenced yard in the country and actually closer to school and with cheaper rent. Too bad I still have like 6 months left on my lease :( Hopefully there will be something decent available around that time. When it came time to renew my lease last fall, there was nothing suitable and we really couldn't afford to go month-to-month on the rent (it's $250 higher that way). We really should move for financial reasons... this apartment costs too much and has amenities we don't use, like the fireplace, community swimming pool, and garage (well, we do use the garage for some storage, so I guess it's not a total waste). Plus we're paying all of this money and the apartment is kind of crappy. The previous tenant put huge gouges in the wood floors and left weird red stains on the carpets, the garage floor has a massive crack, the stone wall around the yard is literally crumbling apart and rats come out of it when it rains, and there are no outdoor outlets. The rain gutters were also messed up and water just poured out the sides of them in front of the door and they looked like they might fall off the house, but a year and a half after moving in and requesting the fix, we finally got new ones last week. 

 

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Seeing you guys coping with issues in your life which are both professional and personal, I couldn't help but feel humbled that I have been fortunate to not have to go through similar problems in my life. Culture in India is a lot different that what it is in western countries. Basically its almost always the case that parents help their children complete their education, no matter for how long or how much it might cost. And this is not just for the affluent types, but even for people who can't afford to fund their children's education. Parents take loans, sell out stuff (mostly land and gold jewellery, something Indians have plenty) and fund their children. The upside to this is that we are not in a bank or federal debt that leeches out interest money from our life. The downside is that we have family pressure sometimes to return whatever we took so that they can continue with their own lives peacefully too. One of my friends who is attending USC (one of the most expensive schools for international students in US) is being funded entirely by her parents. The tuition itself accounts for everything her parents earned throughout their lifetime (around USD 70K for 2 years), but they're doing it. Her parents barred her from doing any part time job too so that she can concentrate on her studies fully. Seen numerous such examples throughout my connections. 

In my case, although I've always been supported by parents both emotionally and financially, I have been working as a consultant for many companies throughout my undergrad and finally got a job which makes enough to give them back whatever they put in. Even for my masters, I have enough savings to pay out tuition fees, and use the stipend to fund my living costs. 

Anyways, just came to vent about how none of the 5 schools I applied to have replied to me, even when I applied in November 2016! This wait is so frustrating sometimes. Two of the universities are saying we can hear back by March end, so I am basically praying my life away to get through this week of wait. Whew...

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I'm not sure if this classifies as "venting" since I'm not exactly angered. I'm just in a very "how did this even happen" kind of mood.

I called up a school to check the decision status of my application. Learned that my file was never forwarded to the admissions committee for review and that they would rectify this by sending it over right away.

So...at this point in the game, I'm thinking that best case scenario for my top choice school is an admit with zero funding. IF I get an admit...

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2 hours ago, AnniKatt said:

I'm not sure if this classifies as "venting" since I'm not exactly angered. I'm just in a very "how did this even happen" kind of mood.

I called up a school to check the decision status of my application. Learned that my file was never forwarded to the admissions committee for review and that they would rectify this by sending it over right away.

So...at this point in the game, I'm thinking that best case scenario for my top choice school is an admit with zero funding. IF I get an admit...

I don't know how you cannot be angry... I'd be furious... I hope that the situation has a positive outcome for you. Best of luck

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I've gotten into one program with a TA-ship, but the TA-ship prohibits outside work. I've already told my coworkers at the library and my parents that I will continue working with them, but now I'm really starting to doubt if that's possible. There is a waiver for outside work, but it's useless until after your first term. My dad is really pushing for me to work anyway, but I'd have to decide between submitting the waiver and thus notifying everyone of my intention to continue working (and hoping for some sort of miracle), or not telling anyone at the school that I am working and risk my TA-ship in the process. As much I as like my current job (and like the money it brings in), I don't even think it would be possible with a graduate school workload and the TA-ship to keep a part-time job that's one hour away from the school. The current plan is to continue working until it becomes apparent that I can't do it anymore and then to quit the library job. But that leaves the library in a tough spot because they would need to find someone immediately.

I don't want to disappoint my dad by leaving the library, and all my coworkers are encouraging me to stay, but my personal inclination is to leave. I still remember the workload from the last time i was in graduate school and... It would have been impossible to give up 20 hours of potential studying time (+10 hours driving time).

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My parents are moving from my hometown, and it is weird.  I didn't think I'd be upset, but I am.  I think it is the right choice, but I'm still sad.

Also, comps are in May, and I am taking 4 classes and teaching 2, so I am at the point in the semester where I am utterly exhausted and the thought of studying for the most important exam of my life is really daunting.

Lastly, there is a guy who is slowly becoming one of my closest friends.  He's been sick on and off with a chronic illness, and he finally opened up about it a little on Sunday.  I just want to make it all better even though I know I can't.  He is one of the best people I know and it's not fair that he has to deal with this.

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