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MoJingly

Venting Thread- Vent about anything.

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This week, I was zero productive. I feel like I've made no progress. It bothers me because I am usually productive. Low energy, mood and motivation this week. Hope it will go away. 

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My fiance keeps saying "whatever happens happens. It's in their hands now. There's no sense in agonizing over it"

okay duh but ??? If I could just not agonize, I would ???

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7 hours ago, ayeee said:

Anyone else notice how an incredible number of posters on the results page misspell Carnegie Mellon University?

Right?!?! As a Pittsburgh native, it drives me nuts!

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11 hours ago, ayeee said:

Anyone else notice how an incredible number of posters on the results page misspell Carnegie Mellon University?

I also keep seeing "Standford" lol

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Have a job interview today, another on Friday, and a PhD interview on Thursday, plus rehearsals every single day this week and several doctor's appointments while trying to start a paper that needs to be submitted next month for a conference...also while keeping up with daily exercise, strict diet, and a few other things. I'm also starting a job next Monday (waiting for the background check and references to clear before withdrawing from my other two job interviews) so I'm sure my busyness will just increase. x]

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Still a week and a half until I've officially started my program (aka when I start getting paid), but I feel like this whole grad school thing has been screwing with how I see myself and my self esteem. I've started comparing myself to others again, which I haven't done for a while, and it feels like nothing is ever good enough. I feel like I don't deserve any of the stuff I accomplished even 10-15 years ago. I've also been beating myself up that I didn't go to a university with the branding of my undergrad, which is stupid because I didn't even apply for those for good reasons. I thought I was long done with this way of thinking.

 

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7 hours ago, Carly Rae Jepsen said:

oh it's me again lmao

Should I go to the doctor for gastritis? It's not letting me sleep well, along with anxiety. Just ugh.

Yes, definitely go see a doctor.  It may be bacteria related.  As for anxiety, play your LP records more often and get lost in the music.  It will calm your nerves.  Also, think positive thoughts about what a good position you're in from having multiple acceptances.  

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3 hours ago, ltr317 said:

Yes, definitely go see a doctor.  It may be bacteria related.  As for anxiety, play your LP records more often and get lost in the music.  It will calm your nerves.  Also, think positive thoughts about what a good position you're in from having multiple acceptances.  

Thank you! I should definitely play my records more often, especially in the dark, it's magical. And you're right, I don't know why I'm feeling so negative I have lots going on.

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@Carly Rae Jepsen Hope you're feeling better soon! Gastro is horrible. 

So my job hasn't paid me for January yet, which in addition to the anxiety of not hearing back from any of my programs yet, is creating a huge anxiety-depression mess for me. And anything I do, I feel like I'm wasting my time. I just wish I knew something about my future...and that I would see the direct deposit in my account already. I really hate weekends because I don't really have anything to do but time to think. I'm trying to write and distract myself with films and series...no money to go anywhere to hike...just want to SCREAM! 

I feel better venting. 

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The last two or three years my top choice school announced the first week of February. I still haven't heard anything and it's driving me nuts. Subsequently, I am driving everyone else around me insane.

I'm taking a class on Levinas and I don't understand any of it.

Also, I got accepted to a PhD in January... and my focus since then has been awful. I can't concentrate on anything. But I have to.

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20 minutes ago, ShewantsthePhD101 said:

Also, I got accepted to a PhD in January... and my focus since then has been awful. I can't concentrate on anything. But I have to.

Oh my gosh same!!! I have to finish my master's thesis and defend by mid-April so I'm simultaneously uber stressed while also having my head in the clouds dreaming about my options (and my upcoming visits to where I've been accepted).

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@ShewantsthePhD101 I'm kicking myself because I set the deadline of mid-April on myself by signing up to do my seminar (a 45 min -1 hour talk on my thesis) then thinking sure that won't be a problem.... But then winter break came and I lost all productivity due to the holidays and getting the flu for a week and whenever I hit points where I do nothing I lost the momentum I built up previously. I know I can meet my deadline, but winter break really messed up my plan and I'm gonna be much more strapped for time this semester than I thought I would be.

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I think I messed up my interview big time - I could not form a single coherent sentence on my research interests I think. I was too excited :')

ALthough I generally enjoy being a high energy person with high positive emotions (like I'm HAPPY happy in general) - the timing is sometimes terribly off. 

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I definitely should’ve applied to more schools initally. Almost, if not, all of the schools I applied to have been dead silent. I’ve been looking at programs with late March to early June deadline. I think when March hits and if I still don’t get an acceptance, I’ll start doing a second round of applications. I didn’t want to give my recommendors more work during the first round, but now I have to ask them to do a second round of letters which is awkward for me and them. “Sighing endlessly”

Edited by exidwhere

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I'm just so overwhelmed. Most PhD students at my university take no classes, don't have to teach and spend all of their time on their thesis. Due to my departmental requirements and my supervisors' preferences (mostly the latter), I'm taking three classes, teaching two and trying to fit in my research. I don't know if I should talk to them about what they want because I'm not sure how I'm going to carry off everything. They're such great supervisors... maybe we're just supposed to do all of this?

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Yesterday I had an interview for a position starting in the fall that I really want and that I'm an excellent fit for.

I completely screwed up one part of the interview and I'm afraid that I completely torpedoed my chances at getting the position.

 

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Find out today that a professor whom I was going to ask to be on my dissertation committee is leaving the department this year.

 

Now I have to find another (which is totally possible, but still).

Edited by Assotto

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