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2 minutes ago, Cheshire_Cat said:

This was one of the hardest things for me about going to grad school. I worked for a few years and had an envied professional certification, and now I'm a "student" again? Yeah, no. I think it is especially hard when you are younger because you haven't been a "real adult" for long. And now it seems like its being taken away.

 But as the years have passed, I've gotten over it. My parents' friends still think I'm in grad school because I couldn't find a job and are very surprised when I tell them I have the certification I do. But its whatever. If I'm feeling insecure I just tell people I'm a college instructor (because I am) and leave it at that. A year from now I'll be Dr. CheshireCat and they'll all be super amazed, as if it came out of nowhere, haha.

Personally, I've really been loving the break from some of the adult stuff. Maybe it's because I'm already an old person (33 next week), but I worked 50+ hours a week for the last 4 years (while doing school online, so I was a zombie), and now I just go to class and sleep till 9 am. It's AMAZING. It won't last forever, so count your blessings while you're here! Adulthood isn't always as great as it's cracked up to be.

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I just want to know where I'll be in 6 months. I. Just. Want. To. Know.

Snow.   F*ckin' snow.   Can't they do anything about all the damned snow?!   Signed,  Everybody on the Eastern Seaboard.

thanks for sharing

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11 hours ago, bibliophile222 said:

Personally, I've really been loving the break from some of the adult stuff. Maybe it's because I'm already an old person (33 next week), but I worked 50+ hours a week for the last 4 years (while doing school online, so I was a zombie), and now I just go to class and sleep till 9 am. It's AMAZING. It won't last forever, so count your blessings while you're here! Adulthood isn't always as great as it's cracked up to be.

I had a few years working in the real world, and six months or so were really rough. But grad school isn't all it's cracked up to be either. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be here than at my old firm, but there were a couple of rough years. And at this point I'm doing what faculty do and just not getting paid for it.

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My eldest pet is dying. She is a 13.5 year old bunny and a "heart" pet. And she has been dying for a few weeks, but it is getting worse. She can't get up anymore. I need to put her down, but there isn't a vet near me that does euthanasia on rabbits, and I don't want her last hours to be spent stressed out in the car. This is the most frustrating and heartbreaking thing I have ever experienced. I've had pets die before, but not recently, and never a pet I've loved so much. Oh, and I propose for my dissertation in two weeks. Fun times.

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My mom is giving me such a hard time. I try to cut her some slack because my parents don't have college degrees and thus know nothing about academia. But I have clearly explained to her multiple times that my PhD program provides a stipend, health insurance, and tuition remission, and that a PhD is not related to becoming a medical doctor (i.e. can get a doctorate in any field, from philosophy, to economics, to chemistry, etc). Yet she insists on "figuring things out" for me and thinks I don't know what I'm doing. She only cares about financial logistics, never once having asked me what my interests are, and fitting her ideal mold (overheard a few years ago that she just wants me to marry a rich doctor). Then she has a popular Twitter account where she interacts with creepy male followers who apparently know about me, because she tweeted she was "upset" that she would no longer be in the city where I currently live and has to tolerate my next location. She then says that my next school is "not as good" as my current school yet uses undergraduate rankings as support. She rarely ever comes to visit and would never willingly interact with a black person or ride public transportation despite putting these cities in her bio. And it feels as if she is taking credit for my hard work. Dont get me wrong -- I'm thankful for my parents' financial support. But this is insulting.

This is her most recent text she sent me yesterday. Maybe I'm being a bit overly sensitive, but this sort of thing has been going on for years. So frustrating.

 

20190510_081906.jpg

Edited by sgaw10
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On 5/9/2019 at 9:44 PM, Cheshire_Cat said:

My eldest pet is dying. She is a 13.5 year old bunny and a "heart" pet. And she has been dying for a few weeks, but it is getting worse. She can't get up anymore. I need to put her down, but there isn't a vet near me that does euthanasia on rabbits, and I don't want her last hours to be spent stressed out in the car. This is the most frustrating and heartbreaking thing I have ever experienced. I've had pets die before, but not recently, and never a pet I've loved so much. Oh, and I propose for my dissertation in two weeks. Fun times.

@Cheshire_Cat I am so sorry you're going through this. I had a rat companion who died during my MA and no vet would help him. A friend and I ended up finding an alternate humane euthanasia method and it wasn't much easier to take. Your being there for her is a kind and wonderful thing. Sending love and support ❤️ 

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In grade school, I struggled with anxiety and depression and missed a lot of school. One counselor gave up on me and told me not to come back to her. Another told me to drop out of school. A third told me that I shouldn’t bother going to college because she didn’t think I could handle it. I didn’t listen to them and I graduated and applied to college anyway. I was rejected to my top school but accepted at a different college. 

I overcame my anxiety and depression. I double majored, took 6 classes every semester, worked at relevant internships and as a TA every semester. I was a workaholic but I loved my work. After all, I started learning Adobe programs when I was 9 because it allowed me to express myself. I put so much time into my portfolio throughout college. My GPA was near perfect. I won scholarships and awards. I wanted to prove the people wrong who doubted me. 

Then I applied to grad schools and was rejected everywhere. I’m also being rejected to every job I apply to. Life is wonderful. 🙂

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On 5/8/2019 at 5:37 AM, Halek said:

I'm tired to defending my adulthood to people. I worked in the "real world" before coming to grad school, you can't just take my "adult" status away from me like that.

But the more I defend the more it's used against me, like a teenager saying they're an adult. I'm 24 year old, I live separate from my parents, I'm financially independent, I actually live on the opposite side of the continent from any sort of support network. I'm pretty sure I'm an adult. And yet, at least once every few weeks, I gotta have this same argument again and again. 

I can relate to this... I'm close to 30, married, and in my first year of a PhD program. I've played down my "adult"ness in order to bond better with my cohort. It's probably been easier to initially make friends with the 22 - 24 year olds around me because I tried to avoid mentioning the things that make me seem different, and once I started being more open about sharing parts of my past and present life, people have been cool with it. Although I did start getting invited to bars and stuff less...

When I DON'T want my adultness taken away, I've found that I have to be really proactive at announcing my adultness. The most frustrating is when condescending attitudes come down on me from students who are farther in the program than I am or random post-docs I meet, etc. As a less "traditional" student in this program, most of the people assuming that I'm naive and inexperienced are usually younger than me and have much less diverse real world experience/perspective, which makes it extra annoying. Just because I'm a first year does not automatically mean that I am not as grown up, am naive about life or careers, or don't know myself as a researcher.

Edited by XVIIA
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I gave my employer three months notice when I accepted a funding offer. Everyone was excited for me and told me how appreciated I was (which nobody ever does until you leave). Then, they started to get bitter when they had to go through the hiring process and re-structure the office. They've made me move my physical office multiple times, keep "forgetting" to include me in important emails, and nobody will quit mentioning that I'm "leaving them." On top of that, I'm leaving my entire support network soon for five years, my partner and I have decided that the distance won't work but we're "enjoying what we have left", my new car broke down irreparably so when I do move I can't ever visit home or get around my new city, I'm not sure I can bring any of my belongings with me without a vehicle, my family is struggling with physical and mental health, and I can't afford to re-start my medication on this very terrible insurance (which is currently denying to pay for my last visit). I feel helpless, lonely, and selfish for leaving for yet another degree. 

On the bright side, my school found out they had a bit of additional grant money to award and chose me to receive it on top of my funding. I may be able to buy a moped to get to the grocery store, which is pretty neat. 🛵

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On 5/13/2019 at 2:31 PM, Maylee said:

@Cheshire_Cat I am so sorry you're going through this. I had a rat companion who died during my MA and no vet would help him. A friend and I ended up finding an alternate humane euthanasia method and it wasn't much easier to take. Your being there for her is a kind and wonderful thing. Sending love and support ❤️ 

I finally found a mobile vet who put her down on Friday. She had lots of banana and I held her for about 30 minutes before she was put down. At this point, she couldn't even really hold herself up, but still had her personality and wanted to eat banana and give me kisses. She fell asleep while eating banana and then vet put her down, so it was very peaceful.

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Stressed about school and I’m not even in class yet! My program orientation is this summer and it just HAPPENS to be the exact weekend that my parents and I are going out of country on vacation for a few weeks to celebrate my graduation last year. This trip has been In the works for over a year and we are not about to push it all off/ move around reservations just for three days of orientation. 

The thing that I’m miffed about is I tried contacting the program office to see if they had an alternate day set up in the future or any possible way I could receive the same information so I wouldn’t be “behind”. They replied with an email full of typos and basically said “we don’t plan on it rn we’ll let you know later if plans change” without acknowledging whether or not I could get any information. 

Ah and my transcripts still haven’t arrived and I’m so nervous about making sure everything’s all checked off the list and I won’t accidentally be kicked out for missing steps. I THOUGHT THE STRESS WOULD END ONCE I GOT ACCEPTED!!!,

thank u all for listening ❤️❤️

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On 5/10/2019 at 9:20 AM, sgaw10 said:

My mom is giving me such a hard time. I try to cut her some slack because my parents don't have college degrees and thus know nothing about academia. But I have clearly explained to her multiple times that my PhD program provides a stipend, health insurance, and tuition remission, and that a PhD is not related to becoming a medical doctor (i.e. can get a doctorate in any field, from philosophy, to economics, to chemistry, etc). Yet she insists on "figuring things out" for me and thinks I don't know what I'm doing. She only cares about financial logistics, never once having asked me what my interests are, and fitting her ideal mold (overheard a few years ago that she just wants me to marry a rich doctor). Then she has a popular Twitter account where she interacts with creepy male followers who apparently know about me, because she tweeted she was "upset" that she would no longer be in the city where I currently live and has to tolerate my next location. She then says that my next school is "not as good" as my current school yet uses undergraduate rankings as support. She rarely ever comes to visit and would never willingly interact with a black person or ride public transportation despite putting these cities in her bio. And it feels as if she is taking credit for my hard work. Dont get me wrong -- I'm thankful for my parents' financial support. But this is insulting.

This is her most recent text she sent me yesterday. Maybe I'm being a bit overly sensitive, but this sort of thing has been going on for years. So frustrating.

 

20190510_081906.jpg

Wow, that is really frustrating. It’s annoying having to repeat yourself over and over. 

 

Just curious as as to what your response to this text was?

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51 minutes ago, TwirlingBlades said:

Wow, that is really frustrating. It’s annoying having to repeat yourself over and over. 

 

Just curious as as to what your response to this text was?

Yeah, frustrating to say the least. I replied that she clearly does not understand after I told her repeatedly how she doesn't need to worry about me financially, and I have nothing to pay the university.

I'm only viewed as a potential dent to my family's wallet. I'm so excited to be completely financially independent.

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29 minutes ago, sgaw10 said:

Yeah, frustrating to say the least. I replied that she clearly does not understand after I told her repeatedly how she doesn't need to worry about me financially, and I have nothing to pay the university.

I'm only viewed as a potential dent to my family's wallet. I'm so excited to be completely financially independent.

That must be so liberating :)

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I really hate cleaning my house (actually a small one bedroom apartment). I know most people don't like cleaning, but they still just seem to do it regularly and keep their places nice. I have no willpower and have to wait until it gets awful. I literally had to watch two episodes of Hoarders to get the motivation to clean my bedroom, and I still stopped partway through to pretend to be productive by ordering a bookcase (much needed, but still...) I've made great improvements with my chronic procrastination over the years, but cleaning is the final frontier. If I ever strike it rich, the first thing I'm doing is hiring a maid.

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Of course a guy that I was starting to consider a friend tells me that he has a crush on me the second day I'm halfway across the country for field work.

Of course I read this message at midnight after a day of meetings with the indigenous group I'm working with and several hours of my advisor telling me that I need to make a strong, close relationship with someone and feeling like I'm not socially outgoing enough for that.

Of course, this same thing also happened when I moved away from my previous job to go to grad school.

Of course, the guy just got out for a long term relationship. 

Why does it feel like people aren't interested in being with me until I leave? Why can't people want to have relationships with me while I'm actually in an area? Why do they always have to time this for when I'm at my most vulnerable and insecure? 

Seriously. I was just getting over the last time this happened. 

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Update:

I turned him down. It was the right thing to do. But I also feel horrible because I REALLY want to be in a relationship. But I know that a relationship with him wouldn't be healthy for me. 

I'm so tired I can barely move. And I don't know if it's from the field work or from him.

I should be reading some Ethnographies but I feel like I just need to sleep.

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On 5/24/2019 at 3:09 PM, Halek said:

Update:

I turned him down. It was the right thing to do. But I also feel horrible because I REALLY want to be in a relationship. But I know that a relationship with him wouldn't be healthy for me. 

I'm so tired I can barely move. And I don't know if it's from the field work or from him.

I should be reading some Ethnographies but I feel like I just need to sleep.

I think you did the right thing.

I told someone I liked them a semester and a half before both of us graduated from undergrad. They were in the relationship at the time (I hadn't known because I wasn't super close with them, but had talked with them many times and taken many classes with them AKA we were in the same major). Two weeks before graduating, they kissed me when we were both really drunk (our classmates were out drinking together to celebrate the semester before graduating). FYI, they were broken up with their partner at the time. That was the worst thing they could have done because my feelings got deeper but they weren't ready to be in a relationship (although, they got back together with their ex a few months later, ugh). It took so much time to get over them, and we kissed one last time after that night as a stupid goodbye, I guess.

So, what I am trying to say here is that it was good that you didn't string him along. The timing doesn't seem to be right for the both of you, and it was good that you acknowledged that instead of ending up hurting each other more in the end.

I am sorry you are in so much pain right now, but I promise you it will get better.

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On 5/10/2019 at 9:20 AM, sgaw10 said:

My mom is giving me such a hard time. I try to cut her some slack because my parents don't have college degrees and thus know nothing about academia. But I have clearly explained to her multiple times that my PhD program provides a stipend, health insurance, and tuition remission, and that a PhD is not related to becoming a medical doctor (i.e. can get a doctorate in any field, from philosophy, to economics, to chemistry, etc). Yet she insists on "figuring things out" for me and thinks I don't know what I'm doing. She only cares about financial logistics, never once having asked me what my interests are, and fitting her ideal mold (overheard a few years ago that she just wants me to marry a rich doctor). Then she has a popular Twitter account where she interacts with creepy male followers who apparently know about me, because she tweeted she was "upset" that she would no longer be in the city where I currently live and has to tolerate my next location. She then says that my next school is "not as good" as my current school yet uses undergraduate rankings as support. She rarely ever comes to visit and would never willingly interact with a black person or ride public transportation despite putting these cities in her bio. And it feels as if she is taking credit for my hard work. Dont get me wrong -- I'm thankful for my parents' financial support. But this is insulting.

This is her most recent text she sent me yesterday. Maybe I'm being a bit overly sensitive, but this sort of thing has been going on for years. So frustrating.

 

20190510_081906.jpg

I am so sorry about your parents, especially your mother, for not understanding. I hope one day they do!

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On 5/14/2019 at 8:54 AM, Maylee said:

I gave my employer three months notice when I accepted a funding offer. Everyone was excited for me and told me how appreciated I was (which nobody ever does until you leave). Then, they started to get bitter when they had to go through the hiring process and re-structure the office. They've made me move my physical office multiple times, keep "forgetting" to include me in important emails, and nobody will quit mentioning that I'm "leaving them." On top of that, I'm leaving my entire support network soon for five years, my partner and I have decided that the distance won't work but we're "enjoying what we have left", my new car broke down irreparably so when I do move I can't ever visit home or get around my new city, I'm not sure I can bring any of my belongings with me without a vehicle, my family is struggling with physical and mental health, and I can't afford to re-start my medication on this very terrible insurance (which is currently denying to pay for my last visit). I feel helpless, lonely, and selfish for leaving for yet another degree. 

On the bright side, my school found out they had a bit of additional grant money to award and chose me to receive it on top of my funding. I may be able to buy a moped to get to the grocery store, which is pretty neat. 🛵

Sending good vibes and love! Hopefully one day it will feel worth it!

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2 hours ago, IceCream & MatSci said:

I think you did the right thing.

I told someone I liked them a semester and a half before both of us graduated from undergrad. They were in the relationship at the time (I hadn't known because I wasn't super close with them, but had talked with them many times and taken many classes with them AKA we were in the same major). Two weeks before graduating, they kissed me when we were both really drunk (our classmates were out drinking together to celebrate the semester before graduating). FYI, they were broken up with their partner at the time. That was the worst thing they could have done because my feelings got deeper but they weren't ready to be in a relationship (although, they got back together with their ex a few months later, ugh). It took so much time to get over them, and we kissed one last time after that night as a stupid goodbye, I guess.

So, what I am trying to say here is that it was good that you didn't string him along. The timing doesn't seem to be right for the both of you, and it was good that you acknowledged that instead of ending up hurting each other more in the end.

I am sorry you are in so much pain right now, but I promise you it will get better.

Oh yeah I totally agree with the leading on thing! It's why I didn't let the situation draw out.

I actually had a situation similar to yours right when I was leaving working as a tech and going into grad school (so last summer). The situation turned so abusive I no longer consider the person a friend and I've honestly just started to really seriously heal from it. 

That's also why I knew it wouldn't work, because with how early I am in healing from that, I need to feel really secure if I were to go into a relationship right now. 

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3 hours ago, IceCream & MatSci said:

I am so sorry about your parents, especially your mother, for not understanding. I hope one day they do!

Thanks. I think I'm just gonna give up on it 😕 

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Guy who asked me out suddenly today, while I'm at work (while I'm in the field I'm working for the tribal college, considering I'm a random white woman who just kinda got dropped in their department, it's been a pretty good experience actually!) and says that he wants to talk some more about "thing from last week", so me turning him down basically.

I managed to convince him to wait until I got off work. But now he's messaging me again and I'm honestly exhausted from field work. I feel like a bitch, but I also didn't ask for this timing. I also get the feeling I'm never not going to be exhausted in the field. Trying to learn about a new (to me) culture is mentally exhausting,  even though it feels like I'm doing nothing most of the time. And I really don't have the energy to give to this that I know he wants.

Which is part of why I turned him down a week ago.

But positive side: field work hasn't completely imploded on its self, so hurray!

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