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Guest Squirrely

Jealousy or normal reaction?

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Guest Squirrely

I truly, truly, truly, truly, hope that I am not as petty as this likely sounds: There is another girl in my undergrad psych. department that got into one of the schools I also applied to. I haven't heard a peep from this school---I understand that means rejection, but I can't shut that door until they at least show me where it is---she also got a pretty nice fellowship package. Yes, great for her, whoo-hoo.

My Problem: The two of us are so much alike (same grades, same research, same graduate research interests) that I can't help but feel like that should have been me. I am happy for her, and I would never ever admit these feelings to anyone else. It's not that I think she doesn't deserve it---this girl is amazing and I think the school in question is damn lucky to get her.....but for some reason, every time I see her now, I get this pang in the pit of my stomach, and I feel like I'm in direct competition with her. The competition is over--acceptances and rejections (accept mine!) have been dealt out--and yet I still feel this awful, nasty, un-happy feeling every time I think about her.

Is this normal or am I swimming in the muddier side of human emotion?

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Guest Ms. Geology

I felt the same way about just about every school I applied to. There is another topic on here where people are discussing how they feel inadequate and are certain that once they begin their program that everyone will discover them for the real fraud that they are. I think these two feelings go hand in hand. I definitely felt both, and I still feel the latter just a bit. They are both quite normal. However, once I visited the school I eventually accepted all the feelings of competition with my undergrad peers went away. I hope you will feel that way about wherever you decide to go. I think we are all being steered toward the right choice. Just think, you can apply to PhD to that school in a few years, and maybe, just maybe your friend will have washed out in her Masters program. Not that I am rooting for that, just wanted to give you something to secretly laugh at when you pass her in the hallways now.

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Guest Squirrely

Oh, I forgot to mention the most inane part of my jealousy: This was my least perferred school. And I got 4 really nice offers, and am ecstatic about the one I accepted---but for some reason, this still bugs me. Ultimately, there is absolutely no reason for me to be so hung up over this, but I just can't move on.

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Guest NotReadyToHangMyself:)

Squirrely...

In dating, we call it the "one woman, one vote" rule.

I once asked out a fat girl who had some otherwise nice personality traits (to "give back" so to speak). She was welllll below my standards. I turned on the charm and asked her out, she said no.

I've dated MODELS. So, to summarize...

fat girl says no

model says yes

The conclusion is simple: one girl, one vote. You have no idea whether or not you fit the criterion, or whether or not the selection process is even RATIONAL (which, with women, it rarely is. :))

Apply this to the admissions process. Schools that are not as highly ranked often reject applications that are far above their average applicant because they do not want to be anybody's "backup school". Or, they could have affirmative action programs in place so that they pick inferior candidates (really looking forward to when men start benefitting from this lol!). They could be drawing names out of a hat. You don't know! The important thing is that you already got better offers. Why go back to the fat chick and feel bad she said no?

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Wow... someone is a little bitter and blaming women. Let me tell you, being a woman is a hinderance not a help. Any sort of affirmative action policy you speak of is far outstripped by preconceptions based on gender. yes, I realize it was a joke. And, there were some good analogies. I think that you may be overjustifying, though. I'm sorry if your ego is bruised from the application process. But, if sexism helps, I suppose I will let you have something to lick your wounds.

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Guest NotReadyToHangMyself:)
Wow... someone is a little bitter and blaming women.

Not bitter, just utterly disappointed at the outright stupidity of the opposite sex. Nice guys like myself have to work very hard to get any love ;)

I'm sorry if your ego is bruised from the application process.

No need to be sorry, you haven't done anything. ;)

But, if sexism helps,

Bring out your PC buzzwords, but it's reality. :twisted:

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Yeah, sexism is reality. I have come to terms with that. Doesn't mean I sit idly by and not bring attention to it so it can continue. Making comments that suggest that women have it easier and get special privleges only makes it even harder for women to get a fair shot and have to worry that people think they just got where they were because of affirmative action. There is nothing further from the truth. And calling things PC is just a way to try to make people feel bad for calling attention to inequality. And I don't feel bad, so it doesn't work on me.

And nice guys like you... You said that you we're doing fat women a favor and that only supermodels are worth your time basically. Yet, you don't comprehend why women don't flock. hmmm....

And don't say it's only a joke, chill out. Because the joke part was fine. The affirmative action comments belittles women by implying (actually stating) they are inferior and only got a position over you because there aren't enough good female applicants so that have to take not so good ones.

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actually, the affirmative action in favor of women is completely useless in psychology departments. they're full of women and seriously lacking men, so if they'd wanna have a more gender balanced group of people, it'd be the men who'd benefit from it.

anyway, squirrely, since you got in where you wanted, I think it's pointless to feel jealous about the other girl getting in a school to which you didn't really want to go. it would be a totally different thing if that was your top choice and you got rejected from everywhere. this way, just get over it and be happy for the girl.

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Guest NotReadyToHangMyself:)
Yeah, sexism is reality. I have come to terms with that.

Sexism is your reality.

Making comments that suggest that women have it easier and get special privleges only makes it even harder for women to get a fair shot

You completely misinterpreted my argument! My point was that women make irrational choices when it comes to dating, just like adcoms make the same when it comes to admitting students. When it comes to dating (which was what my analogy was based on), don't fucking tell me that women don't have it easier. Men come to you, all you have to do is sit there. Men are expected to pay for everything, hold the door open, and somehow have the guts to put up with a 90% rejection rate. A girl, as long as she isn't completely heinous, could get laid within an hour whenever she wants. She could literally start knocking on doors in an apartment building and find someone to have sex with her! No player, hollywood movie star, politician, arms dealer, etc. is able to do that under any circumstance.

And calling things PC is just a way to try to make people feel bad for calling attention to inequality. And I don't feel bad, so it doesn't work on me.

Our definitions of "equality" obviously differ.

And nice guys like you... You said that you we're doing fat women a favor and that only supermodels are worth your time basically.

I said that I tried to do a fat woman a favor by asking her out. Hey, it could have been fun. More cushin' for da pushin'. I never said only supermodels are worth my time (in fact, I used the word "models"), I simply said I've dated models. I was merely trying to illustrate a point. My story actually inspires men and makes them feel good about themselves and get their failures (again, 90% failure rate for men in dating!) in the past so they don't think about them. I can't help but laugh to see a woman castigate my effort to make this poor girl feel better about her lack of an admission to her crap school, or men reading my posts to feel bad about trying to put their abuse from the opposite sex in the past.

Yet, you don't comprehend why women don't flock. hmmm....

I know exactly why women don't flock. I'm not a jerk! I don't hit women, or otherwise be the "bad boy" that they want to "change". I'm not a "challenge", i.e. I treat you with respect, so I'm not boyfriend material and I get LJBFed all the time. Honestly, if you are trying to make me feel bad for not being a jerk player hypnorapist, you can go tuck yourself in.

The affirmative action comments belittles women by implying (actually stating) they are inferior and only got a position over you because there aren't enough good female applicants so that have to take not so good ones.

I did not imply that. You inferred that. Seeing as both the OP and the person she is speaking about are females, I can't see how you could have possibly come to that conclusion.

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Or, they could have affirmative action programs in place so that they pick inferior candidates (really looking forward to when men start benefitting from this lol!).

Last post, I promise, since you are obviously not going to change your attitude toward women and you make more and more demeaning comments. But, I do see the use of the word inferior when referring to women and affirmative action. So, I "inferred" nothing. Again, you stated it.

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