SOP Draft Review

[panda007]

This is my second time applying for MS, I think the first time around my SOP was not upto the mark. Please review my SOP and suggest on how to improve it. Thanks for the help. 

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-UqzHNzL8W_o4CsvNNipGgVyLDyLtPYLOUMRIPf6Ox0/edit

[btsulliv]

I have not had time to go through your SOP in rigorous detail, so what follows can be considered a first impression. Firstly, it would be beneficial to have your full name up front, right in the beginning of the document, and to clearly state what your objective is as a graduate student. It might also be a good idea to spend more time talking about your specific research interests/exactly how you plan to contribute to the university than on what your exploits have been up to this point. Don't misunderstand me, your personal history is an integral part of your SOP. However, it is arguably less important than detailing what you plan to do in the future. Showing the acdom that you have carefully considered and researched your intended field of study will help differentiate your SOP from the many others they will see. What are the cutting edge technologies in the field of embedded systems? What ideas do you have that can shift the paradigm? How do you plan to move the ball forward with your efforts? I would focus less on explaining who you are, and more on what you plan to do. As a final note, you can indicate new paragraphs with an indentation, as opposed to leaving a blank line. It will make your document look much nicer.

Edited August 31, 2014 by btsulliv