Please help!!!!

[Isabelarch]

I'm really really confused right now.

Basically, I applied to two programs for an MA in English literature. (A is ranked number 4, B number 20)

I got accepted end of February into B, with a 75 % scholarship. I attended the open house, met with faculty, and really was impressed with the program. I have certain special circumstances that I discussed with the head of the department, and she was very understanding and helpful.

Meanwhile, I had heard basically nothing from A. I emailed them and was told that they hadn't yet made a decision, they were not offering any funding and they don't follow the April 15th deadline for unfunded offers. So I kind of gave up and accepted B's offer.

Now, a week later, and I get the acceptance from A. I know that it's wrong to withdraw after April 15th, but how can I turn down such a highly ranked program at such a prestigious Ivy League school??? Also, I will be commuting and the location is much better for me, possibly saving me hours of traveling. I have small children and that makes a big difference in my life. The funding issue is obviously important but I can afford to pay tuition.

Anyone have any advice? B made me feel wanted... But they also have their biggest class ever this year - something like 50 students! I doubt I'll be missed.... A kind of treated me like a last resort - but I don't know if that really matters.

What do you think?

Edited April 24, 2015 by Isabelarch

[Dweevlethor]

Preface: I can only speak from my perspective as someone who has no kids going into the counseling field.

 

With that said, I would honestly stick with school B. You said yourself that you clicked very well with the school and faculty, and subconsciously you seem to really want it more. Meanwhile, A has been unresponsive and has shown an almost "elitist" attitude - If you decide to go to A, is the behavior they have recently shown indicative of how they will act once you're a student working with faculty, and if so, are you okay with that? I wouldn't be, but again, this is your call. To me they seem a bit stuck-up and unorganized (not giving you a timeline of admission and then offering it to you a week later).

 

There's also funding and travel. School A may be closer, but School B is giving you a decent amount of funding. I don't know your situation, or the travel time to either school, but it may just be worth it to travel a bit farther to B unless the difference is astronomical. Even if it's further, the funding will help cover costs of tuition, which may mean you can work less and spend more time with your children? Again, I don't know your exact situation, but I would go for B.

 

Lastly, instead of focusing on the negatives for A, focus on the positives for B. You said that they have their biggest class ever this year, and they STILL made you feel wanted. That's amazing. Yes, they are ranked number 20, but depending on the program/area of focus, that's still a pretty good ranked number. And rank isn't everything. It seems to me that you found your fit.  

[Jay's Brain]

I think what's hindering you is the prestige of School A. What you need to consider is how different these schools will be in terms of helping you shape your career later on. Is the prestige of School A enough that you can find a job? If not, I agree with the previous poster in that School B seems like a better situation for you. Never underestimate the first feeling of comfort you have with a school, especially when you have to make a choice like this. The cohort size may be bigger, but in the end it is up to you to shape your graduate career successfully. 

 

Choose the schools based on practicality and pragmatism. Whichever school is more beneficial for you long-term will be the best one. 

[Isabelarch]

Ahhhh so hard!!!

is there a way to email B and tell them the situation very honestly and ask them if they can allow me to make the decision without fear of breaking a commitment or causing hard feelings? I just feel like it's impossible to make a clear decision when I'm so worried about doing something ethically wrong. It could be that I will choose B in the end, but I don't want the main reason to be because I'm nervous about burning bridges.

[Jay's Brain]

Ahhhh so hard!!!

is there a way to email B and tell them the situation very honestly and ask them if they can allow me to make the decision without fear of breaking a commitment or causing hard feelings? I just feel like it's impossible to make a clear decision when I'm so worried about doing something ethically wrong. It could be that I will choose B in the end, but I don't want the main reason to be because I'm nervous about burning bridges.

 

 

I think this is a sticky situation that a lot of graduate applicants go through (I kind of just did so I can relate!). I'm not sure if there are any stringent rules in the States (I'm from Canada), but when you're making a decision that will define your next few years and potentially your future career you SHOULD NOT feel obligated to make one based on pressure. A lot of times it's just our own personal conflicts that make the situation a bit more scary than it should be. In my situation, I accepted an offer from School A only to find out a couple days after than School B (which is one I preferred, but didn't think I'll get into) told me the good news. Added to that, I graduated from School A and I knew my graduate advisor well. Ultimately, for my own career objectives, I told him this new offer and he was more than happy for me. He even said I had nothing to worry about, because the decision made more sense. This probably isn't the same case for you, but I think a school will prefer having a student that is fully committed and knows that he or she wants to be there. As long as there are no technical reasons that makes it tricky, you should be allowed to choose. 

 

Let B know of the developments, and maybe they will even try to sway you to stick with your offer! You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain from choosing a school that will benefit you the most! 

[Isabelarch]

Thanks so much Jay's brain! Was your situation after April 15th and did it involve funding? I feel like that makes my situation extra complicated... You only had to contact your POI to take back your acceptance, not the school itself? Should I send an email to the head of the dept, who I've spoke to and will remember me, or to the school itself? Since this involves funding it seems like I probably have to go through more official channels.

[Jay's Brain]

Thanks so much Jay's brain! Was your situation after April 15th and did it involve funding? I feel like that makes my situation extra complicated... You only had to contact your POI to take back your acceptance, not the school itself? Should I send an email to the head of the dept, who I've spoke to and will remember me, or to the school itself? Since this involves funding it seems like I probably have to go through more official channels.

 

 

Unfortunately, my situation happened before the April 15th deadline which is why I said it might not be exactly the same as yours. I did receive funding, however, and, to make matters a bit worse, I had personally gone to the graduate unit to submit my acceptance of the offer. Since I knew the POI, I told him and he was happy to send a quick word to the graduate department and the head. In your case, perhaps you can let them all the parties know in a careful email. Be respectful, and just tell them that this has come up and you want to make a careful decision. School A is an Ivy League school after all. They should understand, and if not, maybe you'll see the negative side of School B in the way they respond.

[Isabelarch]

So in the end I decided on A. I wrote a nice email to B and the response was SOOOOOO nice it almost made me regret my decision. She said that she totally understands and respects my decision and that she knows I will do really well because I'm very talented. I was really blown away. Feel very relieved and happy.

[Jay's Brain]

Glad everything worked out, and congratulations on your decision!