BagiBadi

Right, no problem, I have that part written up. I just haven't disclosed it because I am going through the farce of maintaining some privacy.

If I were capable of being offended I'll have beaten you to it by offending myself first with self-recrimination. If I had better options, I wouldn't be here at all. My problem still remains that the specific question that is stymieing me is: "What makes you think you'll succeed in the graduate program?" (Paraphrasing.) So while I can write all day about how my father is a role model, that I enjoy an intellectual challenge, think highly of the role of science in society and so on - it doesn't really answer the question. Maybe I wasn't clear, but that's the sort of anecdote I want to avoid in the first place. Everybody writes that. I bet MD candidates write that they want to "help people." (A lot of them are lying anyway.) Oh I can say that I value critical thought. And if I were operating under ideal circumstances, I would show you a perfect example of how I used that to solve a problem. I might say I'm curious. But again . . . can't think of a way to demonstrate it. Even anecdotally. At best, I can think of maybe having used DosBox to get some archaic indexing program for chemical literature to work on a Windows OS. Does that exemplify a virtue? Because I have no idea. It's certainly not a measure of skill, since there are way better computer guys out there. And regurgitating my CV is of no use. That's just bad writing.

I do have some range in biology and chemistry because of all that coursework going into pharmacy. I do want to have a broad competence throughout the sciences and have written as much justifying my interest in a graduate dual-track program. I really have no idea how selective this particular school is and wouldn't know how to judge such things. It's not especially recognizable as Ivy League or Top 100 if that's what you're wondering. Ultimately, I got into pharmacy for the money but never wanted to spend my life filling prescriptions and cashing paychecks until I died. I could rather easily get certified as a pharmacy tech and reapply to another pharmacy school. But I'm too bitter about it to consider that appealing, although I think the money would probably be quite good. I could and will probably have to say that pharmacy was intended as a means-to-an-end. And that gets to the heart of the matter. Everything I could say about myself is cheap. It's not backed up by any kind of concrete evidence. So I can't do anything other than make a string of assertions. The only other alternative is to bore my audience with anecdotes.

I started this account to get advice for this. I have a BS in chemistry with coursework tailored to some biochemistry. I have a 3.6 GPA, but also a troubled academic history. I was expelled from pharmacy school for professional reasons, although this didn't prevent me from applying to and obtaining my BS. I'm trying to apply to for a pHD program in chemistry. I've read a lot of other threads asking how they can overcome bad transcripts with a good SOP and experience. But I feel like I have nearly the opposite problem. I have decentish-to-good grades and GRE score and some lab experience but feel that this is all I have going for me. I don't feel like I can write a good SOP without resorting to inane anecdotes or spending a lot of time talking about my expulsion from pharmacy. And I haven't ever managed to find paying work doing so much as mixing chemicals in the two years since I graduated. I've been depressed and just can't see any positive qualities in myself, or at least, none that I can demonstrate without anecdotes or inane assertions. My attitude inevitably bleeds its way into all my drafts. I look at them and just see a worthless depressive drama bomb that can't help but hurt my chances. It can't be much worse if I were to simply send in a blank sheet. There's almost nothing to say that isn't evident in the rest of my CV and transcript. I have no idea what my recommendations are like because I've waived my right to view them. I may even just write as generically as possible: "I want to apply to do research professionally in the future. I'm pretty set on your particular program." "Here is the vague idea of the kind of research I want to do in a blanket statement." "Unevidenced assertions of my character and qualities as an advertisement of why you should take me." "Oh and by the way, I got kicked out of pharmacy school, but can't really go into too much detail except to blandly state the primary reason for this happening. I can't omit this either because I just sent you the transcript showing an abrupt end to my time in pharmacy." Should I just resign myself to the mediocrity of that sort of statement of purpose? Because I have no idea where to take it from there.