sofia55

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice! It is incredibly helpful and encouraging to have your perspectives. I made an appointment with the DGS of my department, who is a really warm and approachable, and whom I've met a couple times (but her interests are so far from mine that we won't interact much otherwise). I plan to just tell her the truth and see what she thinks. I'll keep it professional, of course - I started seeing a counselor, so I'll make sure I get my tears out of the way before I meet with her! She'll know the personalities of my profs and if I need some "backup" or someone to attest to the validity of the struggle (as fuzzylogician suggested) I think she'll probably be willing to do that. Thanks again for your responses. And if any of you or others have any other advice or insights, let me know! I think the divorce might a frustratingly long and emotional process (which I guess goes without saying). I've been "lurking" on this forum since my application days, but this is the first time I've posted - thanks for making it a positive experience. I'll be sure to pay it forward and chime in if I think I can help or encourage anyone else on here!

The subject line pretty much says it all - I'm just struggling to figure out what's "appropriate" in the advisor-advisee relationship. For various reasons, the divorce won't happen for a few months, but the problem is that the stress and anxiety is REALLY affecting my work NOW. Particularly, I'm considering asking for an extension on one of my term papers. (I'm still doing course work for my PhD.) I *hope* that next semester, even though I'll still be "dealing" with it, I'll be able to manage my time better - I think the shock of the realization that a divorce is on the way is what's getting to me now. Hopefully at least the shock part of it will wear off...?? ANY advice would be so appreciated. I've been pretty private about this in my "real life" so none of my grad-student friends know yet (that will change soon, I suppose), but for now, I don't have anyone to turn to who might actually understand the sometimes weird dynamics of the advisor relationship. I LOVE my program and I don't want to mess anything up. Also, I'm in my first year, so I'm still trying to figure it all out. If it matters, I'm a woman, and my advisor (and all my other profs) are men. Thank you so much, in advance!!