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Judth

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Posts posted by Judth

    UK masters

    in Literature, and Rhetoric and Composition

    Posted

    Thanks, all for replying.

    I have finished my masters, so the 2:1 classification system doesnt apply. But a week after these results have been up, I guess it doesn't really matter. Trying to make sure that my SOP and WS assesses me better as an applicant!

    My undergrad's a 69%, so I guess it should be fine!

    UK masters

    in Literature, and Rhetoric and Composition

    Posted

    Can't speak for every school of course but mine (LSE) did pass, merit, distinction. I was accepted into Oxford and did a fair amount of reading their student handbooks, etc. and they do pass, merit distinction as well. Other than those two though, I don't know. I always just assumed it was common to all of them.

    Thanks, all for replying.

    I have finished my masters, so the 2:1 classification system doesnt apply. But a week after these results have been up, I guess it doesn't really matter. Trying to make sure that my SOP and WS assesses me better as an applicant!

    Please SEVERLY Critique My International Relations SOP

    in Statement of Purpose, Personal History, Diversity

    Posted

    Hello everyone,

    I'm hoping to get some feedback on my SOP because I've rewritten this thing so many times that I don't know if its anything close to resembling "good" anymore. I also think that it's a bit too wordy/clunky in certain areas. But at the very least, it answers the topic... I think.

    Anyway, I'd like a serious critique, grammar corrections and some tips on how to make it more memorable. (Whenever I read sample SOPs, I feel like I've done nothing with my life to make me a competitive candidate.)

    SOP TOPIC:

    "Applicants should discuss the professional, academic and personal experiences that have most contributed to their desire to study international relations, their specific interest in the intended area of focus at [super Awesome University X], and professional goals/objectives upon graduation. This essay should be no more than 600 words."

    SOP:

    In 2009 I volunteered with the non-profit organization, ASDF, in their QWERTY Campaign to help a Dalit (formally known as “Untouchables”) community. I worked side-by-side with villagers, mixing cement to transform houses made of thatch and mud into brick homes. I was also a teacher in the village’s one-room school, teaching English and playing hand-clapping games with the children. By volunteering, I hoped to contribute to the long-term stability of this Dalit village. However, when I learned that Dalit women and children are targets of human trafficking, I immediately felt that the cruelty and violence of this crime diminished the impact of our humanitarian aid: The houses we built could provide shelter from heat and rain, but not this crime. Initially, this realization made me feel that my volunteer work was useless: Human trafficking is a crime that perpetuates poverty and undermines the stability of communities and nations. Moreover, I felt naïve playing games with children in danger of becoming modern slaves. However, this initial feeling of powerlessness has motivated me to become a more qualified professional because I know that I can contribute more than a game of paddy-cake to these people. I aim to pursue a career wherein I can combat those criminals who operate outside national (and moral) boundaries.

    Understanding the causes and complexities of transnational crimes lies at the crossroads of international security, international law and human rights. Only at the Super Awesome University X can I deepen my knowledge in these functional areas simultaneously. Furthermore, Super Awesome University X has several professors with expertise in these fields, including Professor X and Dr. Henry Philip "Hank" McCoy. While my primary interest are transnational crimes, like human trafficking, which offend both human rights and the security of communities, I also have a growing concern with the destabilizing effect that weapon proliferation and terrorism have on nations. Ultimately, I hope to use the education I receive at Super Awesome University X in conjunction with my commitment to human rights to strengthen the arm of international law, and encourage international cooperation in the investigation and prosecution of international criminals. Unfortunately, many impoverished countries are hesitant to take legal action because of the economic benefits that crimes, like sex tourism, can generate. For that reason, I also wish to learn more about the use of negotiation and coercion to gain the cooperation of foreign countries. Additionally, because Super Awesome University Xs offers internships with government organizations, my participation in these internships would translate into hands-on experience in my future career. Whether my career includes the investigation of human trafficking with U.S Immigration and Customs Enforcement or providing analytical support for the counter-terrorism unit at the Federal Bureau of Investigations, I believe a Super Awesome University X’s education offers me the most suitable education to reach my goals.

    I realize that my goals are ambitious for someone who graduated with an B.A. in English rather than international relations or politics. However, my undergraduate degree has provided me with acute analytical and writing skills that will aid me at Super Awesome University X. Furthermore, I have three years of international work experience in Japan with the JET (Japanese Exchange Teaching) Program. My participation in this program nurtured my interpersonal and negotiation skills, thanks to practical experience working with a variety of professionals from different backgrounds. Furthermore, living in Japan gave me a direct opportunity for me to enhance my Japanese language abilities. The chance to speak directly with Japanese people allowed me to learn about differing values and belief systems, as well as expand my own world view. Ultimately, my experiences in Japan and India have led me to see America and its neighbors as members of a global community with shared concerns about future prosperity and stability.

    Hi,

    I think its a good start, but here are my suggestions:

    Para 1: there is something abrupt about this paragraph. Although Dalit is a fairly recognizable term in India, you might want to contextualise that a bit. "The houses we built could provide shelter from heat and rain, but not this crime." -- rephrase this?

    " I aim to pursue a career wherein I can combat those criminals who operate outside national (and moral) boundaries." Very interesting, but can you elaborate a bit more on this, perhaps?

    Para 2: I think its an excellent fit paragraph that should technically come as the last part of your SOP.

    Para 3: I am just thinking aloud here: But I have heard that the status of the Burakumein is very similar to the Dalit status in India. Perhaps you could link both of them and perhaps, then talk about the States and Asia as being members of a global community. Also, three or four lines describing your future goals. I am not sure whether you want to get into policy making or if you want to work with NGOs from your SOP.

    Good Luck!!

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