TheSportsGuy

Thread hijacking is a time honored internet tradition, like Wikipedia chains and dating service advertisements. No worries. Thank you all for the input thus far (And a special thanks to Fuzzy). I cut another draft this morning, where I edited out some of the introduction, supplemented the fit section, and added something to my past research experience. I am considering adding a sentence to the end of the third paragraph speaking about my language goals for the upcoming summer. Furthermore, I am considering making the first sentence past tense. I would appreciate any additional feedback!

Hey All - Thanks again for the input. I have incorporated some of the suggestions thus far, mainly because I didn't want to get to crazy without first having an entire document to work with. Here is the first draft, completed. I am going to rest on it for tonight, but I would appreciate any further input on the new document. On the whole, I am much happier with it than the original, but I still feel their are some points where I make similar mistakes.

Thank you - everyone - for your feedback. This is the type of writing I struggle with, so I appreciate all the feedback I've received thus far. I am by training a speech writer, so adjectives, political overtones, and all that crap is what comes out of me by default. They do not, however, have any place here. I have started with a clean sheet of paper, and it is a laborious process, as you all know. I would like to share my new introduction, for further feedback from anyone willing to continue to help. Don't pull any punches.

Hey All, I was hoping some would be willing to ravage statement, I am not a very good writer when it comes to these things. I find myself self concious, often too broad, and ill focused. I appreciate any and all feedback provided, and would be more than willing to help anyone else out.