Jump to content

gidadu

Members
  • Posts

    12
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Reputation Activity

  1. Downvote
    gidadu got a reaction from Zuljanah in you lucky ones   
    I'm in my last year of my MDiv, and I've wanted to do a PhD for a long time now -- since I was a kid I've loved school so much, to the point that when I was 10 years old I was telling people that I wanted my doctorate! Of course I didn't even know what I wanted a doctorate in, I just wanted one -- probably because my dad was getting his doctorate at the time and I wanted to be just like him
    Even outside of that, though, I've always loved school, reading, writing, etc... and so many of my teachers, professors, mentors, have all affirmed my gifting in these areas, and have said I should consider teaching. I did AmeriCorps for a couple of years thinking that I would eventually pursue my Master of Education, and taught in a high school setting (mostly math and English) to "get the feel" of it. I quickly found that I didn't enjoy teaching those particular subjects (although I loved the students and enjoyed other parts of the teaching experience), and then decided to start seminary after I finished my service.
    In grad school, for awhile I was pursuing two Master's, doing my MDiv and also a counseling degree, but figured out about 1/3 of the way through the counseling program that I didn't enjoy it, didn't feel gifted in it, and didn't want to do anything with it vocationally when I was done, so I quit that program and am now finishing up my MDiv and starting PhD work next year.
    So, I say all of this because -- I have had so many different experiences and have been on many different tracks trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I have volunteered for a TON of organizations in teaching, mentoring, counseling, various social justice work and advocacy work, and though I really appreciate these fields and am glad for the experience and am passionate about these issues, I don't feel "called" to them, or feel totally fulfilled by working in these roles. But the one thing that has followed me, that has been the common thread/trajectory since I was a kid, was a passion for learning, teaching, reading, writing... and also thinking about theology, the church, Scripture, and Christian discipleship.
    For me, I would have regretted not applying to Phd work, not only because I am passionate about the subject matter, but also because (and here I'm gonna go a bit Pentecostal), I believe that God can use this experience to make me a better disciple, and to encourage others in my social circle and in places I have influence. Maybe that sounds narcissistic -- but, my own personal experience is that if I truly believe God has led me on this path and brought me to where I am today (and I do), then there is a reason that God has opened these doors for me to do doctoral work. I didn't think I had a shot at getting in at all, and I know how slim the chances are of even the best students getting into programs. So the fact that I did makes me think that God has something in store, even though I'm not quite sure what that looks like yet. 
    Also -- I'm 30, unmarried, no children, no family obligations, no ties to the current city I live in -- I literally have nothing to lose. So why wouldn't I take the shot? I'm under no illusions that I will get a job afterwards, I realize how terrible the job market is. But if pursuing a PhD is something I've wanted for literally 20 years (even though at 10 years old I had no idea what that meant, lol!), and if everything else I've pursued hasn't quite "fit" (and I've dabbled in a lot of different areas), and if all the doors have opened, and I literally have no reason to say "no" to this opportunity outside of the fact that it will be hard and I might feel miserable some of the time.. then why wouldn't I say yes? My Master's degree has felt miserable a lot of the time, but I'm still glad I did it. I'm not saying everyone should do it... but if it makes sense to try, and if it's something you really want, and if your personal/familial situation allows for it, then I don't know why not..... but that's just my own personal experience. I don't want to deny anyone their own experience and reasons for not pursuing this -- particularly AbrasaxEos's that they so beautifully articulated above, and also doobiebrother's very real challenges they've had in their program. But I do want to say that I'm perfectly okay with pursuing my PhD because I'm passionate about the subject I'll be studying, as well as the fact that my trajectory seems to have landed me here, and the people in my life--pastors, mentors, friends--have all sensed God's leading in this as well. Again, I realize that that may sound very Pentecostal of me and that's not always welcome in academic spaces.... but if I truly believe that God has led me here, then I believe that God is going to use this experience for something, no matter how hard it will be. And all that said -- if I didn't feel that God was leading me here, I would be much more suspicious of the whole thing, especially given that I've heard multiple people say that the first year of PhD work is the worst year of their lives. I'm planning on leaning on my faith a lot this year... and letting myself trust that it's all worked out this way for a reason.
    That's a lonnnng response, I realize... and it's probably also not going to feel very well-reasoned to a lot of folks... but I guess I want to encourage both myself and other folks who might be in a similar situation as me.... it's going to be really rough, and I don't think we should delude ourselves into thinking that we won't have days when we wished we'd never started. And there's nothing stopping us from quitting if we really don't feel the need to continue in the future. (I have zero regrets about starting and then quitting my counseling program -- I actually think I've been able to have some great conversations with folks about not being afraid to change life paths, to quit something, if it doesn't feel right, so I'm grateful for going through that in order that I can use the experience when talking with other folks about vocational pursuits and life changes.) I just don't think the inevitability of misery is a reason to stop ourselves from trying, if this is something we've wanted to do for a long time and if we're willing to test out the miserable-ness of it all in order to come through at the end with something we're passionate about and can feel proud of. 
    Hope I didn't offend anyone with this post -- if i did, that's truly not what I intended and I apologize. If I were to summarize this whole thing, I would say I have decided to pursue my PhD not only because I'm passionate about the subject matter, but because it makes sense with my trajectory so far and I literally have nothing to lose and no reason why I shouldn't. The only reason I wouldn't pursue it would be out of fear -- fear of not finishing, fear of being miserable, fear about moving across the country where I know no one and have to rebuild my community from scratch (again), fear of feeling inadequate... and believe me, these are fears I'm experiencing every day now that the reality of what I'm getting myself into has set in! But if fear is the only thing that would stop me... well, I don't want to give into it. I've let fear rule my life too many times.   But again, this is all my own personal experience, and everyone's experience is very different and very real. I think for every person thinking about doing this work, it's all about figuring out for yourself what you are passionate about, if you have the capacity/are in a good life stage to do it, and whether you would regret it if you didn't try. 
    Much love to all the folks on this thread, I've loved hearing about everyone's journeys. <3 
  2. Upvote
    gidadu got a reaction from neat in you lucky ones   
    I'm in my last year of my MDiv, and I've wanted to do a PhD for a long time now -- since I was a kid I've loved school so much, to the point that when I was 10 years old I was telling people that I wanted my doctorate! Of course I didn't even know what I wanted a doctorate in, I just wanted one -- probably because my dad was getting his doctorate at the time and I wanted to be just like him
    Even outside of that, though, I've always loved school, reading, writing, etc... and so many of my teachers, professors, mentors, have all affirmed my gifting in these areas, and have said I should consider teaching. I did AmeriCorps for a couple of years thinking that I would eventually pursue my Master of Education, and taught in a high school setting (mostly math and English) to "get the feel" of it. I quickly found that I didn't enjoy teaching those particular subjects (although I loved the students and enjoyed other parts of the teaching experience), and then decided to start seminary after I finished my service.
    In grad school, for awhile I was pursuing two Master's, doing my MDiv and also a counseling degree, but figured out about 1/3 of the way through the counseling program that I didn't enjoy it, didn't feel gifted in it, and didn't want to do anything with it vocationally when I was done, so I quit that program and am now finishing up my MDiv and starting PhD work next year.
    So, I say all of this because -- I have had so many different experiences and have been on many different tracks trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I have volunteered for a TON of organizations in teaching, mentoring, counseling, various social justice work and advocacy work, and though I really appreciate these fields and am glad for the experience and am passionate about these issues, I don't feel "called" to them, or feel totally fulfilled by working in these roles. But the one thing that has followed me, that has been the common thread/trajectory since I was a kid, was a passion for learning, teaching, reading, writing... and also thinking about theology, the church, Scripture, and Christian discipleship.
    For me, I would have regretted not applying to Phd work, not only because I am passionate about the subject matter, but also because (and here I'm gonna go a bit Pentecostal), I believe that God can use this experience to make me a better disciple, and to encourage others in my social circle and in places I have influence. Maybe that sounds narcissistic -- but, my own personal experience is that if I truly believe God has led me on this path and brought me to where I am today (and I do), then there is a reason that God has opened these doors for me to do doctoral work. I didn't think I had a shot at getting in at all, and I know how slim the chances are of even the best students getting into programs. So the fact that I did makes me think that God has something in store, even though I'm not quite sure what that looks like yet. 
    Also -- I'm 30, unmarried, no children, no family obligations, no ties to the current city I live in -- I literally have nothing to lose. So why wouldn't I take the shot? I'm under no illusions that I will get a job afterwards, I realize how terrible the job market is. But if pursuing a PhD is something I've wanted for literally 20 years (even though at 10 years old I had no idea what that meant, lol!), and if everything else I've pursued hasn't quite "fit" (and I've dabbled in a lot of different areas), and if all the doors have opened, and I literally have no reason to say "no" to this opportunity outside of the fact that it will be hard and I might feel miserable some of the time.. then why wouldn't I say yes? My Master's degree has felt miserable a lot of the time, but I'm still glad I did it. I'm not saying everyone should do it... but if it makes sense to try, and if it's something you really want, and if your personal/familial situation allows for it, then I don't know why not..... but that's just my own personal experience. I don't want to deny anyone their own experience and reasons for not pursuing this -- particularly AbrasaxEos's that they so beautifully articulated above, and also doobiebrother's very real challenges they've had in their program. But I do want to say that I'm perfectly okay with pursuing my PhD because I'm passionate about the subject I'll be studying, as well as the fact that my trajectory seems to have landed me here, and the people in my life--pastors, mentors, friends--have all sensed God's leading in this as well. Again, I realize that that may sound very Pentecostal of me and that's not always welcome in academic spaces.... but if I truly believe that God has led me here, then I believe that God is going to use this experience for something, no matter how hard it will be. And all that said -- if I didn't feel that God was leading me here, I would be much more suspicious of the whole thing, especially given that I've heard multiple people say that the first year of PhD work is the worst year of their lives. I'm planning on leaning on my faith a lot this year... and letting myself trust that it's all worked out this way for a reason.
    That's a lonnnng response, I realize... and it's probably also not going to feel very well-reasoned to a lot of folks... but I guess I want to encourage both myself and other folks who might be in a similar situation as me.... it's going to be really rough, and I don't think we should delude ourselves into thinking that we won't have days when we wished we'd never started. And there's nothing stopping us from quitting if we really don't feel the need to continue in the future. (I have zero regrets about starting and then quitting my counseling program -- I actually think I've been able to have some great conversations with folks about not being afraid to change life paths, to quit something, if it doesn't feel right, so I'm grateful for going through that in order that I can use the experience when talking with other folks about vocational pursuits and life changes.) I just don't think the inevitability of misery is a reason to stop ourselves from trying, if this is something we've wanted to do for a long time and if we're willing to test out the miserable-ness of it all in order to come through at the end with something we're passionate about and can feel proud of. 
    Hope I didn't offend anyone with this post -- if i did, that's truly not what I intended and I apologize. If I were to summarize this whole thing, I would say I have decided to pursue my PhD not only because I'm passionate about the subject matter, but because it makes sense with my trajectory so far and I literally have nothing to lose and no reason why I shouldn't. The only reason I wouldn't pursue it would be out of fear -- fear of not finishing, fear of being miserable, fear about moving across the country where I know no one and have to rebuild my community from scratch (again), fear of feeling inadequate... and believe me, these are fears I'm experiencing every day now that the reality of what I'm getting myself into has set in! But if fear is the only thing that would stop me... well, I don't want to give into it. I've let fear rule my life too many times.   But again, this is all my own personal experience, and everyone's experience is very different and very real. I think for every person thinking about doing this work, it's all about figuring out for yourself what you are passionate about, if you have the capacity/are in a good life stage to do it, and whether you would regret it if you didn't try. 
    Much love to all the folks on this thread, I've loved hearing about everyone's journeys. <3 
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. See our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use