Wow, I was hoping posting this would lessen my stress over this, but it's made it worse.
Anyway, there are a few assumptions I need to correct. The LOR writer is no longer a professor but an associate dean of the school of education of a large, competitive private university. I know her mainly through a student honors program she headed and the related service-learning projects I did with her and organized with her help. I did very little academic work with her, but I'm using her recommendation to illustrate my commitment to community engagement--something that is stressed in all of the education programs I'm applying to and a area which I am thinking about exploring in my research. While we worked together, we were on a first name basis--she wanted it that way. When you work in a soup kitchen with someone, it kinda puts you on equal footing.
I don't think she misspelled my name b/c she doesn't know me well enough--people often misspell my last name. I would say she knows me very well and that the letter shows this in the way she describes my service projects and my activities in the honors program in detail.
Am I guilty if she broke the waiver agreement? She stated that she knew I had waived my right but was sending the letter anyway for my own reference. The principal of the school where I teach has also hinted at the fact that he'll be showing me his LOR although I waived my right to see his as well. I don't know...I think the whole waiver thing is an antiquated etiquette. But I wouldn't have actually told an AdCom that we broke the agreement. I was thinking maybe I could just get her to request to resubmit it on her own? Is that asking too much?