I began my PhD program this fall. Before accepting this offer, I corresponded with the only faculty member in my area of interest, who I'll refer to as Cool Prof. We met at the recruitment weekend and it seemed like we would work well together. When I asked, Cool Prof said they would be taking students and was very encouraging about my enrolling here, but there was no firm commitment to take me as a student. I was not the only incoming student interested in this area, and when I talked with Cool Prof this week, they informed me that they can only take one student, which will almost definitely not be me. There are other areas that intrigue me but that I am much less familiar with (so I am not positive I would actually enjoy working in those areas), but I do not yet know the professors who work in those areas or if they are taking students. I will meet with them, but in the mean time I am feeling very lost and disappointed, which is really affecting my motivation. I can't really expect academic advice from you all while being so vague, but I want to remain as anonymous as possible. So instead, I will ask for your help in dealing with the following things I'm struggling with:
Despite not wanting to be competitive with my cohort (and we have been getting along very well), I find I am resenting the student who will be working with Cool Prof. I like her personally and also really enjoy discussing this area with her, but I can't help but feel like her coming here "stole" my future in this area. She is aware that I wanted to work with Cool Prof but they are only taking on one student, and our interactions have been awkward since we found this out. I want to fix this.
I know that there was no commitment, but I feel misled by Cool Prof. I had an offer from a school with more faculty in this area, but chose this one because it it is both a (significantly) more prestigious school and seemed to be a better personal fit. I am now regretting accepting this offer over the other school.
I feel like I can't have any future in this area, because if I work with a faculty member in one of the other fields that intrigues me, I will not be able to also learn enough about this area to transition after grad school. There are no courses offered in this subject here.
I don't know who to talk to for academic advice about the previous point. If I talk to Cool Prof, I'm worried it will come across as trying to make them feel guilty about not taking me - like "You were the only person who could have supervised this, and now my future is ruined because of you!!!". If I talk to the only other faculty member I really know so far, it will be awkward because they are interested in having me as a student, and it would be a conversation along the lines of "Well, your field is not really what I'm interested in - how can I learn as much as possible about this other area instead?". I feel that the student chosen to work with Cool Prof might have some advice, but as in point 1., things are awkward right now, and the same issue as talking with Cool Prof arises.
