aethelthryth

Not sure how to take this but it sure made me laugh!

Thanks everyone for the great feedback! I just wanted to post an update to this as (as many of you noted in your excellent replies) nothing was amiss! I ended up meeting with the prof early the in week after this conversation and we sat down and chatted like nothing had happened--in fact, he told me he had recommended me for a position on campus akin to a graduate leadership position that works with the faculty! I'm thrilled and, more importantly, done being in my head about the situation. Thank you all for your helpful replies--it really does do wonders to feel like you're not alone when something like this is like nails on the chalkboard. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

@solomonski Thank you for this! I was feeling really anxious and while I know (or at least hope!) is likely in my head, it helps hearing words of affirmation.

Hi there, all. I had a quick question about a meeting and just want some feedback since I've not really been able to stop thinking about a conversation I had last night with a committee member. I am in the second year of my program and I am getting ready to take my exams this coming autumn. In spite of this, I already have selected a dissertation adviser. This adviser is someone who I hadn't planned on working with but I am excited about the project he has helped me come up with for my dissertation. My research for this is still in its infancy (if that) but my adviser recommended that I get in touch with people I will want on my dissertation committee now so that this would not be something I had to focus on once my exam date gets closer. His logic with this suggestion was based on a few elements, namely that two of my potential dissertation committee members (both currently on my exam committee) have time-consuming departmental obligations. Last night, I approached one of the aforementioned professors after our class let out and asked if he might be on my dissertation committee when the time comes. He is someone with whom I have a very good relationship--I often feel like he sees me as a mentee in terms of professional development as we often talk about the job market, departmental service, etc. While I originally entered my program to work with this professor, I have since found myself interested in a different time period than he teaches and he is aware of my draw to that and doesn't seem to have an issue with this. I told him that I really hoped he would want to be on my committee when the time comes but I am aware of his departmental obligation, etc. I said this last bit more out of nervousness and as a way of acknowledging that I was asking for a large time commitment from him. While I knew he was 99% likely to accept, I was still a bit nervous (it felt very official, saying dissertation-related things aloud!) His reaction was a bit of a surprise to me. First, he seemed a little surprised that I had brought dissertation stuff up--he made a comment to the effect of "well you need to get through exams first!". In retrospect, this comment was obviously him teasing me a little, but because I was nervous I immediately felt embarrassed/uncomfortable/more nervous. I said something like "oh yes, of course, but I thought I would mention this now since I know I'll be buried studying as the semester goes on" and he nodded and seemed receptive to that but still a bit surprised/confused that I brought this up. He also said something about how since we're both medievalists, I was "stuck with him" to which I responded I was glad because I really liked working with him. He also said something about how he was not going to let his departmental obligation get in the way of his work with students, which makes me think he maybe thought I was questioning his ability to juggle the two when really I was trying to show I was understanding of what asking him to be on my committee meant in terms of his own time--really, I was trying to show that I appreciated it, etc. Even though I'm not really worked about my relationship with this professor, I still feel moderately uncomfortable and anxious about the conversation. First, I'm afraid this professor assumed we were working together on a dissertation--I haven't talked to him about this happening but I did originally enter the program to work with him. I have had the opportunity to take many classes with him at this point and while I love being in class and talking to him, I've discovered the period he teaches is just not what I'm interested in. He seems to have this impression, but now I'm thinking maybe he didn't realize the extent to which I felt this way--he and I rarely discuss work, most of our conversations revolve around departmental involvement, teaching, and discussing personal life. The second thing I'm worried about is that he thinks something else that I'm just not picking up--maybe that I'm getting ahead of myself, that it should've been obvious he would be on my committee, etc. In response that that latter element, it is true that all of the medievalists who have gone through my program in the last 5 or so years have had him on their committees, so maybe that had something to do with his reaction? What I didn't get the opportunity to say was that I'm having four members on my committee (instead of the required minimum of 3) and that his involvement wasn't necessarily "required" to meet my minimum committee number as typically is with the vast majority of dissertations in my department and thus that was why I felt like I ought to "invite" him rather than just have him as an assumed member. This is such a ramble. I realize how insane this reads, but there has to be someone out there with anxiety like me who has been in this situation or can relate to it. I know this is likely something that will blow over, I'm really just looking for some support/empathizing from anyone who has been through something like this or similar? Bleh. I'm maybe also procrastinating--I've had a hard time focusing on my work since this happened yesterday evening. As always, thanks, GradCafe.