True_life

Hi everyone, I am one of many PhD students that are depressed. I am an international student doing a PhD far away from home (in another continent), I started an year and half ago. Things were normal for the first year but now it's a mess. Firstly, I feel I am not in the right Department: my supervisor can supervise people in different departments and he puts me there just because he didn't have funding and that was the only one offering TAing, therefore I fell extremely incompetent and dumb compared with the other students. I really think they did not check deeply my background when they admitted meand my research is not really related with what other people do there. I have also a cosupervisor that is a kind of nightmare. Anyway, in this period I feel incredibly depressed, sometimes I found myself thinking about suicide (not in a serious way, I mean I just think of that but I never actually planned to do it). I am overloaded with an incredible amount of work and courses that are really difficult because not related with my background. In particular, I feel like I will fail the finals and I will be kicked out of grad school, losing my study permit and wasting all the sacrifices I have done so far. My family is far as well as my girlfriend ( we are together for a really long time) and this is destroying me. I tried to talk with my supervisors about my difficulties but they seem like they don't understand or they don't care. I am on therapy now with a psychologist and the doctor told me I have mild depression, so she prescribed Efexor but I didn't start yet because I am scared of the side effects especially now that we are on finals' period. I also don't have a lot of supportive friends here to talk about that. I am in a really bad situation and I am really thinking of quitting or just wait until they will kick me out. To be honest, my research was pretty good before this period, I published some papers and recently got a small award of which I am proud, but I cannot feel any satisfaction anymore. I am really scared of what my life will be if I fail, like I will not be able to find a job back in my country or apply for another program. Anyone else here had a similar situation before?