curious_philosopher

It's interesting that I received several personal messages in response to this post, but no public ones yet. Perhaps this might be a too personal topic for people to discuss publicly...

Thanks rheya19. Just to note: I've written this from the perspective of someone who has already gotten past the disappointment and gotten into the life of the new school, been here for four years now, ABD, etc. But I think it's a myth that we fully forget about the disappointments in our life, no matter how well we're doing. A small remainder of past and lost 'could-haves' will always be there, if we're honest with ourselves. And that's the spirit in which I wrote it.

Good point (although I was for sure within their first seven choices out of 350, as I was admitted outright, not waitlisted). And for them to live with me is hardly as big of a life changer for them as for me to move there and live with everything that comes with it.

I might have to correct myself already, as the title is misleading: technically, when I applied to grad school, I only had a first choice, and all other schools (about 10) were 'fall-back options'. And this might already be my most heartfelt advice I could give to current applicants: don't do it with my attitude. Because if you don't get into that one school, you might never fully stop resenting them for not having admitted you. The irony is that my first-choice school was much lower ranked than the school I ended up going to. While I was rejected by my first choice, I got into an ivy league (much to my surprise), and so took their offer. At that time, the fact that I had gotten into a higher-ranked school kind of alleviated the pain of not having gotten into my first choice. But let me tell you, even after almost four years in the PhD program in the ivy league school, I cannot pretend that I wouldn't have preferred the other school. I want to make this clear: This is a very subjective point of view, and it might not be the case for anyone else. And also: I think it was ultimately for the better that I ended up at my current school instead of my first choice. Academically, I've learned about so many new approaches to philosophy that I would not have been confronted with at my first choice. And I would not have lived in this very exciting global city that I live in now, an experience that is worth having in itself. And perhaps it's true that my chances on the job market are better coming from this school instead of from my first choice. But there is this curious and irrational phenomenon of knowing that this was not my first choice. I was, in some sense, forced to be here as opposed to my first choice, and I know that, despite all the good things, I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been forced to. Do you know the feeling of 'this person looks good on paper, but I just can't fall in love with them'? That's how it feels. I just can't fully fall in love with my current school. And my first choice is a school I had fallen in love with, but was never able to get to know fully. I'll never forget that my current school had always been 'only' my second choice. The irony is, again, from today's perspective, that I might not be happy if I were at my first choice school. But at least I would have gotten the chance to not love it anymore, to grow wary of it. After a while there, I might have felt the same frustrations that I feel at my current school. But I would have gotten it my way, and the only one to blame would have been me. This way, I can never fully get rid of the feeling that the things that are stupid at my current school (and there are many!) might not be a problem if I had only gotten a chance to go to my first choice. As I said, I think that being at my current school is on the whole actually better for me than if I had gotten into my first choice. I just want to express this fully irrational feeling about my first choice that never went away. Perhaps someone can relate?

I might have to correct myself already, as the title is misleading: technically, when I applied to grad school, I only had a first choice, and all other schools (about 10) were 'fall-back options'. And this might already be my most heartfelt advice I could give to current applicants: don't do it with my attitude. Because if you don't get into that one school, you might never fully stop resenting them for not having admitted you. The irony is that my first-choice school was much lower ranked than the school I ended up going to. While I was rejected by my first choice, I got into an ivy league (much to my surprise), and so took their offer. At that time, the fact that I had gotten into a higher-ranked school kind of alleviated the pain of not having gotten into my first choice. But let me tell you, even after almost four years in the PhD program in the ivy league school, I cannot pretend that I wouldn't have preferred the other school. I want to make this clear: This is a very subjective point of view, and it might not be the case for anyone else. And also: I think it was ultimately for the better that I ended up at my current school instead of my first choice. Academically, I've learned about so many new approaches to philosophy that I would not have been confronted with at my first choice. And I would not have lived in this very exciting global city that I live in now, an experience that is worth having in itself. And perhaps it's true that my chances on the job market are better coming from this school instead of from my first choice. But there is this curious and irrational phenomenon of knowing that this was not my first choice. I was, in some sense, forced to be here as opposed to my first choice, and I know that, despite all the good things, I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been forced to. Do you know the feeling of 'this person looks good on paper, but I just can't fall in love with them'? That's how it feels. I just can't fully fall in love with my current school. And my first choice is a school I had fallen in love with, but was never able to get to know fully. I'll never forget that my current school had always been 'only' my second choice. The irony is, again, from today's perspective, that I might not be happy if I were at my first choice school. But at least I would have gotten the chance to not love it anymore, to grow wary of it. After a while there, I might have felt the same frustrations that I feel at my current school. But I would have gotten it my way, and the only one to blame would have been me. This way, I can never fully get rid of the feeling that the things that are stupid at my current school (and there are many!) might not be a problem if I had only gotten a chance to go to my first choice. I don't want to discourage anyone to go with their second (or third, or fourth, or nth) choice, on the contrary. As I said, I think that being at my current school is on the whole actually better for me than if I had gotten into my first choice. I just want to express this fully irrational feeling about my first choice that never went away. Perhaps someone can relate?