HighHopes92

I'm 11 months left from the deadline for the delivery of my thesis. I started this topic with high enthusiasm and hopes to change the world. Don't we all? But my supervisor and moving countries crushed a lot of those dreams. I ended up with an existential crisis, more stress that I could handle that wiped away my entire interest in the area. Thankfully, I got a new advisor who is far more supportive, but stil, very much hands off my project for the most part. At this point, I just want to get the PhD and be out of this field for good. My motivation is as dry as Texas. I go to work every day and stare at my computer with a mountain of work to do and I just don't want to do any of it because I'm simply *done*. I push through it in spikes when I can find the motivation for it, and it's how I get by. But for the most part, I'm simply too... Depressed? Sad? Unmotivated? To do anything about it anymore. I've also started enjoying life less. My time with my friends is not enjoyable. I don't sleep very well either - haven't for the last 4 years. I live alone, and the silence is killing me too. There are times when I feel such intense despair, that the thought of dying feels like relief. To someone terribly afraid of death, this thought is quite terrifying. It seems to me this is the path that leads to suicide a few years down the road. And I don't want that. I just received an email, on a Sunday evening, from an editor, asking me to change the header for my paper by tomorrow. You'd think I should be able to let it go and not do it RIGHT NOW on a Sunday evening, right? But no. I can't let it go. I broke down in tears and I'm writing this now. Please offer any advice. Any validation. I'm as desperate as desperate gets...