DupieDuck

Hey stranger thanks for clicking in.? I'm a fourth year English major international student, and I completed my graduation requirements during the last fall semester but haven't applied for graduation yet. I took my GRE (Verbal 161 Writing 4) at 11th grade and it's going to expire soon so I'm going to retake it anyway if I want to apply for any programs. My undergraduate college life is just full of wrong choices. I was so depressed about getting into this university (that ranks 30-40) because of peer pressure: almost all my high school friends went to prestigious schools and I felt like I'm the only one that's left behind. My situation worsens after my bff, a transman committed suicide during my freshman year. I lived in sadness and pain for the following year until I adopted a dog that cheered me up so much in life. However I continuously make wrong choices: in order to complete two minors in art and graduate early, I sometimes enroll in too many classes including art studio classes that are terribly time consuming. Plus I have to do a part-time internship to cover some of my additional living expenses. All of the terrible choices I made above lead me to a very terrible work-life balance. I was so naive that I thought I might handle all the stuff by "working hard and sleeping less" (which now I see as totally unrealistic) and raise the gpa if getting enough As, but in fact just fucked up everything, ending up getting a lot of Bs and a few Cs. Right now besides all graduation requirements, I only completed one independent study with my advisor. I want to apply for a few world lit PhD programs in my junior year, but I know that my GPA is terrible (about 3.0-3.1), so I started doing internships and thinking about forgetting all these grad school stuff. To be honest, I was not passionate about working at all and I wanted to go back to school so much. Some friends have suggested me re-taking some classes that I received a C, but the tuition is indeed expensive and I feel guilty to ask for another $30k from my parents. My current plan is to apply for several MA programs next fall while working after graduation, and if luckily enough, I'm being accepted to one of the programs, I will concentrate on my studies, try not to make mistakes I made during my undergraduate years, and apply for a phD program then. That way I will be a part-time student and sign up for an independent study in world lit while at the same time doing the internship in the spring semester. I'm literately standing at the intersection of life choices and have no idea what to do. Please let me know if you have any advice or similar experience. I wondered if I'm just academically unable to be accepted to any grad schools programs and I should just give up on graduate schools and start working.