sling

I guess it's because I really dislike the long distance. It's exhausting.

Thanks so much for all the feedback! This is very helpful! (Setting my fantasy of starting over at AU aside,) Realistically, after giving it some thought, I think that academically, the best option for me is to stay a student at GU, but be physically in Europe with my advisor for a semester or two: That way I'd remain with my advisor, and keep my committee. One major problem with this is that if I stay a GU student, my funding is too little to live on in the city my advisor is moving to in Europe (in UK). The stipend I'd be getting if I transfer to Europe is 2.5 times what I get in the US - Not because they're more generous, but because life is MUCH more expensive in the city I'd be in... One option would be to ask her if I could register in both schools, and be funded by the one in Europe. Remaining registered at GU would keep me in contact with my committee, being registered at the new school would get me to remain under my advisor's close supervision (and quite frankly, I just really like working with her closely, I don't like the long distance thing much) - and then I'd choose to take the funding from the European school, since that's where I will be, physically... Another option, if the double-registration doesn't work, would be to ask her if I could be a visiting RA with her for a semester or a year (that way I can remain registered in the US, but be able to spend time in the UK without worrying about my US stipend being too little to live on, since I'd be getting paid for RAing for that semester...) One majorly important thing - she is benig very nice by giving me options (she could have said "yeah I'm moving, see ya", or she could have also decided for me what I would do, but she didn't)... and I'm really worried about sounding like I'm being a picky brat if I ask her about ridiculous-sounding options... do you guys think that the options I'm describing are ridiculous?

I'm in a dilemma, and I'd really appreciate advice... My current university: I'm in my fourth year of a 5-year PhD program in the US (I have funding for 2 more years). I joined this PhD program straight out of undergrad, and earned an MA along the way. Let's call this school GU (for 'generous-faculty university'). My undergrad was in a completely different major. I learned everything I know in GU, and especially from my advisor who spent a LOT of time and effort into training me. I also have a big, very generous committee: 4 people besides my advisor meet with me regularly and give me feedback. They almost never get along, and one of them has serious boundary issues with me - but aside from some imperfections, they're great. My advisor: This last year, my advisor was on sabbatical, which she spent in Europe. During this time, we met every single week on Skype, and talked for over two hours about my work and my progress, she was advising me every step of the way. I also took that opportunity to spend a semester at a VERY prestigious university (let's call it AU - for 'awesome university'), where I met regularly, and got along greatly with a number of faculty members - they were all also very generous, and even had some advantages over those at my home school [not counting my advisor]. My fantasy: Having started my PhD program straight out of undergrad, I was often jealous of those who had MAs or some PhD work before joining and were "totally on top of things" from day 1, when it took me two years and a LOT of help from my advisor to get on top of things (though, thanks to my advisor, I'm now one of the better students in the department). I often fantasized about getting a chance to start over in my own school, then when I was visiting AU, I fantasized about starting over at AU... but it was just a fantasy, because I wouldn't change my advisor for anyone. My advisor is leaving GU: I just submitted the first chapter of my dissertation (which in my school involves an examination process and a defense, the other chapters don't have the same process). After I submitted, my advisor asked for a Skype appointment. During our appointment, she said that she's been offered a job in Europe that she thinks she will accept. She said she didn't want to tell me while I was writing my paper so I wouldn't panic, but that she is NOT leaving me behind. She said she would remain my advisor (insofar as I would like her to), regardless what I do. She also negotiated funding for me at the school she's joining (funding comparable to what I have now: 2 years) My options: She gave me two options: 1- Stay put at GU, get another 'formal' advisor, and have her as co-advisor - and she will continue to advise me fully as she is now, just through Skype not in person, and she will give me her full support Pro: staying put is good! my school currently ranks higher than the one she's moving to, and I keep my committee. Con: I'd be orphaned in the department with no real advisor to advocate for me: if I'm competing for fellowships, post-doc, etc... 2- Transfer to the new university she's joining, have her as my only advisor, and finish my dissertation with her there... Pro: I keep my advisor, decent funding means I can go back and meet with my committee even if they're not officially my committee (though I don't know if they'd be willing to...) Con: I would lose my committee: In the system she's joining, there is no committee, I would be working exclusively with her. Also, GU is a more established department, the one she's moving to is in building [these cons were pointed out by my advisor herself, so I wouldn't be offending her by considering it.] My advisor is a well established, well known, and well respected scholar. She's also very professional and very generous. Also, I've been very happy at my school, but I think that without her in it, my current university has very little appeal to me. Especially with the one faculty member who has boundary issues with me (my advisor can mark her territory when she's there, if I'm advisor-less, that unprofessional faculty member might do even worse things that she does now - meddling in my affairs). But also, I don't want to transfer to a school that few have heard of, and I don't want to be without a committee - I like having a committee! Third option: As I said, I often fantasized about starting over, but it was never an option because I would never leave my advisor. Now that my advisor is leaving, maybe it's not so bad anymore? I am thinking of applying to this awesome university that I was visiting (AU) and try to start over in it.. Pro: I'd get a degree from the most prestigious department in the field. I might be able to convince my advisor to co-advise me there, I'd be competing for a higher tier job market altogether... Con: I'd spend 3 years longer than planned away from my husband; it's a very intense program so it might be a bit depressing - especially the first two years with classes; I might not end up being able to write the dissertation that I now want to write and that my advisor and I invested a lot of time in developing... (alternatively, I could transfer to the European program, finish my dissertation there, then try for this prestigious school and get two PhDs - then they would be significantly different degrees because they're from different systems - unlike if I finish the dissertation at UG. But that's an even longer time away from my husband!) Any thoughts would be appreciated! P.S. I'm currently 26, I just got married (last week!), and my husband is cool with pretty much anything I do, but with a slight discomfort. Also, my dad just got diagnosed with cancer so I will be spending most of the coming semester or possibly the whole coming year at home (which is neither in the US nor Europe, but much closer to Europe).