Patrick McMahon

Hi. (Apologies, this is a little lengthy) So, I'm a sophomore at Boston College double majoring in Math and Music. I am having a really hard time deciding whether or not I really should keep the math major. The math classes here at BC are really hard and even though I pass, it's always by the skin of my teeth (C range). Such has been the sake for my science classes too. I am a really bad test taker; I have really bad testing anxiety such that I'm paralyzed with stress beforehand and the stress makes me sick because it compromises my immune system. I have extended time but it doesn't matter that much in the grand scheme of things. I also think that I am just not absorbing everything fast enough in time for the exams, which isn't surprising considering the amount of information I need to know for the rest of my classes. It's like putting a ton of water into one sink with a drain; the water can only drain out soo fast. So too is it the case with my absorption of knowledge I just don't have enough time. TRIGGER WARNING I have a history of anxiety and suicidal depression that almost forced me to drop out first semester freshman year but I was able to make it through but I'm still only keeping it at bay at this point. Yes, I see a therapist. Every Wednesday. I currently take 5 classes (2 math (a 200 course and 400 course), 1 chem, 1 philosophy, 1 music) and 1 lab for a total of 16 credits this semester (I don't know if thats normal; several of my friends at other schools only take 4 per semester and thats normal) and they are all sucking the life out of me because they are all an impossible amount of work to deal with together. The math and science especially have really hurt my GPA over the last two years; I currently have a 2.698 GPA and I don't foresee it getting any better after this semester, considering this has been my hardest semester in terms of content. I originally had intentions of getting a Ph.D in math because I really wanted to teach and do research, but now, given my difficulties, I'm starting to wonder if that's at all possible. I have music as a backup option and I could just drop math down to a minor, but I'm nervous about closing the door completely on the idea of grad school for math. But also, I could arguably go to grad school for music too, but I'd need to back off the math so that my GPA could raise. I totally think I'm capable of getting a Ph.D in math if I weren't devoting all the rest of my energy into soo many other commitments and classes. I've done really well in my music classes here at BC and would love it if I could teach (again, at the college level) and I sing in a choir that not only gets to travel to Europe every year, but that also performs with the Boston Pops Orchestra every year; I've done things with music I never could have imagined doing before and it makes me happy. So I have several questions: If I drop my math major to a minor, what do grad school prospects look like if I decide I want to get my doctorate in math one day? If I decided to keep the math major with music and assuming my GPA stays in roughly the same range, what are my chances of still getting into a good grad school with a degree from BC (Not looking for Ivy League level or even the tier beneath like BC; just something that's still got a good program for math)? If I keep math but decide I don't want to get a graduate math degree, what are my chances of getting into a decent school for music, again, assuming that my GPA stays roughly the same given the difficulty of math? What the heck can I even do right after college with a music degree and a minor in math?