redice

Alright, I get all bundled up to walk the dog and check my mail (mainly just check the mail). So we get outside and I am putting some muscle into steering the hound away from her usual play spot and towards the mail boxes. After all that hefting on my part what do I find????????? A burning, stinging, and yes, empty mailbox. At this point I am so defeated that the pup can drag me any which way she chooses (through mud, on-coming traffic, the neighbors yard that has no-trespassing signs which can be seen from the space shuttle... you get the picture). Well, just as this canine was about to lead me into a drainage ditch of questionable origin, I looked up and what did I spy?? The mailman in all his mail carrying glory (I am not sure, but I believe there was an aura of pure white light surrounding his mail truck). At this point in the epic, our hero is still about a block away (the aura of white light must have made him easier to see). Well, I came to life instantly and stopped my skid into that questionable drainage ditch and drug the fur ball back up the little hill. At this point, I am like a jungle cat. No move that mailman made went undetected. Slowly but surely that magical mail truck chugged its way down the block (only stopping to give other people their mail. Really!!! What is all that about anyways?? None of those folks could be expecting anything nearly as important, but I digress). Where was I, oh yes! Our hero made it to the end of the block and turned the corner, from there it was smooth sailing to my bank of mailboxes. This is when my jungle cat instincts really kick in. My stealthy side-kick and I slowly and surreptitiously make our way towards the mailboxes. About twenty feet away my side-kick and I decided to stop and watch (well, in all honesty, my trusty side-kick saw a pile of snow that desperately needed sniffing. BUT, I watched the mailboxes.) So we watched and waited with the mantra "Please let that big manila envelope be for box 11" playing over and over in my head. From out of nowhere, music swelled to a fevered pitch and then our hero got back in his truck and left my life with virtually no fanfare (ok, no fanfare). I rush to the mailbox with my heart beating in my ears and my dog dragging behind me (I guess she thought a more subtle approach was needed). I approach the mailbox. Was it empty now??????? NO, it was not empty now!!!!!!!!! So, with all the trepidation of one reaching into a lions mouth I get my mail. At this point, the pup was on board with me and was standing eagerly at my feet. I could see the questions in her eyes. "Are we moving to Florida, Boston, Newark, or St Louis?????" I look at her then to the heavens and then I looked down at the mail clutched in my clammy hand. And what was it you ask, well I can't really begin to describe what it was. (don't get jealous when I tell you) Apparently, the person who lived here before me had a penchant for bow ties. So, instead of holding my future in my hands, I held a catalog to Beau Ties LTD. of Vermont (with a three dollar off coupon). With a heavy sigh I trudged back to my apartment in search of a dark room and dreading tomorrows epic already. Take care everybody.