yike

I've started sending "No thank you" letters and it's just... breaking my heart.

I only applied to schools that I'd be absolutely ecstatic to attend. My preferences for one school over others are so minute, so it's hard to say "good-bye" before I've even said "hello" to places I'm sure I'd have been very happy.

I'm sure they totally don't care, but they at least act disappointed in their responses to my letters, and that makes it even harder.

Anyone else having any sort of existential crisis over this trying conclusion to a year-long struggle?

Hi all! I'm an Associate Professor at a top-20 R1. The single best piece of advice I can give you about how to approach your visit day (and how to approach the decision-making process more generally) is to NOT choose a program based on one professor with whom you want to work. Keep in mind that you're choosing a program, not a person. At most, you'll be lucky to take two classes with your POI. Most of your interactions outside of research (in classes you take, as a TA, on your qualifying exam committee, etc) will be with other profs. Obviously you should choose a program that's a good fit for your interests. And if there aren't any faculty who are doing research even remotely related to your interest then you shouldn't go to that program. But the worst thing you can do is to choose a program based on one person. Even if your POI says s/he doesn't have plans to retire or leave the Univ anytime soon, circumstances change (btw, I'm not certain you can ask the "retire" question without implying that you think the person is old). Your POI may very well leave or retire. Or you and s/he may not get along. Your best bet is to choose a *program* that will provide you with the best training based on your interests and career aspirations, so you're insulated if your POI leaves for another U, retires, is a jerk, goes into administration, or drastically changes his/her research agenda).

What does this mean with regard to visit advice? You should meet with as many faculty members in your chosen field and related field(s) as possible during your visit. If you're asked who you'd like to meet with, provide a longish list. You can certainly rank them - people you'd most like to meet with, people you'd like to meet with, and people who it would be great to meet with if there's time. But don't just select your POI and one or two others. Make the most of the visit day to meet with many people. This goes for grad students as well - don't focus solely on your POIs advisees. You want to get a sense of the program as a whole, from a diverse cross-section of grad students.

This is based on experience from six rushes. Any example or issue I raise is from an actual event.

(1) Don't be a jerk. I can tell you this because I am, in fact, a jerk.

(2) Business casual is fine. If you want to add a blazer to your shirt and slacks, that's cool, but don't be a jerk about it. No shiny Ed Hardy shirts.

(3) Ask if you can sit in a class or two. If you do, don't be a jerk in class. You're there to observe, not to interrupt. If the professor asks you a question or something, go ahead and participate, but don't be a jerk about it.

An example on (3). Last year, we had a guy sit in our (highly technical) dynamic modeling class. He happened to sit in the dryest, hardest lecture of the year. So the professor proves a theorem on the board that has us all panting and trembling, and he writes out "for all" on the board in doing so. During break, the prospective student rocks up to the professor and is alike "Hey, why did you write out 'for all' instead of using the upside-down A? That would have been more rigorous.'" Don't be like that. That's jerky.

(4) If you are a jerk when you are drunk, then do not drink too much. If you are fun when you are drunk (but not a fun jerk---there are fun jerks out there), wait until the faculty are gone and then rock the f**k out.

(5) You can ask professors if they're happy at Department X, but don't be a jerk about it. Don't ask if they have a mortgage or anything. That's jerky. If they're unhappy, they'll say so in code. Don't press.

(6) Don't be a jerk on academic grounds. Don't talk down to people. Don't tell people they *need* to read a paper or a book. Don't talk about your own research unless asked. Don't say you published unless it's a real journal. Like, a real journal.

(7) Ask the students the hard questions, but don't be a jerk about it. Ask about their research to get a sense of the training. Don't feign being impressed, but don't get too critical. Ask what they're happy about, what they're unhappy about. Be discriminating-seeming but not critical.

(8) Don't be a jerk about other schools you're considering. Not everything you see at Department X reminds you of something you might see on your pending visit at Department Y. You don't have to rattle off your list all the live-long day; that's jerky. You came to visit and learn more about Department X, so stick to that.

(9) Don't be a jerk about stipends just yet. If you want to ask for more, visit day isn't the day to do it. That's really jerky.

(10) Don't be a jerk with the other visitors. Don't probe them constantly. Don't seem indifferent. If you go to Department X, then these people will be your all-nighter buddies during problem sets; your comp stress empathizers; your idea-bouncers. Don't get that off on the wrong foot.

(11) Seem like somebody that faculty and grad students will want to work with. The best way to do that is to avoid being a jerk.

And no, your offer won't be revoked if you're a jerk. But impressions matter. They matter with potential advisors, with other grad cohortmates you might coauthor with, with older grad students that might offer well-timed advice. You may think you've made it (and you have, and your achievements should be celebrated), but you'll be a lowly first-year soon enough. It's going to be a lot of fun, and you might as well get the experience off on the right foot.

I would suggest that you pick 2-3 professors whose work is pertinent to your own and do the following:

1. ask for the contact information of some of their current advisees - if possible, in different stages of their studies - and get in touch with them either while you're there or via email. ASK THE STUDENTS if there's anything they would have wanted to know about the program that no one told them
2. ask them about their current projects, what phases they're at, and what (if anything) their students do to engage in their research
3. ask for some publications that were co-authored with students (probably just ask the point of contact for your subfield on that one)
4. ask about the department's success in bringing in research grants, and which projects are likely to bring students on board in the next year or so (obviously this won't be too relevant to you, as you won't have much of an opportunity to do things like that until after your first year or so, but it might give you an idea of how carefully the professors consider their students' research as well as their own)
5. ask about what the department prides itself on regarding the candidates it puts onto the market

I definitely share the goals PickMe! mentioned, but the livability of the environment is also really important to me. If you're choosing from a couple of or several similarly ranked schools, consider whether or not you'd be happy living in that environment for the next 5-7 years. Does the area offer the opportunity to engage in things (other than research ) that you love to do? I've definitely heard that happier grad students are more productive grad students. I think for me, personally, that's a big factor. Of course the questions to ask students that will give you an idea of whether or not you can be happy at that school will vary from person to person, but maybe just asking the current students to run you through what their lives look like holistically would be a good idea.

I asked my current mentor about this and she told me that most professors don't care about how you look or what you wear so comfortable is the best option. According to her, "some of the professors you'll meet will look like they haven't showered in 10 years so you'll be fine." She did say that this may not be the case at other institutions (i.e. Ivies) but even then it isn't necessary to be too formal. Based on that, I'm going with dark jeans and a button-down shirt.

My three basic goals for grad school are 1) do awesome research, 2) publish/present, and 3) not be completely broke, so as far as questions go, I'm interested in talking to current grad students about their experiences. Hopefully they'll be pretty honest and paint a more accurate picture of what to expect if I choose to go there. Other than that, I'm looking to get some more funding info (Is it paid over 9 or 12 months? What does conference funding look like? What are the expectations/duties of a TA? Etc.) and an idea of how faculty interact with students (Do they regularly co-author? How often do they like to meet? Etc.).

Then again I haven't been to one of these before soooooo yeah...