Just received my fourth and final rejection a few minutes ago, and it’s also my first year applying, so I completely understand how you feel.
While I’m not certain this process is something I want to go through again, I can’t help but think of all the steps that led me to where I am currently (full transparency, that place is my bedroom floor, where I am folded in a fetal position, crying).
I think of the years, the amount of shitty first drafts and the hours spent staring at a blank word doc. I can recall each and every time I became discouraged and imagined a life in which I had chosen a more lucrative path. Something that requires sensible heels and a closet of black and beige.
I also think about the courage it took. I remember the times I submitted short stories to my middle school writing competitions, and how I never seemed able to earn anything above honorable mention. I think of the teacher who told me when I was sixteen that I wouldn’t have a future as a writer. Mostly, though, I think of how in spite of it all, I kept writing. I never knew in those moments of failure, that around the corner, there was always an interested publication or a professor who said my writing was the reason they enjoyed their job. I just needed the strength and courage to dust myself off and keep creating.
Even if the world decides that I’m a bad writer, the little girl who wrote chapters of her book in shaky handwriting on wide-ruled paper, who fantasized about pages of swashbuckling pirates and pink mermaids, all bound together under my name— she’s still here, cheering for me. Even if I don’t apply again and choose a different path instead, I’ll continue writing, just to keep her dream alive. It doesn’t matter if it’s bad tumblr fanfiction or the next great American novel. Even though today resides firmly on my personal “failure” list, after all of these years, all of the bravery it took to get here— it can’t be for nothing, right?
To those of you who are feeling discouraged, think of your own bravery. Think of the version of you who decided they wanted this. Keep writing.
