phantomlime

Hi everyone, I am entering my first year of my Sociology PhD and would really like to chat with some other autistic grad students, especially if anyone has some general advice. I am obviously really passionate about my studies and work, and at my orientation yesterday I fear I came across as bragging or embarrassingly enthusiastic. I try to make sure I am obviously interested in what others are doing too, but I just struggle to hold those conversations and I have a bad tendency to info-dump when people show some slight interest in my topic (not in a way that sounds like I'm teaching about it, very much in an "isn't this just so cool??" sort of way). Anyway, I'm definitely having a hard time balancing my real want develop relationships with the other people in the department (grad students and faculty) and just the struggles of masking long-term in these environments. I was doing good towards the start of the day, but by the second half of the nine hours of constant socializing orientation I really felt like I could not contain my excitement anymore, and my reactions to things were less well managed than I would've liked. Very embarrassing, but I'm hoping they sort of write off my first-day behavior as because it's a lot of information, some last minute issues were noticed then, and I met a ton of new people. Unfortunately, my Uni doesn't seem to have an autism support group, which is surprising me. I'm sure there are others in my position, so I would really like to talk and hear your experiences. I'm hoping I just come across as a quirky, excited, and passionate, but I'm afraid it comes across as immature, naive, and posturing. I'm the youngest in my cohort (not dramatically, but I've had a really... focused education so very different/limited life experiences compared to the others in my cohort) and I'm pretty chatty. Trying to change the things I am worried about feels genuinely impossible. I've been trying my entire life to manage this info-dumping or bad conversational turn-taking and right now it doesn't seem feasible. Being here has been my goal since I was a senior in high school. I am over the moon and genuinely cannot contain my excitement. I really want to be a quiet person, but I'm just starting to accept that that's not me. I don't think it's worth it to file for accommodations (personally) at the graduate level. That said, I could really use tips for getting through these next few years. I have definitely developed some skills throughout undergrad, but of course the dynamic between students and faculty are different at the graduate level, and that's what I am more worried about. Finding the balance between friendly/competent/likeable and pushy/posturing/obnoxious. And, I'm not great at noticing when a short break could prevent overstimulation, it pretty quickly goes from "oh this is uncomfortable" to "Oh I cannot get myself to act and behave and think in the ways I want to because I am so overstimulated" so any tips in that realm would be helpful too. Thanks in advance! I'd love to hear your experiences as an autistic graduate student!

Just wanted to share this where others might empathize or have thoughts-- I have 3 admits and 1 waitlist at the moment. One of the programs would be incredible, it was pretty much exactly what I was looking for. The biggest issue is the funding -- it can't compete at all with another school. And I really love all the schools I applied to! But this one is just an incredible match, I just have that gut feeling about it. But I know that there is no way I could live in Denver on a 10k/year stipend that is not guaranteed for more than 2 years. Another program which is much closer to my family (which is important to me) is giving me 27k/yr for five years. And I do really love that program! I don't know. I just feel so torn and crushed... I can't sign myself up for five-six years of scrapping together funding when a) I have another option that would guarantee that I didn't have to do that and b) external funding sources for sociologists (and my research interests, specifically) are potentially going away, who knows, right? But I feel no security looking for external funding, especially with the Trump administration doing whatever the hell with NIH, NSF, and CDC (I do medical soc). Am I making the wrong decision by going to a program that doesn't give me the same gut feeling but would support me financially infinitely better? Don't get me wrong -- I am excited by the program! But the other one is just so specifically perfect because it's an interdisciplinary degree centered on my research interests, rather than a sociology degree with a department that fits my interests. And I want to be a sociologists, but the interdisciplinary degree has so many people who not only do med soc but do MY type of med soc. This decision has been weighing on me so bad there are days when I can barely keep food down (well, that and the general state of the US and the implications for our discipline). Ugh. This is a problem that 3 months ago me wished to have but now I wish the interdisciplinary program rejected me so I didn't have to even consider turning them down. Which is a ridiculous thought, but I just can't imagine 10,000/year, with maybe an additional 5-7k if I TA as well (again, only for 2 years). When compared to a guarantee of 27k for 5 years, it just feels stupid to choose that program. Genuinely heartbroken. Not to mention that all my big-name school decisions are still yet to be returned. Not that I expect admits from them, but it's just hard to make this decision when I'm still waitlisted at one of my top choices and the other big-names haven't release their choices yet (well, two have, one seems to have sent out the first like 4-7 admits but didn't release waitlists/rejects. UPenn I expect a reject from either way because they are my weakest fit). And I have to make a decision by March 3. AH! The stress is killing me. Still not worse than when I was writing my applications, though.