barnswallow86

Hey everyone, long-time lurker but finally decided to post - because I have a bit of a complicated cohort/friends situation and could really use some advice =/ I'm a first-year grad student in an engineering department, and my long-time partner is at the same school for a different engineering subset. We belong to different departments. From August (when we moved to our new town) until about January, I seriously struggled with feeling out of place and "different" within my cohort (my class). Everyone in my cohort is nice and friendly enough, but I just feel out of place when I hang out with them. If we're all out eating dinner together, I have a politely pleasant time with them, but I'm really aware of filtering what I actually want to say/remark/talk about, because the group vibe is fairly straight-laced and subdued. For example: one night we were having dinner at a casual place, and most of us ordered a drink. The topic of college came up, and I tried to get a really potentially fun conversation going about fun/slightly crazy college memories. Since I'm really conscious that it's hard to make real friends without being yourself, I put myself out there by telling about a really funny night I had during college. It was slightly crazy but nothing out of the norm, and I tried to get the ball rolling for other people to share some funny stories. I just got these looks with no response, which made me feel like I was really weird or something. Fail. That's just one example, and after a while it was really getting to me that I was so out of place in the group, and that I didn't feel like they were interested in me at all. Telling personal stories, suggesting going out to a bar, or just trying to be spontaneous/open didn't go over very well. I felt like either the one who was corrupting people (and believe me, I'm pretty tame) or who was just weird for being myself. So around January, I happened to meet some of my partner's friends from his department. As soon as we hung out for the first time as a group...I had the most fun I've had in months!! All we did was hang out at someone's apartment and talk, but it was so awesome to feel like I could be myself and say what I wanted to say. They're really open and fun and irreverent, but super hard workers and great students at the same time - and I feel like I've gotten closer with them in weeks than I did with my cohort in months of serious struggling. They've already started counting me as one of their own, and they always ask about me if I am absent at a hangout or something. It feels awesome to feel so included. So basically, I have absolutely no issue/problem with my old cohort, I just want to stay with my new group now...but I'm worried that they've noticed my drifting away and might be talking about it or thinking I don't like them or something, which is not the case at all. They're nice people, but I just know which group I'm going to be happy with. However, I've had a lot of anxiety lately over not wanting to offend anyone by not hanging out as much. Any advice on how to handle this...would be extremely appreciated =)