UPDATE: Got an email from the chair of the Brandeis' Anthropology grad program. They "can't" admit me to the Phd program, but they offered me an MA slot with a partial fellowship that's actually fairly generous as far as those things go and is the only thing that's keeping me from saying "no thanks; don't need another one of those."
So yeah. I have yet to decide whether the bottle of vodka in the freezer is going to be conciliatory or celebratory tonight. And by tonight I mean in a few minutes.
I can only vouch for Brandeis when I say that I have heard absolutely nothing since early February, when I was told I would hear "in a few weeks."
Sorry about the lack of information. If you need me, I'll be right here on the edge of my seat, weaving a quilt from the rejection letters I've gotten thus far.