gssc29

Thanks for all the responses. There is an anti-discrimination policy at the university. At the time, I considered saying something, but I think the people I was supposed to go to had been in the room at the time. Plus, I wasn't in a good place that semester personally and I really didn't want to risk any potential negative consequences. That's good advice - for various reasons (family, finances, etc.) and the nature of my research, I couldn't see myself in another program. I think I may tactfully come out to my advisor though and let her know it's on my mind when considering continuing on for my PhD. I haven't really sat down with her and discussed things long term. As I've been meaning to have a conversation in that vein anyway, I think that'd be a good step. I agree, I don't want to hide, while I certainly don't want to unnecessarily bring in my private life and mix it with my professional life. If I were to get into a relationship, I'd inevitably run into people I knew from work and it'd become known. Plus, people are pretty open with their personal lives in my department so it'd be strange if I never mentioned mine. So keeping the two separate without purposely hiding it would be difficult, I'm afraid. Another consideration is that if I go for my PhD, there's an extremely small dating pool in my town . . . so maybe I won't even have to worry about that! It isn't, although I'd rather not get too specific. You could consider it under the umbrella of applied sciences. That might be the case, but I fly pretty well beneath most people's gaydar. Most people I've come out to said they were surprised and had no idea. Also, I was quite a new student then and most people wouldn't have even known my name or have recognized me. Given the context of what was said, it wasn't meant in a friendly joking way. I should clarify the comment was in no way consciously directed against me, but was rather a general comment referring to gay people in general as 'fruits'. I don't know. I keep worrying that I'm overthinking this, since it was only just one comment and nothing as direct as that has come up since. I keep looking for anything else I could judge the general atmosphere off of, and then I feel like I'm being paranoid. I think a good step would be to bring this up with my advisor soon. I think it'd be best to calmly and tactfully come out to her and gather more information before I commit myself to a PhD program.

Hi all, I'm a year into my Master's program and soon have to decide whether I want to go for my PhD. While going for my PhD was my original goal, I feel conflicted now about whether I want to continue on. One of my main hesitations for continuing on has to relate to my being gay. The field I'm in isn't known for being gay friendly and I came into grad school not sure what to expect. I've never heard the topic come up at work, save for one occasion when someone referred to gay people as fruits at a departmental meeting. About half the room laughed at it, and a lot of the higher ups in my department were in the room at the time. Although it was just one occasion and I likely overreacted to it, it kind of freaked me out. I didn't say anything and figured it was smarter not to. Since then, I haven't heard anything more mentioned, though I've tended to avoid non-essential departmental meetings. Given the nature of my research, I've mostly worked on my own so I've had limited contact with others in my department. Even though that's been almost a year ago and it's hard to extrapolate from one data point, I keep coming back to that one instance. The comment itself didn't get to me; rather, I'm worried about how others in my department might react and how that could affect my future career. While I'm out to friends, I'm not sure how long I can remain in the closet at work. Going for a PhD would mean a commitment of four to five years, and I'd inevitably want to get in a relationship. If I did, there'd be little chance I could fully separate my personal and professional life. If I were to come out, I know there would be some people in my department - mostly other grad students - that would be supportive. I don't know how my advisor would react, but I can make an informed guess that she'd be supportive too. But there are others that I work with that may react badly. Now, there's a great opportunity for me to go for my PhD. The work is pretty much what I'd dream doing. However, as part of the work I'd be doing, we'd be collaborating with another institution that is anti-gay. While my work with them would be fairly limited and I'm at an institution with all the adequate anti-discrimination protections, that has me a bit uneasy. I feel really torn. On one hand, I'm really passionate about my work and want to continue with it. But on the other hand, I want to have a personal life and not have to hide it. Anyone have any advice or personal experiences who can relate? Thanks, David