Is it rude to keep them waiting?

[Nebz]

Hi everyone!

I applied to several PhD programs in the microbiology/biomedical fields. I received an acceptance a few weeks ago from one I interviewed with. The interview went great and I loved the program and atmosphere. However, I'm waiting to accept the offer until I hear back from another school. It's a local school and my Dad really wants me to go there if I get in. I haven't heard a word yet from the local school about the status of my application. I emailed them last week to inquire, but haven't gotten any reply. I see on the results section that some people have already been accepted and wait-listed to the program. 

I really want to go ahead and accept the offer of the school I interviewed with. They were so nice to me there and act like they really want me there. I feel like the longer I keep them waiting for my reply, the ruder they will perceive me as. At the same time, I want to respect my Dad's wishes by waiting until I hear back from the local school.

Any advice? Thank you all!

[ExponentialDecay]

Do you want to go to the local school? It's nice to honor your parents' wishes, but you have to live your life, not your parents. If you don't want to attend the local school, not only is it pointless to await a response you don't need, but you should probably let them know to take you out of consideration, since you're wasting their time as well... and I doubt having the conversation with your dad about not going local is going to get easier if you get accepted.

[Nebz]

13 minutes ago, ExponentialDecay said:

Do you want to go to the local school? It's nice to honor your parents' wishes, but you have to live your life, not your parents. If you don't want to attend the local school, not only is it pointless to await a response you don't need, but you should probably let them know to take you out of consideration, since you're wasting their time as well... and I doubt having the conversation with your dad about not going local is going to get easier if you get accepted.

I would consider the local school if I liked the atmosphere there. I read on the results page that they have an accepted students day. I'm thinking they're just waiting to reject me until enough people accept their offers.

[AnxiousNerd]

It's definitely not rude to keep them waiting. Everyone understands that you have to wait and weigh your options first. Even if it bothers them a little, by April 16th they will go right back to not caring. However, it does read like you prefer the other school. Definitely go where you think you'd be happiest and have the most success in your field. Good luck!

[eeIntern1]

My opinion on this is that you should determine what is most important to you. Will you be happier attending the non-local school or be happier at the local school? This is what it is going to come down to either now or later (after you hear back from the local school). By determining this result sooner, you will be able to make a definitive decision sooner as well. I have accepted admission at a university very far from my home, with admission to my undergraduate school pretty much guaranteed. It is going to be very difficult being away from home for so long, especially since I lived at home during my undergrad degree, but I decided that this is the right decision (for me personally). After deciding this, I did not even complete the application to my local university, and I was able to quickly accept a strong offer. 

If you know you are going to end up at a certain school in the end (sounds like it by your positive experience), I think it is best to accept it early rather than wait and then accept at the end. I feel the professors who admitted you will be more pleased with your seriousness in accepting quickly rather than making them question if they need to be looking for someone else to fill the position. However, there is no problem is also waiting to obtain all offers and making an informed decision at a later time.

Edited March 3, 2018 by eeIntern1