Hating my Masters Program

[EntourageDude1995]

Hi everyone, 

Firstly, let me say this is my first post here, and I just made an account today. This is my first post. Now, onto my post...

I'm in my second semester of a 3-semester Masters program in International Peace & Conflict Resolution at a small university in Pennsylvania. I don't work because I'm a full-time student and live with my family. I graduated with a Bachelors in International Studies from the same school, and since I'd already taken some of the classes from the program, I decided to apply. I got in and enrolled for the fall after graduating, even though I felt burnt out, because it was only 3 semesters and my family was pressuring me to do so. 

Initially I felt good about going in. I took a mediation class that got me certified and only lasted through the end of October. I'm taking a 6-week internship in Cyprus over the summer, which really excites me. And I'm also interning for a think tank here in the states. However, now I'm feeling disappointed and burned out. One of the reasons is that the program seems more counseling-focused in certain ways than related to international affairs or conflict resolution. Two of our required classes are really boring and cheesy--basically, one consisted of journaling online about our life trauma and the other consists of sitting in a circle every class and doing the same thing. The other required class--which includes a 10-day trip to Northern Ireland--is also taught in a dull manner. My two electives this semester are Social Movements (which I love) and a class about Sierra Leone that includes a 10-day trip there in May--this class is just OK. One of the issues I think is that I've taken the more interesting courses that the program offers either last semester or in undergrad. That's making me dread the thought of taking classes in the fall (besides my capstone) that could very well turn out to be boring/unhelpful. 

Secondly, a few members of my cohort caused quite a bit of petty drama last semester that is still lingering and creating bad vibes. Already, two people (including one of those who stirred the pot) left the program and another is leaving after this semester for another program. Almost everyone in the cohort is disappointed with the program, and feels it didn't live up to its promise. I'm not leaving the program, because I'm nearly halfway there and I do want my Masters. But at this point, I'm only here for the traveling, and I know a few others feel the same way. I dread coming to most of my classes, because I know that I'll either waste my time with bullshit required courses, or I'll be bored and could've spent more time doing internship work or something else. I do have Thursdays and Fridays off and I go to the gym, walk my dog, etc. While these things sometimes help, I'm still feeling depressed and overwhelmed and have no idea what to do. I just feel like my life has become too routine and quite disappointing, partially because of school, and dropping out has crossed my mind at times. I used to want to go get my PhD years down the line, but now I’m not so sure just because my experience with graduate school so far. I hate to sound like I'm just whining or complaining, but I honestly don't know how to overcome this and I guess I need advice on how to cope from those who have done this before. 

 

[ExponentialDecay]

Firstly, let me say this is my first post here, and I just made an account today. This is my first post. Now, onto my post...

???? OP come on

tbh I'm having trouble mustering any empathy because I don't see what's wrong. You're taking easy classes, you're working in your field, you have a bunch of exciting travel coming up (I wish my grad school would take me to Sierra Leone ffs), and you get to live at home and save money doing it? Why are you upset again?

It seems like you were pressured by family into doing this despite not wanting to, and now you're suffering from making the wrong choice, even though objectively it turned out all right. So let that be a lesson to you. You're a big boy or girl now, and you are responsible for the decisions you make because you will be bearing their consequences. Don't let people pressure you into shit anymore.

[FishNerd]

21 hours ago, EntourageDude1995 said:

I'm not leaving the program, because I'm nearly halfway there and I do want my Masters.

I think you should keep this in the front of your mind. You are so close that it doesn't make any sense other than to just tough it out. It sucks that the classes are a bit of a bore but it doesn't sound like you're the type to give up based on the above statement. Honestly about a year into my Master's I hit a slump and was always questioning why I decided to take on the project that I did and I struggled with finding the motivation to keep moving forward. I eventually moved past it and came to love my project and the knowledge I have gained during my Master's but it did take some time for me to realize just how much I was learning and progressing in my education. I'm not saying that will happen with you but it did eventually happen with me and it allowed me to figure out what type of research I wanted to pursue during a PhD. What helped me through my slump though was honestly talking about it with other graduate students because they had the same feelings I did and it sounds like you have people in your program that you can vent too. The venting about my situation with others in a similar situation helped me a lot in feeling justified in feeling frustrated and dissatisfied. I can't say venting was what helped me move past my slump because it just took time for me to move past it, but in the moment the venting with others in my program/lab helped me in not feeling alone through all of it.

21 hours ago, EntourageDude1995 said:

Initially I felt good about going in. I took a mediation class that got me certified and only lasted through the end of October. I'm taking a 6-week internship in Cyprus over the summer, which really excites me. And I'm also interning for a think tank here in the states. However, now I'm feeling disappointed and burned out. One of the reasons is that the program seems more counseling-focused in certain ways than related to international affairs or conflict resolution. Two of our required classes are really boring and cheesy--basically, one consisted of journaling online about our life trauma and the other consists of sitting in a circle every class and doing the same thing. The other required class--which includes a 10-day trip to Northern Ireland--is also taught in a dull manner. My two electives this semester are Social Movements (which I love) and a class about Sierra Leone that includes a 10-day trip there in May--this class is just OK. One of the issues I think is that I've taken the more interesting courses that the program offers either last semester or in undergrad. That's making me dread the thought of taking classes in the fall (besides my capstone) that could very well turn out to be boring/unhelpful. 

As an outsider looking in at your situation it really sounds like your program is doing its best to give you good and valuable experiences in your field. Perhaps the courses are not the best but I found that in my field it wasn't the courses that mattered during my Master's, instead it was other experiences (conference presentations, lab training, scientific writing) that I really needed further knowledge in and my Master's provided that. If you feel as if you are gaining good experiences outside of the content of your courses then I think your Master's is doing something to advance you further in your education/career. It sounds like your internship and travels have to be beneficial to your field so maybe try to focus on the good that you are getting out of your program rather than the bad (though as I say above if you need to vent about the bad to not feel alone in it I think that can be good at times too).

21 hours ago, EntourageDude1995 said:

While these things sometimes help, I'm still feeling depressed and overwhelmed and have no idea what to do. I just feel like my life has become too routine and quite disappointing, partially because of school, and dropping out has crossed my mind at times. I used to want to go get my PhD years down the line, but now I’m not so sure just because my experience with graduate school so far.

So honestly from what you say here it really sounds like you are burnt out and after so much school it is easy to feel that way if you aren't enjoying your classes. It really sounds need a break and I think you will get a great break this summer during your internship! Just keep in mind that there isn't too much of the current semester left and keep that internship in the front of your mind as motivation. If pursuing a PhD is what you want after you finish your master's I would suggest keeping the negatives about your current program in mind and watch for those red flags when looking for PhD programs. But if you are feeling super burnt out after your master's it might be best to take a break and work for a bit before jumping back into school.

I'm not sure if any of my words will be helpful to you but I do think it's perfectly normal to sometimes regret going certain paths and it just takes time to come to terms with that and figure out how to manage being dissatisfied in your life. Since the routine is what is bothering you maybe try to break it up as best you can so that it doesn't feel so boring and disappointing. Look forward to the travels you do! Make a plan (like hanging out with people you like to be around, going hiking, going to eat at a restaurant you love or whatever things you like doing that makes you happy) every week to do one thing you can look forward to and that could maybe help break up the routine. I hope you figure out how to change things up so you can get out of your slump.