Two Body Problem

[mn_girl]

Admittedly, this is a bit premature. I am not applying for PhD programs until this coming fall, but I was wondering if anyone out there has any experience with the two body problem, specifically when one's partner is planning on beginning a career rather than gearing up for more school.

My partner, a biology major, will graduate in December with a BS and desires a job somewhere within the wildlife research/management field. Ideally, he'd like to stay in MN (where we live currently) as our families are here and he's familiar with nearly all aspects of the geography and biology of the region. Part of his reluctance to want to move comes from a fear his mediocre grades (around a 2.6) will be a hinderance in any place besides the region where his practical knowledge makes up for it.

I will graduate in May with a BA in English and plan on pursuing my PhD. Most of the advice I've been given regarding location is that it's not likely you'll be hired for a position in the same part of the country that you earn your PhD. Because I know I want to try and be close to family when I raise my own family, I'd like to get out of MN especially and the midwest in general for my studies, for the aforementioned reason and that I've never lived outside the state, and I want to use this time to experience a new part of the country.

Does anyone have any advice for me? My partner has vocalized he sometimes feels like I'm putting my schooling above his starting his career-- how can I talk about compromise to him when it does appear I'm asking him to make huge personal and professional sacrifices just so I can keep going to school? And, for ENG or BIO people in particular-- anyone know of any English programs (specifically strong in 19th century British lit) in areas of the country that would lend themselves well to entry-level biology positions (maybe Colorado or the PNW?)?

Thanks in advance.

[lily_]

I don't know anything about English or Bio programs sorry.

However, I am balancing my career aspirations with my fiance's. This time around, it resulted in me only applying to two schools that were closeby. Fortunately, it works out that one of the most affordable MA's in my field is in our city. He is working on his PhD, and this winter it has required him to travel. If all works according to plan (which it likely won't, but hey here's to hoping) I will finish my MA around the time he finishes his PhD, so the next time I apply for the PhD I can look a bit further afield. It helps that we're in the same field, so when he has to leave to some remote place for 2 months, I can understand it, and know that when and if the time comes for me to go someplace for 2 months without him, he'll understand too.

I know one couple (lawer and PhD hopeful) who simply applied everywhere. They found a place where he was offered a job and she was offered admission to a PhD program, so they were lucky.

You probably really need to ask yourself what is most important to you. Is it this relationship, or is it pursuing your PhD in your field somewhere outside of the Midwest? Are you absolutely certain that there are no schools in the Midwest that you could come to a compromise with location? (There's plenty of great schools in Illinois, especially near and outside of Chicago for example, which is a totally different place than MN).

Best of luck!

[grammercie]

Best wishes to you! Just wanted to say that plenty of couples make the distance thing work quite happily. Grad school can be a strain on marriage even if you're together the whole time. I wouldn't give up on a dream school without really listening to your partner--it might be his or her delight to see you fulfill a dream, and your time away might give your partner time and space to fulfill one of theirs.

[Genomic Repairman]

Has he though of applying for a Department of Natural Resources job with the state wherever you go, or game warden jobs. Another thing is if you move to the coast he might want to check out a job at NOAA

[mudlark]

Does anyone have any advice for me? My partner has vocalized he sometimes feels like I'm putting my schooling above his starting his career-- how can I talk about compromise to him when it does appear I'm asking him to make huge personal and professional sacrifices just so I can keep going to school?

Does your current school's counseling office do couples counseling? My husband and I worked through something similar in couples counseling, and it was amazing. Helped so, so much and made us stronger as a couple.

Otherwise, good luck from a fellow Victorianist.