ARGUMENT ESSAY / ISSUE TASK HELP PLEASE!!! CRITIQUE

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Hi, can someone please help critique my essay i will be taking my GRE Nov. 19 please help, I know im not that good at writing looking for tips on how to improve my writing.

 

Thanks 

ARRGUMENT ESSAY 

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

 

BUCKINGHAM COLLEGE NEW DORMITORIES WOULD NOT BE SUFFIENT ENOUGH FOR NEW STUDENTS IN THE FUTURE. I THINK BECAUSE OF THE AMOUNT OF STUDENTS ENROLLING IN THE NEXT YEARS, WILL CAUSE STUDENTS WHO CAN NOT AFFORD OFF CAMPUS LIVING TO NOT ATTEND THIS COLLEGE. 

THE NEW COLLEGE STUDENTS COMING IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS WOULD NOT HAVE ANYWHERE TO STAY DUE TO HUGE INFLUX WITH STUDENTS AND BECAUSE THEIR WOULD NOT BE ENOUGH SPACE FOR THEM TO LIVE ON CAMPUS. MANY STUDENTS WOULD BE FORCED TO STAY IN OFF CAMPUS HOUSING WHICH THEY WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO AFFORD, BUT THIS WILL MAKE UNDERGRADUATE STUDENTS GET A JOB NEAR CAMPUS. THIS WILL HELP STUDENTS WHO CAN NOT AFFORD OFF CAMPUS HOUSING, BE ABLE TO LIVE IN NEAR THEIR COLLEGE. CONSEQUENTLY I THINK STUDENTS WORKING WHILE FULLTIME IN COLLEGE WILL CAUSE THEIR GRADES TO DECREASE DURING THE ACADEMIC YEAR. 

DECREASE IN GRADES COULD POSSIBLY CAUSE A STUDENT TO FAIL OUT OF THEIR COURSES, WHICH WILL NOT IMPROVE BUCKINGHAM COLLEGE. I THINK FANCY APARTMENTS WILL LURE STUDENTS IN BUT THE MONTHLY RENT WILL ACTUALLY MAKE THEM NOT WANT TO ATTEND DUE TO THE HIGH COST. MANY STUDENTS CAN ALSO CHECK NEWBY COLLEGES AND COMPARE THE COST WHICH WILL MAKE THEM MORE DRAWN TO ATTENDING A MORE AFFORDABLE COLLEGE THAT HAS BETTER COST OF LIVING. 

I THINK THE STUDENTS RESPONSE TO THE HIGH COST OF LIVING WILL MAKE THEM NOT WANT TO ATTEND BUCKINGHAM AND WILL LOOK AT THE COST TO MAKE THEIR DECISION. HOWEVER, I DO THIS DEPENDS ON THE STUDENTS FINANCIAL POINT IN LIFE AND IF THEY HAVE PARENTS TO HELP THEM PAY FOR RENT.  

 

 

 

Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

 

MANY OF STUDENTS INCLUDING MYSELF, HAVE BEEN DISSUADED AT SOME POINT IN THEIR ACADEMIC YEAR DUE TO PREVIOUS HISTORY OF BAD GRADES IN THEIR EARLIER YEARS IN COLLEGE. EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTIONS SHOULD NOT HINDER A STUDENT IN A FIELD OF STUDY THAT THEY FIND INTERESTING, AND INSTEAD I BELIEVE THEY SHOULD ENCOURAGE THEM WHILE THEY ARE STILL COMPLETING THEIR DEGREE. 

COLLEGE ADVISORS THINK THAT THIS IS ASSISTING A STUDENT FORM FAILURE, BUT IN REALLITY THEY ARE SETTING THE STUDENT BACK; BECAUSE THIS CAUSE THEM TO LOOK FOR OTHER FIELDS OF THE STUDY THEY ARE NOT MOST PASSIONATE ABOUT IN COLLEGE. BY SEARCHING AND LOOKING FOR ANOTHER FIELD THIS WILL COST THE STUDENT MONEY AND TIME, DUE THEM TRYING TO FIGURE WHAT ELSE COULD THEY POSSIBLY DO IN ORDER TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL FUTURE CAREER.  COLLEGES SHOULD LET A STUDENT FIGURE OUT IF THEY WILL BE SUCCESSFUL OR NOT IN THE FIELD AND THIS WILL ALLOW THE STUDENTS TO LEARN FROM THEIR PAST EXPERIENCES DURING THEIR ACADEMIC CAREER. EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTIONS ARE NOT BEING FAIR TO STUDENT, BECAUSE ULTIMATELY THE STUDENT COULD END BEING SUCCESSFUL IN THE FIELD OF THEIR CHOICE THAT THEY ENJOY. I THINK THIS IS  THE ISSUE WHY MANY STUDENTS DROP OUT, AND FAIL OUT IN COLLEGE DUE TO ADVISORS NOT ENCOURAGING THE STUDENT TO IMPROVE THEIR GRADES. ADVISORS SHOULD BE THEIR TO HELP THE STUDENT AND UPLIFT THE THEM TO AIM HIGHER IN ORDER TO BE WEALTHY IN THEIR CAREER. 

OTHERWISE, I UNDERSTAND AN EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION IDEA OF DISSUADING A STUDENT BECUASE THEY VIEW THIS AS HELPING THE STUDENT. MANY ADVISORS THINK THIS WILL HELP THEIR SCHOOL AND THE STUDENTS BY HELPING THEM THINK OF OTHER CAREER CHOICES THEY COULD BE SUCCESSFUL. ALTHOUGH, IN SOME SITUATIONS I THINK EVERYONE CAN BENEFIT FROMT THIS BUT SOME OTHER STUDENTS MAY SUFFER DUE THIS DISAPPOINTMENT FROM THEIR ADVIORS/ COLLEGE FACULTY.  FOR EXAMPLE AS FOR MYSELF THIS DIDNT HELP IMPROVE MY EDUCATIONAL GOALS. THIS PREVENTED ME FROM ACTUALLY DOING WHAT I WOULD WANT TO DO IN MY FUTURE CAREER. 

OVERALL I BELEIVE MANY STUDENTS CAN OVER COME FROM DISSUASION FROM THEIR EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION, AND  SHOULD NOT LISTEN TO THEIR EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION AND PURSUE THEIR DREAMS.