GRE Issue & Argument Essay Review PLEASE!

[bsierra]

Magoosh said this is a great place for review. This is my first attempt at the essays, I know they’re probably terrible but some constructive criticism would really help! Thanks!!! Sorry about all the different fonts and everything as well, I copied everything over but it’s not all the same….

 

Issue: Technology, while apparently aimed to simplify our lives, only makes our lives more complicated.

    Since the beginning of human history, technology has advanced greatly. With inventions such as lightbulbs, cars, computers, and much more. With the advancement of technology and the growing, widespread use of it-people's lives have become more simplified. 

    With technology came increased spread of knowledge and communication. Increased communication allows people who are not located relatively close to one another to communicate rapidly and efficiently. With the inventions of telephones, computers, the rise of the worldwide web, communication with people on the side of the world has become commonplace. Increased communication with others has opened doors for the spread of knowledge. Scientists from different continents can collaborate, communicate different ideas and viewpoints. Political leaders can discuss issues at hand with other countries, an American child can send a text message to another child in Taiwan. Technology has allowed for the spread of knowledge through communication, simplifying human lives. 

    Increased technological advancements has resulted in increased medical care/assistance. With advancements in the scientific community, the rise of vaccines, antibiotics, X-rays, and thermometers has allowed for increased awareness about human health. People are able to be properly diagnosed and a person who has broken a bone can find out through X-rays. A medical practitioners can then accurately assess the situation, making decisions about the best way to proceed. Chemotherapy has allowed cancer patients a chance to recover through targeted radiation, that attacks cancer cells. Penicillin, a well-known antibiotic allowed for a chance to fight bacterial infections. Technology in the medical field has allowed for advancements, resulting in better and more accurate care.

    Technology while advancing at a greater rate every day, can have negative impacts on people. The spread of false information, misinformation has resulted in disputes and complications in people's everyday lives. For example, a satellite that was being sent into space was the result of American and Italian scientists' collaborating together. The scientists' had forgotten to check their calculations, with the American team using the imperial measurement system and the Italian team using the metric system. This resulted in the satellite exploding and millions of dollars going down the drain. Another example may be, a false Facebook post that communicates a political issue. This can result in outrage, and people trusting technology will often not investigate sources resulting in the further spread of false information. The increased spread of misinformation through technology can result in disputes, making people's lives more difficult and complicated. 

    The advancement of technology has allowed for the spread of communication, knowledge, increased advancements in the medical field, but without proper use can cause disputes through the spread of misinformation. With the advancement of technology and the growing, widespread use of it-people's lives have become more simplified.

 

Argument: SuperCorp recently moved its headquarters to Corporateville. The recent surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville proves that Corporateville is a superior place to live than Middlesburg, the home of SuperCorp's original headquarters. Moreover, Middlesburg is a predominately urban area and according to an employee survey, SuperCorp has determined that its workers prefer to live in an area that is not urban. Finally, Corporateville has lower taxes than Middlesburg, making it not only a safer place to work but also a cheaper one. Therefore, Supercorp clearly made the best decision.

  SuperCorp has moved its headquarters from Middlesburg to Corporateville, the arguments states that Corporateville is a superior area to live compared to Middlesburg. However, multiple assumptions are made without evidence to back up these claims. Such assumptions are the continued surge of homeowners, the survey of urban areas, and that Corporateville is a safer area. 

   Corporateville is stated to have a recent surge of homeowners in the area, however this runs along the logical fallacy that times change. While there is surge of homeowners currently, this will not last forever. With changes in taxes and the economy homeowners will sway towards areas depending on a variety of factors. A booming area will not always maintain an exponential increase, at some point there will be a plateau or sudden decrease in home ownership within Corporateville, Middlesburg may eventually become an area with increasing home ownership. 

   A survey was conducted among SuperCorp's workers stating that nonurban areas are preferred. However, the argument doesn't divulge further into the subject. How many workers took the survey, what income did these workers make, what position in the company did these workers hold, have these workers ever lived in an urban area before? While a survey was conducted and the results were stated, no methodology and example of the survey was provided. If the workers interviewed were all higher ups, or were at the bottom of the company depends on preferred area of choice. A survey cannot be trusted unless presented with the full disclosure regarding those chosen and interviewed. 

  When comparing the two areas, Corporateville is stated to be safer place to work in regards to Middlesburg. This statement is followed without any evidence indicating such and this statement was made merely on the cost of taxes within the two areas. There is an assumed cause and effect, Corporateville may have lower taxes but this does not indicate or relate to an area's safety. Crimes rates and presence of police must be discussed. The assumption of Corporateville being a safer place to work also may have been made due to it not being an urban area. However, it was not stated whether Middlesburg was an urban area and whether is was less safe. 

  Comparing Middlesburg and Corporateville to one another due to the recent move of headquarters, may result in negative implications. The assumptions that a continued home ownership boom, safety, and lower taxes may results in workers' assuming that these variables maintain constant. However without evidence and information to support this, workers may leave the company due to these assumptions.