Issue Writing -- GRE

[Sarik]

Hello, 

I have written an issue essay in 30 mins to one of the subject in ETS official website. However, I have no clue where I lie in terms of score. Can anybody please read my essay and score it. Also, if you have any suggestions for improvement, I will be more than happy to receive it. 

Here is my essay along with question:

 

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

 

The ability of humans to think for themselves relies more on their conscious thinking practice. Reliance on technology has both positive and some negative consequences; however, it certainly does not deteriorate the ability of humans to think for themselves. This 21st century is in itself a humongous proof that has shown technology as a friend of human’s thinking capability. Rise in entrepreneurship in today’s context is one consequence of reliance on technology. People like Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Late. Steve Jobs is praised for their extraordinary capacity to think ahead of time. These are also the people who have always encouraged people to make more use of technology.

Firstly, let’s consider Elon Musk. He has introduced electric AI enabled cars -- Tesla and also has launched a rocket. He is deemed as one of the most well-established entrepreneurs of our time. He is praised for his inexplicable creative and daring thinking capability. Now, if we have a look into his personal life, he is always found to be engaged in making use of technologies for pushing him towards his goal. He, till this date, has never asked people to boycott technology, but rather says to make use of what we have to a high degree for the best possible outcome. 

Secondly, we can also look into the life of Bill Gates who brought the revolution in the technological market introducing windows computers to the world. He is without a doubt one of the most influential people as well as a creative thinker of our time. His Ted talks on potential pandemic in the future and need for more human’s focus on this aspect is strong evidence of how far his vision goes. Now, if reliance on technologies would deteriorate the ability of humans to think for themselves, do you think he would have been capable of coming up with such great ideas and guess potential threat to mankind? Of course not. 

Lastly, let's dive into the life of ex Apple’s CEO Steve Jobs. Throughout his life he made many risky decisions. He was capable of predicting beforehand the consequences of actions one takes at present. He quit college and engaged himself in something productive to sharpen up his skills. Later, after facing lots of hurdles and overcoming them he introduced Apple products in the market, which has brought the technological revolution in people’s life. He was not only an entrepreneur and creative thinker but also a technical person. He made use of technology for the betterment of people.

Having said that, we can confidently argue that technologies have been proved in the past to be the greatest friend we people have. Some people may argue that it debilitates human thinking capacity by making them over-dependent on them; however, we cannot ignore completely the positive gifts technology has bestowed upon mankind. In my opinion, everything has its bright as well as dark side, and it totally depends upon us how to use things for pushing us towards our goal instead of blaming them for our downfall. These three people I mentioned earlier are proof that technology cannot be blamed for the decline in human capability. Hence, the statement presented above is weak and one must not rely upon that.

[thedeeplife]

Hi, 

 

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