I fainted in class (one month before graduation) and now I'm scheduled for the same meeting that people who fail out of school are

[SoFloHomo]

As the title says, I'm one month from graduating with my BSW. I have truly succeeded in my bachelor's program; I am graduating with honors (summa cum laude), I have made enough connections to last my career, I regularly work with the NASW... I have been published, and I have agreements to do more writing. I'm very humble, so the attention that I have received has been very odd, but I feel like I need to point it out to share this story.

I'm in my field internship this last semester. Once a month we have our seminar, which is supposed to be on-campus and zoom optional, and since it's the last one (and the last class of undergrad), I decided to go. Whoops... it was all online, so I just sat outside on a bench and took it from my laptop. According to my classmate, I was wide away, paying attention, my head started spinning, and I just collapsed into my laptop as they all watched my face hit the monitor over Zoom.

I passed out / fainted. I went to the doctor today, I need to go to a specialist. The school of social work told me that I can't go to my internship for a week.

But why was I asked to have a meeting with the director of the school of social work? A meeting that has the same name as the "we think you're going to fail and this is your last chance" meeting?

I have really bad luck with one thing - people see me and presume I'm stressed, or sad, or angry... and I'm not feeling any of those things. That person then asks my supervisor if I'm okay, since I look "stressed", "sad," "angry,".... and then my supervisor always says the truth, "no, he's fine."

And then I always get in trouble for it. That it's my responsibility and a internal customer service skill for the presumption to be that I'm always happy and cheery.

What ever happened to, "excuse me, why are you judging me? I didn't realize that my face was part of your job description."

 

Any thoughts about this conference? I'm super stressed out about it, and it didn't help that my school called to tell me that if they don't receive my field review my next month they won't consider me for the MSW program (my field instructor hasn't done my field review yet).

[kouklah]

Hi there! I just wanted to reach out to say I read your post and am sorry to hear you're going through this! Did you have the meeting? If you feel comfortable, feel free to share. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, and hopefully the school just wants to check in with you to see how you're doing. Fainting on camera might have caused some folks to worry about you. I wish you all the best with your health. I know from my own experience in my undergrad that my instructors and the rest of the faculty truly wanted success for me, and they went out of their way to check in to see if I needed extra support, etc. Sometimes I worried about those meetings, but in the end I recognized that they had my best interests at heart. I'm rooting for you!

[SoFloHomo]

I got the results about a week ago. They've determined that I do not have the core competencies of social work and am not fit to be left alone with clients. I'm still graduating, but I had to appeal their decision. I felt better knowing the process was over.

Then I got to work. I have to attend an appeals meeting next week and I want to kill myself. I dont even want to go to school there anymore.

[fafsaavoidant]

5 hours ago, SoFloHomo said:

I got the results about a week ago. They've determined that I do not have the core competencies of social work and am not fit to be left alone with clients. I'm still graduating, but I had to appeal their decision. I felt better knowing the process was over.

Then I got to work. I have to attend an appeals meeting next week and I want to kill myself. I dont even want to go to school there anymore.

I'm really sorry that all of this is happening to you. You're going through something incredibly stressful, and I hope you take the time to take care of yourself (and find a great emotional/mental health support system) before you do anything else. Seriously, because the language you're using is concerning.

I'm sure you have great things to contribute to this field! Maybe this is the time to take a strategic step back and figure out what avenues are still available to pursue. There will be one, even if you can't see it right now! Find "Team You" -- mentors, people who care about you, therapists, life coaches, etc, and get their feedback on how to proceed. 

[SoFloHomo]

Thank you for your reply. I am going to reply more extensively but I need to say quickly that I inappropriately and insensitively used a phrase that no one should ever joke about, and I did not mean in anyway. I was extremely stressed and don’t remember saying it. 
 

I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. And, like all others, I’ll figure this one out too. 

[kouklah]

On 4/22/2021 at 3:44 PM, SoFloHomo said:

Thank you for your reply. I am going to reply more extensively but I need to say quickly that I inappropriately and insensitively used a phrase that no one should ever joke about, and I did not mean in anyway. I was extremely stressed and don’t remember saying it. 
 

I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. And, like all others, I’ll figure this one out too. 

It takes courage to look at your past actions and see ways that you can improve, learn, and grow. I truly wish you the best in the future. Keep making strides to care for yourself and know that you are capable of great things.

[SoFloHomo]

Thank you for your post. I didn't really explain everything as it happened because I didn't want to come off as a victim, or have my information come out as so extreme that nobody believed me. If I sounded to excited, then I would have just sounded like a loon.

Here's where I am today. My feelings aren't hurt anymore, but what happened hurt me so dangerously badly, I have lost all respect for the top administration of the School of Social Work. They can re-word it however they want, but there was no way they were doing what they did without some intention behind it, even if it was just to make them feel better about themselves. What I do know is that the reporting was full of lies from the Professor of the class that I fainted during, and they took her word as pure fact. They did not consider my word anywhere close to hers. They did not take any of my medical condition under consideration, even though I was getting medical condition and still (to this day), still have another test to get completed on my brain. And the third thing I know, although during my last meeting with the Director of the School of Social Work that it would not be connected whatsoever, is that it effected my admission into the university's Advanced Placement MSW program.

A couple of notes for you to know:

A) My sobriety date is June 21, 2018. I was addicted to drugs and alcohol for 17 years, and on June 21, 2018, I had a treatment center pick me up and they took me to a detox center. I spent 8 days in detox and 30 days in treatment. I have never been tempted to relapse, and not even six months after sobriety, I was back in school to pursue a degree in social work. I do speak about it openly because as social workers, if my perspective can help anyone, I want them to be able to ask me. I don't believe I have anything superior to them, but I want to be available.

I had changed sections of the class so that I was part of an on-campus section. After the first class, the second was changed to zoom-only. I checked the announcements and my email, and there were no annoucements about the third class. Knowing that not many students would attend the in-person class, I didn't even bother to reserve a seat. I drove to campus, parked my car and walked to class. I went to the classroom during, it's locked and the classroom if empty. I log in on my phone so I'm not late, and when I'm told that it's Zoom only, I very easily say, "No problem, I'll sit outside and logon to my laptop." (this may seem like a not-need-to-no)

When the conference began on Zoom, they first opened it up to my Professor of the seminar. She started by talking about how strange I was acting. How strange it was that I showed up on campus for a zoom-only class when there was not going to be anyone there. I was acting so strange during class that my classmates kept sending her personal messages asking "Is Neal okay?" Also, supposedly a classmate works in substance abuse treatment, and said to her "well, apparently Neal isn't sober anymore." She ended her rant with, "Neal, were you on drugs." My only reply was, "I celebrate 3 years of sobriety from all drugs and alcohol on June 21, 2018. No, I was not on drugs."

• I would like to add that some of my classmates volunteered the events of that morning. The way it was explained to me was that I joined class, I was acting completely normal, but then my head starting twisting slowly like I was about to faint. They started to get worried because I was on campus by myself. Then, all of a sudden, I went down. I was not acting intoxicated in anyway. None of my other classmates thought I was intoxicated either. 

The rest of the meeting was a blur. It was basically my professor and another woman that I didn't even know telling me how I need to take better care of myself, and how my professor was surprised that she got a note asking for a letter of recommendation for the advanced placement program for grad school (I was the top student in the BSW program, I was published twice, and I was the elected member of the NASW executive board for the state of Florida as the BSW Student Representative, who had just won 2021 Social Work Student of the Year...why would she be surprised?).  They then agreed that if I go to grad school I should only go part-time. I was told I'd receive a conclusion from the committee in 10 days.

The conclusion blew me away. I have kept both documents and haven't fully decided what to do. There was no mention of any medical problems or testing. There was not even a SINGLE MENTION ABOUT ME FAINTING. It basically listed the "findings" of the committee, which started with my lying professors recollection of what happened that morning. She also included that I was having a lot of trouble at my internship because I was being treated so badly, that I felt I should call her and keep her up to date on what was happening because I feared that the task supervisor that was lying and yelling at me was misinforming the directors about my performance. Inthis report, she wrote "During the semester he has complained about his internship. Then he claimed about the agency not giving him enough work to do. His supervisor described him as being 'somewhat off and lacking social skills.'" I was off because I was terrified to go to my internship. I called her and asked her for help numerous times. What she said to me, "Eh, it's work. It's just work. Everything smooths out eventually." If anyone in a HR department had seen my situation, would have walked out without a job, and it wasn't me. I have 20 years of management work experience, most recently with FedEx. I gave her a challenge because of how she treated me when I finished a project that showed that she was wrong about something, so since she was wrong, it was a "teaching opportunity" that took me three weeks.

Again, the committee decided said that I failed to demonstrate the competence : Strive to work toward greater awareness of personal issues hat may impede your effectiveness with clients. 

My recommendation: He will be graduating in a couple of weeks, therefore the committee's overall recommendation is that Mr. Sinha continues to take care of himself.

My appeal ended up being nil. All I was appealing was the recommendation, two days before graduation. So, I didn't appeal.

 

I'm at a different university for my MSW, where I secured a GA position as research position. it was an opportunity I could not refuse, but I'm paying $30k instead of $10k.

Does anyone have any thoughts about what I should do, if anything?

 

Neal

 

[kouklah]

On 5/22/2021 at 2:50 AM, SoFloHomo said:

 

Does anyone have any thoughts about what I should do, if anything?

 

Neal

 

It sounds like you've been through a lot. It takes energy and effort to share this, so thanks for taking the time.

Although it may not be what you want to hear, it sounds like your instructors have your best interests at heart, even if you don't agree with the decision. I can see they mention recommendations for you to continue to take care of yourself. So, I would do just that! You are still on your educational journey (MSW is no joke!), so ensure you are taking the proper steps to safeguard your wellness. Confirm your hobbies and interests, and ensure you make time to do what makes you happy. There's a reason why the windshield is big and the rear-view is small... look forward, not back, and learn from your past experiences to become a better person.  

As an aside, I wanted to mention that you list your first and last name in your response. You may want to edit this to protect your privacy.

All the best!