Personal Statement Review Request

[gary20]

Hi there,

I'm currently completing my application to the University of California Los Angeles for the MS Computer Science program. I was wondering if anyone from UCLA graduate school (or anyone in graduate school really) would take a quick look over my personal statement. I've been following the prompts they gave but I'm not from the US and have never applied to a US university so it would be great to get a perspective from someone who is. Any tips would be appriciated, it doesn't have to be a detailed review, just a quick look over to see if I've missed anything. Thanks in advance!

Link to the statement: https://1drv.ms/w/s!AulkmH6RpTDrgrN5BqDMArHHIXw0uA?e=loZKlk