Declining an Offer

[bittergrrl]

I need to decline an offer of admission. Long story short, my husband and I are both applying to schools, he didn't get in, but I did, so obviously we can't go there. I'd like to open the door for others who might be on their waiting list.

The application was totally online - even the acceptance, so I can just decline that part from the Web site. I'm really looking for suggestions of what to say to the Department. They were so great and really nice through the whole application process, and I'd like to let them know "it's not you it's me - or more specifically my husband."

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

[AspirEEng]

Hi bittergrrl,

I think that the truth is the best choice in your case - you really did want to go there, and the only reason you cannot go is because as a married person, your relocation depends on your partner as well, and that did not work out for him.

[bittergrrl]

Yea that's definitely the right approach.

I just feel so bad. They were so nice, but really there's nothing I can do.

Thanks!

[Guest Guest99]

Oh God, I have the same problem, but don't have a husband as my perfect excuse. you see, when I was applying I had two first choices, I just couldn't make up my mind then. now I've been admitted to both and I don't know how to decline one of the offers (I wrote in both SoPs that they were my top choice). the only reason why I chose the other program is because its an Ivy league school, and the other is a top public school. but I can;t tell them that;s the reason. what shall I do?? Please, I really want to free my place for someone else, but don't how to put my decline into words

[bittergrrl]

I emailed the professor and she emailed me back to tell me how dissapointed she was.....I hate disappointing people....but there's really no way it could have worked.

Guest99 - Possible additional reasons you might be able to include:

Funding

Is there a difference in the funding offers?

Health Insurance - part of funding reason

Some schools offer full, some only partial coverage.

I know this seems like a lame one, but if you're only making $14,000 a year every penny counts.

TAship/RAship

Do you have to work as a TA/RA for both?

How many students will you be teaching as a TA?

Talk to current students to see how much of a load this really is.

Location

Which location have you found better? If you haven't visited, check with people on the boards to see which they prefer.

You don't necessarily have to list this as a reason, but it could help you decide.

This is what I can come up with right now.....I'll keep thinking on it.

[Guest Guest99]

thanks bittergrrl,

I'm sorry the prof was so dissapointed, but I so envy you that you're done with it.

Now, my situation is just a bit more complicated. the public school has not yet made an official offer, because they haven't received my TOEFL scores (I'm an international). my potential menthor emailed me some time ago saying that they'd like to offer me admission, but they need the official scores, so I ordered another copy from ETS cpl of weeks ago and went back to waiting. yesterday she wrote me again saying they still havent received the TOEFL scores and that Is hould do something about it. that means, I have no idea how much money they'll offer or in what form, but from the Ivy league school I got a 20K/year fellowship (so I don't have to work as a RA/TA) and a full health insurance coverage. location doesn't make a difference, they're both in the middle of nowhere

so, I could go through the whole 'finding my TOEFL scores and waiting for an official offer' process before I decline their offer, but since I made up my mind already, I thought it would be nice to spare both them and myself the trouble and free up my place for someone else as soon as possible. so basically, I have nothing I could use "against" them at this point and I still want to sound nice when I say 'don't bother, I won;t be accepting your offer anyway'.

what do I do?

thanks

[bittergrrl]

well, I think it's reasonable to tell them that you got an offer that you can't pass up. A $20K Fellowship is hard to beat - especially for a place in the middle of nowhere.

You could try to find out from them what the offer would be. I mean you know that the scores are on the way....you've already contacted ETS - what more can you do from your end?

Are you comfortable enough with this professor to tell her that right now you're trying to decide between the two, and ask her if there is any way she can "unofficially" give you an "approximate" number for what your funding "might" look like. I mean they understand that people are deciding between offers right now. They know the score.

If you're not comfortable asking about what the funding might be - you could ask if she might be willing to answer a few questions until the scores get there.....find out about the other comparision factors - like insurance teaching etc.....That way if you can't get an exact number - even if the TOEFL scores don't get there in a timely mannter (does ETS do ANYTHING in a timely manner) you have other reasons decline the offer.

Others might suggest just going for it and telling them you've got an offer that you know they can't beat, so you want to free up a space for them. That's perfectly reasonable and brutal honest. I have a terrible complex about dissapointing people, so I try to let them down easy even when there's not necissarily a point.

Hope that helps.

[Guest Guest99]

hey there bitergrrl,

I did it! I found the courrage to write that I've already made my decision to go to this other school. although she sounded a bit dissapointed and wrote something like how all of them at their program were very excited about my application and the prospect of me joining their department and that they think I would have been an excellent

addition to the department, but that she respects my decision and that she's happy I'm going to a such a good program. so all in all, it wasn't as bad as I expected.

thanks for your help and good luck with your studies

[redice]

Declining offers has got to be worse than the waiting part. I already commited to one school and for some reason I am holding off on declining the others. I guess I am afraid my first choice will fall through or something and then I will be left in the cold. I went to visit a couple of places and I knew almost immediately where I wanted to go. I can't figure out why I am holding off on declining. I know I should go on and let them know so they can offer my spot and funding to someone else. AGGGHHH, I hate this!!! Has anyone ever heard of a offer being withdrawn. I don't really think that is going to happen since they have met with me and still called a few days later to let me know that they thought I was right for the dept. I guess I am just being silly, afterall I am "Miss Worst Case Scenario" A few of the letters just have a box to check, but I am wondering if I should offer some type of explanation. Man, I hate to complain becuase I got accepted into more than one program, but its tough. Any advise?

[Guest guest]

well, i've heard of situations before when some depts withdrew offers, either b/c of accidentally sending the offers to the wrong applicants or b/c the sudden cut of budget/funding. but it's still very rare. if i've received an official offer letter and i' talked with the profs who were quite sure of getting me into their program, then i would decline other offers.