Reference letter horror story

[joan_was_quizzical]

Hi all,

A few years ago, I had the strangest experience with a referee. I wanted to post it here to see if anyone has had any similar experiences, or could offer a plausible explanation as to what happened.

I was applying to an MA program, and managed to secure two references. One of these references was from an exchange year that I'd spent at a foreign (English speaking) university, and so I never physically met with this referee. S/he agreed via email to write me the letters, and we had some subsequent email correspondance. Around Christmas time, s/he let me know that s/he had sent the letters to my home address, and that they should be arriving within a few weeks or so. I went ahead and paid all the fees for submitting my applications, and sent in all the documents.

The letters from that referee never arrived. I emailed her/him to let them know, and never heard back. Ever. I emailed many, many times. I called. I got in touch with the department administrators and told them what was happening. Nobody could get me in touch with this person. I even mailed a physical package to this referee with the necessary forms, politely pleading with them to either get back to me or resend the letters. They never got back to me, and since I wasn't about to buy a plane ticket to their country and show up in their office, all of my applications were withdrawn/rejected (no money back) after months and months of no reply.

Years have passed since this happened, and despite all the trouble this caused me, I'm now in PhD program. Has anyone had anything like this happen to them?? As far as I can tell, this professor is still alive and well, working in the same department, and has taken no time off. Were they just being downright malicious?? Or is there some more charitable explanation? I've always wondered...

Thoughts welcome!

[caezar86]

Hi all,

A few years ago, I had the strangest experience with a referee. I wanted to post it here to see if anyone has had any similar experiences, or could offer a plausible explanation as to what happened.

I was applying to an MA program, and managed to secure two references. One of these references was from an exchange year that I'd spent at a foreign (English speaking) university, and so I never physically met with this referee. S/he agreed via email to write me the letters, and we had some subsequent email correspondance. Around Christmas time, s/he let me know that s/he had sent the letters to my home address, and that they should be arriving within a few weeks or so. I went ahead and paid all the fees for submitting my applications, and sent in all the documents.

The letters from that referee never arrived. I emailed her/him to let them know, and never heard back. Ever. I emailed many, many times. I called. I got in touch with the department administrators and told them what was happening. Nobody could get me in touch with this person. I even mailed a physical package to this referee with the necessary forms, politely pleading with them to either get back to me or resend the letters. They never got back to me, and since I wasn't about to buy a plane ticket to their country and show up in their office, all of my applications were withdrawn/rejected (no money back) after months and months of no reply.

Years have passed since this happened, and despite all the trouble this caused me, I'm now in PhD program. Has anyone had anything like this happen to them?? As far as I can tell, this professor is still alive and well, working in the same department, and has taken no time off. Were they just being downright malicious?? Or is there some more charitable explanation? I've always wondered...

Thoughts welcome!

That is certainly a strange tale. Guess we won't ever know for sure unless you happen to run into this professor and extract an explanation out of her!

[JLM107]

I agree. If the referee is not dead, then this is strange. I hope I never run into this!

[mandarin.orange]

My college boyfriend and I were both applying for grad school our senior year. He had done some fancy-pants, highly prestigious internship the summer before, and gotten to know the program director a little bit during it, who was some big name in chemistry. He (BF) seemed to think a LOR from this guy would carry a lot of weight, so he asked, and the guy agreed. Long story short, his applications were all submitted, complete, his other LORs were in...he had programs calling him back, telling him he HAD to get that last LOR. BF emailed, called the guy personally (I can attest to him having a VERY persistent personality) and would be told "yes, I'll get to it" very friendly-like or with some cute joke, "sorry, just keepin' the alligators at bay! I'll get to it." The LOR never materialized. I think it finally brought Big Chemistry Guy off his pedestal for BF.

So, somewhat similar - someone promises something they don't deliver, but not as extreme as your story!

[Katzenmusik]

OP, here are a few possible scenarios--perhaps they are far-fetched, but it's all I can think of:

1) The professor sent the letters, but they were somehow lost in the international mails When you contacted her, she felt like she had already done her part and was too busy to re-send and go through all that hassle again, so she disappeared. (Question: did you provide money or materials for her to drop them in the mail for you? If not, perhaps this was a factor.)

2) The professor never wrote the letters out of sheer laziness or thoughtlessness. As the time drew near, she got embarrassed that they hadn't gone out yet, so she told you she had sent them, planning to use the "lost in the mail" thing as an excuse. Then she disappeared.

3) She mailed your letters, then went on leave and dropped out of university contact for a while. She wasn't aware that the letters were lost until it was far too late to do anything about them.

4) The "cultural differences" explanation, though you didn't mention what country she is from. Is it possible that she didn't know that for American PhD programs, these letters are crucial? Perhaps she didn't realize the importance and blew it off.

[BlueRose]

I had that happen to me last year - with not just one, but two letters. One was a longish plane flight away, the other was in my town, but even in-person stalking couldn't shake the letter loose. Needless to say, I didn't get in anywhere...did much better this year, once my apps actually got read!

Some people are just thoughtless, and/or are unable to do anything that doesn't have a strict deadline attached.