Belonging to an ethnic minority

[HyacinthMacaw]

Hello folks,

I do believe that racial harmony in academia consists of more than just prejudice reduction or mere tolerance. Such politeness without compassion fails to address the psychological victimization of ethnic minorities, a sort of internalized racism that metastasizes over time. Even in a world bereft of prejudice, the reality of racial difference and phenotypic variation--being the "other"--injects a pervasive sense that one does not belong. Not in government, not in business, medicine, or law. And certainly not in academia.

So this is a thread about the experience of ethnic minorities in this turbocharged and insular place. Non-minorities are of course welcome to join the conversation.

I write from experience. I grew up hating myself for the color of my skin, which is a shade darker than the color of dead leaves. There was a bliss to whiteness that I craved, and I exerted great effort to punish myself for my sordid heritage. I categorize myself as Indo-Trinidadian, the descendant of indentured servants that emigrated from India to Trinidad. I came to the United States from Trinidad as an infant. I have never felt that I belonged anywhere, and I suspect that my conviction that I am different, and that others see me as different, must have contributed to my racial self-aversion. Despite the pleasure and purpose that I derive from working in my field, I feel arrested by the notion that I'm infringing on turf where I am not welcome.

The delusion of isolation, I think, is the price of racial uniqueness, and it's a delusion that I still struggle to vanquish.

Even more, stereotypes about my ethnic group's performance in academic settings don't exist. I can't imagine how exhausting life must be for those of African, Hispanic, and Native American descent, that is, those who hail from groups stigmatized in this line of work.

And even if I were to find myself surrounded by Indo-Trinidadians in the lab, would uncertainty about my belonging subside? I'm not sure. I have grown accustomed to the injection of self-doubt wherever hope might lie.

As a result, I pressure myself to succeed, but achievement awards me neither belonging nor confidence.

There are occasions when I wish I would have professed my affection for certain women who seemed to possess the kindness to quell an anxious heart, who might have viewed my intimate company as something more than an act of contamination. And yet, I feared rejection because of the color of my skin. I am still terrified that the impurities of my race (not just my physical attributes, but my culture, my homeland) foretells only more unrequited love. I have therefore completely avoided initiating any non-platonic contact with women. It wouldn't surprise me if women never reciprocated my affection, anyway, for I know that I have little to offer. In romance, my racial otherness places me at a disadvantage, while White male suitors, still a numerical majority, exercise their privilege of never having to contend with psychological torment like this.

So who out there also lies among those wounded in the war on ourselves? How do you protect yourself, buoy your self-worth in a line of work that is rife with failure? When belonging to an ethnic minority, will the scars ever disappear? Namely, does the perceived lack of fit in high-status occupations dissipate, or will we always feel "out of place"? And how to navigate the treacherous waters of interracial romance?

To women, LGBTs, religious minorities, and working-class folks: What challenges have you faced in academia that are distinctly the burden of minorities? What opportunities?

Many thanks to all of you for reading and for contributing. I would like to think that this sort of discussion pushes this diverse world a little bit closer together.

[Herbie]

As a child, I cherished what I believed held more value - white skin. However, I've grown to love my dark brown skin along with the issues and genetic benefits of having darker pigment. I neither care nor take interest in "colorism" today as I find it's inherently separatist, and I'm all for unity. To be honest, hard times definitely tries my faith, but I remind myself that negative experiences are more powerful deterrents in my happiness, and I should move on.

I'm lucky to have attended a university that was diverse with the major "racial" (I don't like using this) groups in my city, which are also filled by many ethnicities. Though there's camaraderie between all groups, I see the brown people (including Asians) hang out with each other, whereas the non-Browns had one Brown speckled here or there. This doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I've grown to believe that people are people, and thankfully with this Depression, economical hardships allow more intermingling between the classes, and thus, ethnicities. This is framed specifically in my experience during college.

With this is mind, I have not had a unique .. issue/experience/disadvantage/advantage during my studies. Of course, people are more brazen in vocal statements during class discussions about certain discussed groups, when they are not represented much in the student body (this includes women discussing men, vice versa). In the social realm, at times I feel I have to work harder to convince someone I'm not the "general" brown person they envision, known for crime, etc. etc., but that's the uncontrollable sycophant in me seeking social acceptance.

Well wait, now that I think about it I have an issue. Many people (not of my ethnicity, and of my ethnicity) continually (facetiously? seriously? playfully?) try to de-validate my Browness because of my interests. You're not X because of the way you talk, your interests, blah blah. It used to grate my nerves, but I constantly remind myself that these people are vapid and ignorant, and I hope one day they don't say that to someone's face who will genuinely harm them in an attempt to prove their authenticity. As I'm writing this, it sounds kinda melodramatic. . . definitely not far-fetched! I've met people in my ethnicity and outside of it who believe that individuals are not obligated to fit within the strict perceptual constraints influenced heavily by mainstream TV culture, and have not had to deal with my aforementioned issue in a while.

I don't believe I completely answered your question, but this is what I was thinking about.

Edited March 27, 2011 by Tired

[eklavya]

my $0.02

growing up (in our country), we are never taught to identify people by their race, because we are a multiethnic and not multiracial nation. people living in the south are darker (more resemblance to indian people), people living in the north are fairer (more resemblance to tibetan people) and those like me who are from the midddle part, we are fair. but compared to a white skin, we all are brown. so, there is no distinction based on one's race. whenever we see tourists back home (who are predominantly white), we ask them where they're from, and then call them by their nationality. therefore, needless to say, i never went through any of the experiences relating to my race until i came to the US.

here in the US, it's different. i saw people of several races, several cultures and several mindsets. although i wasn't taught to shield off any act of racism back home, i knew/still know that i will be treated as a different race/minority here. however, thankfully, i haven't been treated differently because of my skin. i am sure there are people who don't like me because of my skin/ethnicity/culture, but those haven't crossed my path yet. i have dated women of all skins, and many nationalities, and they haven't cared at all what my skin color is. my cohort and professors do not treat me different either. if anything, because of my hardwork and the effort i put in, they highly value my work ethics and intelligence. so, in my opinion, it all depends on your surroundings. i have spent all these five years in a university, living in a university town, did internships with very bright group of scientists, and so on. as long as people around you/us are educated and think rationally, skin/race/culture becomes the least important element in relationship between you/us and them. so, i never had to protect myself from any racial treatments, as i haven't been through any. but inside, i always keep trying to as good as, and even better than, people around me. not because i was treated different, but with the fear of being treated different. for example, my spoken english was horrible when i came here. i practiced, roomed with native speakers and after a couple of years, picked up everything i could, and finally lost my native accent. i don't know if talking/clothing/living like the locals do has helped me, but it sure has boosted my confidence in terms of social interactions.

like Tired above, i too take pride on my skin, culture and language skills. no matter where i go, i am asked where i am from, and i am glad to tell them that i live next to the Himalayas. although there have been some incidents (mainly in the buses, grocer stores, etc) where people come to me and start talking in hindi, spanish (mistaken for a latin american) or some weird east-european language. but i don't take these too seriously. those people are naive (and some ignorant) as they think i am one of them. most of these incidents however produce laughter afterward once they know the reality - and provide me great opportunities to socialize further.

as long as you are among people who share the same level of knowledge and intelligence as you do, i don't think you should be self-injecting yourself with all the doubts. i don't know how it is in your field, but in almost all fields of science, people aren't deprecated based on their skin color. of course, there are stereotypical classifications (such as the famous 'asian people good in math' conviction), but i don't think they are invented and passed on to humiliate the minority. if the inferiority complex creeps in, try to think of your rich culture and heritage, and all that you have compared to others. in our culture, we have a saying that goes something along the line of 'if you raise doubts, and leave it unchecked, it will eat you up, regardless of what the reality is'. please don't let this happen to you.

lastly, if anyone offends you, please choose not to be offended. there's a huge difference between being offended and choosing not to be. live happy!

[latte thunder]

Hi Bhikhaari,

I see what you're saying, and as an adult i'ts not that hard to navigate the racial issues of the United States, but its a different animal when you grow up with them. I distinctly remember the feeling of "otherness" as a child.