Politics and advice for a female in a competitive and male dominated field

[phd_student5678]

I'm a second-year PhD student. I could use some advice on how to survive the politics of PhD programs. Does anyone have good tips for me?

I would consider myself a kind, considerate and hard-working human being. I'm well spoken and I have a dynamic personality. Due to this, I think people peg me as a threat immediately. This poses a problem because I feel that people will make it a point to try to outdo me when we work on group projects. There is usually a dominant person in the group that will do whatever he/she can to try to undercut my ideas or my input. I've also endured gossip and people teaming up against me. I'm not quite sure if other people experience this as well.

I should add that I am a sensitive person and do not take it well when the guys throw punches at me (not literally) during meetings and expect everything to be fine afterwards. My expectation is that all team members should be collaborative and we should share credit (not fight for credit in front of the professors), but I have yet to experience this to be the case. It seems people will do anything to come out on top.

Are these group dynamics normal in highly competitive PhD programs? Group projects have become a very large source of stress. Can anyone offer tips on how to survive group projects amicably and successfully?

As a female in computer science, I notice that there are a lot of old school mentalities. I feel we women are supposed to fight like men and smile like women. It gets excruciatingly lonely because the men in this program are so technical that they tend to lack social skills. Also, I've seen the boys bond together and guys bonding with me only for fun or for socialization, but not so much for real work.

I do admit that I am a bit of a softie, but my work is good. Can anyone help me to navigate the waters? Advice is surely welcomed.

Edited September 15, 2011 by phd_student5678

[ktel]

I'm a mechanical engineer, and was one of only 10 women in my graduating class. There are still probably only 10 women in my department now (aerospace engineering). I've been able to maintain very good friendships and working relationships with the men in my classes, either because I outperform them or I make it clear that I don't take any crap. I don't think I often got angry with them, but if I did they knew it was serious, as I was usually quite happy and willing to help. If I was in your situation I would (if possible) try to fill the dominant role in the group. This means you get a large say in how the project is handled and can minimize some of the negative experiences you were described.

[phd_student5678]

I'm a mechanical engineer, and was one of only 10 women in my graduating class. There are still probably only 10 women in my department now (aerospace engineering). I've been able to maintain very good friendships and working relationships with the men in my classes, either because I outperform them or I make it clear that I don't take any crap. I don't think I often got angry with them, but if I did they knew it was serious, as I was usually quite happy and willing to help. If I was in your situation I would (if possible) try to fill the dominant role in the group. This means you get a large say in how the project is handled and can minimize some of the negative experiences you were described.

Did you ever experience what I did? And if so, was this the solution?

[ktel]

I think I have experienced some of the things you listed in smaller doses. I don't remember particular instances, and I think that's because I always deal with the situation up front and it's done. If someone is belittling my ideas, I call them out on it. If someone is gossiping I do the same (although I find it very strange you're dealing with gossip in a male-dominated environment). Basically, if I feel wronged, I point it out, usually calmly, sometimes not (depending on the situation). I feel I have garnered a lot of respect from my male friends and colleagues as a result of this and they tend to try to not have the situation occur again.

[ktel]

And I will note that I tend to be better at confronting men than women. I have no problem calling my male friends out on their inappropriate behavior, but I more often than not let my female friend's bad behavior slide. I'm not sure exactly why this is, but I think it's because the female friend is more likely to just be pissed off and hold a grudge.

[phd_student5678]

I think I have experienced some of the things you listed in smaller doses. I don't remember particular instances, and I think that's because I always deal with the situation up front and it's done. If someone is belittling my ideas, I call them out on it. If someone is gossiping I do the same (although I find it very strange you're dealing with gossip in a male-dominated environment). Basically, if I feel wronged, I point it out, usually calmly, sometimes not (depending on the situation). I feel I have garnered a lot of respect from my male friends and colleagues as a result of this and they tend to try to not have the situation occur again.

Most gossip involved women in the group, but men gossip, too.

Thanks for your comments - they are very helpful and much appreciated.

Edited September 15, 2011 by phd_student5678

[BlueRose]

I'm in a male-dominated program too.

Part of it is that men and women are socialized to interact differently, and the professional mode is still the male mode. Women will collaborate with friends and compete with enemies; men will compete with anybody. It's not that they don't take their pissing contests seriously - it's how they establish status, which is important - but they don't take it personally.

Maybe I've been in sausage-land too long, but I don't particularly mind. If somebody wants to have a pissing contest with me, I smile and piss right back. We're still friends, and once that's out of our systems we can get down to business.

Of course, not everyone wants to be friends. Some people are terminally insecure, or are jerks, or are incapable of taking a woman seriously. In those cases, I've found that cultivating an aura of don't-mess-with-me will at least get them to leave you alone. (You don't have to bite often to get a reputation, either…you can afford to be selective with your smackdowns.)

I found that the "Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" books were helpful for this sort of thing. I have the workplace one, which is showing its age, but still useful for laying out the issues and strategies in a nice logical manner.

I've also encountered what I've heard referred to as "puppy scientist syndrome" - senior people who are helpful when you're young and clueless, because then you're still a subordinate female, but freak out the first time you respond with "actually that's wrong, here's why". I'm still not quite sure what to do about that one; in particular, I don't want to find out my advisor is one of those halfway through my PhD. Maybe I should pick a nerd-fight with my rotation advisors and see what happens...

[phd_student5678]

I've also encountered what I've heard referred to as "puppy scientist syndrome" - senior people who are helpful when you're young and clueless, because then you're still a subordinate female, but freak out the first time you respond with "actually that's wrong, here's why". I'm still not quite sure what to do about that one; in particular, I don't want to find out my advisor is one of those halfway through my PhD. Maybe I should pick a nerd-fight with my rotation advisors and see what happens...

I've encountered this latter type before too. These people are particularly bad because they resent you for becoming competent and see you, in a sense, as an object, not as a scientist. There's sometimes even an ownership mentality. I've learned the hard way that, from the get-go you must never look like a "puppy scientist". Don't act in awe of anything, but still be mildly appreciative. If you never quite let them seal the deal emotionally or egotistically, they won't feel entitled to act this way. It's the ego part that will kill you.

Thanks for the tips and for sharing your stories. They really help me to sort out my own thoughts.

Edited September 16, 2011 by phd_student5678