Tactfully turning down an invite to visit?

[Hopelessly_Neurotic]

Hi all,

I am in a few awkward situations right now and could use some advice. I've been admitted to one of my top schools (school X) and will be visiting at the end of Feb. I'm quite sure I will attend X if I don't gain admittance to my other top choice (school Y). I've also been invited to visit school Z, which in my mind is a distant third to X and Y for a number of reasons. As a result, I don't want to shell out $300+ dollars (the difference in the cost of the plane ticket that I would have to pay) to visit this school, but on the other hand I don't want to turn them off, just in case. I know some people might think that I should play it safe and just attend the visit weekend, but I'm not the type to invest much energy in worst case scenarios. I am pretty confident that I will attend school X (if I don't get into Y -- I'm pretty certain that I won't).

Any suggestions for how I might word an email to the POI at this school? I just want to tell her that I can't visit but that I'm still interested. Should I give details/make excuses for not visiting? Is "I can't afford it" a reasonable excuse or does that sound bad?

Another awkward situation I am dealing with: I have a phone meeting arranged with another POI at a school I've been admitted to that is much lower on my list than the three mentioned above. I debated about whether to go ahead with it, but figured I should not waste too much time trying to make decisions now. Well, I revisited this school's website and carefully read the details about their funding and realized that they rarely offer funding to incoming students!! Apparently I've been nominated for a fellowship, but I checked and I don't even meet their requirements so I have doubts that I'll get it. I'm just so not interested in this school, but I do have much respect for the POI and I want to do right by him. What should I do? Should I go ahead with the phone interview, or should I just email the POI and say that I'm not interested? If I go with the latter, I'm worried about how to word things tactfully. I just want to reduce my stress and I don't like the idea of going through with an interview when I know that it's very unlikely that I would attend that institution. I also want to be candid with the POI and not have to pretend I'm interested in the school when I'm not. Ugghhh... maybe I'm just being a wimp. I feel it might be premature to say "no" when I haven't learned the conditions of the offer...

Thanks so much for your insights/suggestions... MUCH appreciated!

[IvyHope]

If there are schools that you already know you're not interested in attending, the polite thing to do is inform them as soon as possible. Just as prospective graduate students (myself included) get frustrated when our schools hold out, faculty get frustrated when students hold out. They have several other people they'd like to recruit to your position if you don't want it, and waiting just means that they are less likely to recruit their next choice students, who may be taking offers elsewhere.

Additionally, there are probably 5 people who would love for someone like you to release your less-desired slots so they can be considered.

If you already know X or Y is your first choice, and you've been accepted at X, I would go ahead and pass that info to the remaining schools asap.

[Hopelessly_Neurotic]

Thanks, Ivy Hope. I agree with you and my goal is to do the right thing. The only catch is that I haven't received my official offer of admission in the mail yet from school X. Thus I'm not in a position to turn down Z outright. Furthermore, there is the off chance that I could visit school X and something could change my mind. It's very unlikely, but I don't want to take too many risks. That said, I'm willing to risk not attending the open house for Z.

That said, I think I will go ahead and let the other school I mentioned (the one for which I have the phone call scheduled) know about my plans. I'm just not sure about the wording...

[IvyHope]

You just thank them for the opportunity but explain that another opportunity has opened up for you, that you feel is a better fit for ABC reasons. They won't be angry. If anything, they'll be glad they don't have to take 30-60 min of their day to talk to a student who may or may not end up coming to their school. ;-)

[Hopelessly_Neurotic]

Good point!! He might be a little disappointed, but happy to know.