NEED ADVICE/HELP in regards to applying to grad schools

[technological]

Hi all,

I know this post may be a bit cliché, but I could really use some advice and direction as far as applying to grad school. I already have seen a grad school advisor, have done some research as far as programs and know the basics (getting good letters of recommendations, doing well on the GRE, applying to programs with my research interests, having a good GPA and contacting faculty). I feel like I really should be engaged more yet I feel like it’s almost pointless to try given my situation.

First off, I should probably write some sort of introduction and a bit about my background. I am a senior undergrad who will be graduating this year (or this semester rather) who is a readmit. I took a medical leave of absence from my university halfway through my sophmore year b/c I was extremely depressed, was engaged in self-destructive behavior (drug/alcohol abuse) and being extremely antisocial (still am to some degree). During my leave of absence I took some classes at community colleges around my hometown and tried to start again at another university but failed out b/c I wasn’t really dealing with my problems. Finally, after going to rehab and being clean for half a year, I decided to return to my university, 3 years after I had originally left. No one that I knew was still there and I felt so alone so eventually turned back to my old ways, though not as intense as before and wasn’t isolating as much. Needless to say, I didn’t do so well after returning b/c of this, even worse than I had done when I had originally left halfway through sophomore year. I did finally stop using again after my 1st year back and I also started on some meds to help with control my major depression and anxiety. However, my anxiety and depression never fully came under receded and I have not managed to make any meaningful relationships while at college, nor really get engaged in my field till recently. As of last summer, I finally did manage to get a research assistantship in an area related to my major, cognitive science, and have managed to get an A during a summer course.

So, b/c of my anxiety, major depression, possible bipolar disorder and drug addiction I ended up doing really poorly in many of my classes at my school. And I have a pretty low GPA…a 2.5 at this point (although this semester I’m doing a LOT better) and didn’t do so well on my GREs (in the 56th percentile for Quantitative Reasoning, the 62nd percentile for Verbal Reasoning and the 72nd percentile for Analytical Writing). At least I do have a “job” (in quotes b/c it doesn’t pay) as an RA at a psychophysical lab and attend a top research university (not Ivy Leagure but up there in the rankings), so I figure that counts for something.

I really do want to go to grad school and get a PhD. That has been my dream since high school. Unfortunately, I feel like all that I could have done to get closer to that dream, so I am stuck in a conundrum that is causing my considerable agony. So, knowing all this can anyone give some advice as to how I go about applying to schools? How do I go about getting letters of recommendations from professors that hardly know me in classes I haven’t done as well in as I could or should have? How should I go about contacting faculty at departments at other schools? Should I switch research interests just because I think I’ll have a better chance of getting into a school that isn’t as hard to get into but isn’t doing the kind of research I want to be doing? What should I write about in a letter about extenuating circumstances? Should I apply to a MA program instead of a PhD program? Sorry about the dreadfully long 1st post.

Thanks

[emmm]

Maybe you need to spend more time on improving your undergrad gpa before thinking about grad school. That can generally be done at less cost than getting a master's if you are able to take at least some classes at a CC - maybe retake some classes you did poorly in.

[surefire]

I'm not sure if I can answer all of those questions, but I'll have a go at some of them.

1) LORs - Trawl the LOR section of this forum; there are people looking for advice on whom to approach that are in a litany of special/unique/frustrating circumstances, you can probably find something that parallels your experience. What I would suggest is that you hit up whoever is presiding over your RA-ship AND, if possible, a prof that is familiar with your academic experience/trajectory. To the latter of these, if you can, take a class with a prof who taught you a year or two ago; get them acquainted with your history, future plans and self-learning and try and get a letter from them that speaks to where you have been, how you have recommitted and the great strides that you've made.

2) Faculty/departments at other schools: Do some more research on possible programs. Some schools, in their graduate handbook and/or admissions website, will boast about having a "holistic" approach to admissions, meaning that they give great consideration to each part of your application and will be open to students that have taken non-traditional, character/life experience-building paths through academia (as opposed to cookie-cutter students with near perfect GPAs/GREs who have sailed through their undergrad with no challenges). If a student appears to have no experience navigating challenges, how will they be expected to react to the new pressures of graduate school? It's almost like that credit rating conundrum, where it is worse to have no credit then bad credit, because overseerers can't predict how you'll handle the challenges and obligations that come with fiscal dealings (see later point on extenuating circumstances). Also, in looking up potential supervisors for your research, have a good look at the biographies provided; you'll likely find profs who have also taken alternative routes through academia that will appreciate the value of the challenges you've faced. Prof that have had an uniterrupted couple of decades in higher education won't be as likely to understand why you couldn't "just get it together".

3) DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT switch interests just to try to get into an easier program. This is not a good mindset. If you don't have interest in the subject, this will likely be detectable to admissions, who would rather give the spot to someone with a passion for the work. Even if you do get in, expectations of performance at the graduate school level are high and all of your peers will be wicked smart and intimidating; difficulties associated with this will be compounded if your interest is lacking - the liklihood of failing/quitting is much higher. When you are feeling completely exhausted/stupid/overwhelmed by grad school, passion for the topic is sometimes the only thing to get you through a rough patch; you will be at a serious disadvantage if you don't have this to fall back on. EVEN if you do get in and EVEN if you are able to tough it out, you're looking at 4-7 years at grad school, that's a LONG TIME to study something you're not into. You will be unhappy.

This does not mean, however, that I wouldn't recommend being OPEN to other fields (have you considered biomedical ethics?). Sometimes an interdisciplinary program allows you to amalgamate your interests into one passionate platform. What I'm saying is, do NOT switch topics to something "easier" just to "get in". Grad school is not a "just get in and then figure it out as I go" endeavour in the way that an undergrad is. Sometimes you feel like you're an imposter or master improvisor to get through some days, but you NEED a grounded interest/passion to THRIVE and FINISH.

4) Letter re: extenuating circumstances: You will have to consider this on a school-by-school basis. Some apps have seperate components that give you space to plead your case, some will make you fit it in the personal statement. Figure out how the schools accept such elaborations and confine yourself to that space; DO NOT take it upon yourself to go outside of these boundaries and send them a long detailed e-mail. In all honesty, this looks pedantic and gives the impression that you think you are special enough to monopolize the admission space outside of formal channels.

As to the content of whatever space you have to discuss your experience: in grad applications, as in life, importance is 10% what happened to you and 90% how you react/deal with/utilize the events. Admissions committee members are people to, they understand that life happens, but there is nothing compelling about a list of tragic events bolstered as excuses. You need to explain to them how you are a stronger academic for the experience and detail the tools that developed to ensure that, if presented with similar challenges in the future, you WILL successfully navigate. You have an upward trend, which is helpful. I'm not saying that it's about how you "spin" it, it's honestly about knowing yourself and having developed strategies for success. The adcomms need to know that you will FIT, CONTRIBUTE, THRIVE and FINISH: so frame your experience to answer to these stipulations.

NOTE: This will ONLY work if you HAVE IN FACT learned something about yourself, your capacity and your potential through these trials.

5) I can't think of a good reason why you would try to go straight to the PhD. I would recommend an MA first, just based on your info above. An MA will give you the opportunity to perform at a grad school level, negotiate your passions and make the academic connections that you have not been able to cultivate at the undergrad level. Maybe even some more undergrad stuff first, as emmm suggested. An undergraduate honours thesis, advanced theory/methods courses or a reading course are all good options for showing your committment and potential for heavy research (but they are not "easy As"). This route would definitely allow you to take my advice from 2) re: establishing a relationship with a prof. that is aware of your journey and progress (all they need to remember and substantiate from an earlier course is that your performance was not great, then they can speak to your challenges, vast improvement and where you're at now).

Keep at your graduate advisor and stress that you want HONEST feedback on your options. Good luck!