My sociology professor is interested in me...

[chrisscoff]

Hi all.. so I am posting this because I need some advice. I think my sociology professor is interested in me; well he winks and raises his eye brows at me and stairs at me a lot.

I don't want to over react but the winks make me feel uncomfortable.

[gellert]

The very basic definition of sexual harassment comes down to whether or not it makes the individual uncomfortable. Do you feel safe bringing it up with him and mentioning how it makes you feel? Could be that he's just being friendly and doesn't realize it's unsettling for you, and if he did he'd stop immediately.

But you should ALWAYS trust your instincts about this. If it's making you that uncomfortable, don't mark it off as "nothing" even if a thousand people come in here and comment and say you're making too big of a deal of it. The fact of the matter is that it is upsetting you and it's due to someone's behavior (I am assuming, perhaps erroneously, that you are female, now) and the existence of a sex and power divide further complicates matters.

On that same note, if you DON'T feel safe talking to him directly, then don't -- again, trust your instinct. I've found in my experience that I can tell the difference between friendly-wink and creepy-wink (and so can most women, generally). If you've got that nasty feeling in your gut about this, don't ignore it.

Edited December 10, 2011 by gellert

[chrisscoff]

I think it's a creepy wink but I'm not sure which is why I don't want to talk to him about it.. I don't feel comfortable discussing it with him at all. From what I have seen, he doesn't wink at anyone else and he is married.

He's very laid back.

[gellert]

If you don't feel comfortable discussing it with him, it might behoove you to go to your school's counseling center and ask someone there who's trained in matters like this for advice. (Or, most schools have offices specifically set up for this kind of thing, like a women's rights center. Even the LGBTQ center at your school might be able to help.) One of those people can tell you either a good way to bring it up with him if you decide that might be helpful, or how you should handle things with him in the future if you want to just ignore it, or paths to pursue if you want to file some sort of complaint.

[ktel]

I know my university specifically has a person that deals with stuff like that, and you can go talk to them anonymously if you want. Find that person.

[especially]

Echoing the others: universities usually have someone you can talk to / appeal to in these situations. I understand that it can be terrifying to just tell him off, since he is in charge of grading you, so going to a third party outside of Sociology would be best. Please do seek advice/counsel, this is not a fair situation for you to be in.

[chrisscoff]

I'm defiantly going to talk to someone and get back to you guys.

[gellert]

Good plan. And good luck!