Checking my sense of reality

[GradHooting]

Hey, guys,

I want to first say that I have been deliberately avoiding the stress of looking at the results page for quite some time, basically, all year this time around. This is my second year of grad school applications, and I have to say that I'm feeling pretty discouraged. I have to wonder whether I am detached from reality, or whether my path is still good, and for me to remain tenacious and keep pushing forward. Basically, I have the looming fear that's basically "You're being silly for aiming so high. You should lower the difficulty of your goals and just get into some school already."

Basically, I applied to the top tier schools for aerospace engineering. It's truly what I want to end up doing in the industry, especially with the upcoming rapid surge of the private space industry, and governmental budget cuts. I got my first unofficial rejection yesterday, based on a student from the department who consulted with admissions, and me confirming the pattern on the results page here. It's the second year that I've been rejected from the school, and, well, since that wasn't necessarily the hardest school to get into, there exists a distinct possibility that there will be more rejections rolling in, just like last year.

Two years ago, I suppose I could be considered a weak applicant. I basically had an undergraduate AE degree in the 3.5/3.6 GPA range from Embry-Riddle.

However, I have not been wasting my time, at least, I hope not. Over the past two years, I've landed a Northrop Grumman internship for a missile defense contract, have been doing research at a university in Colorado in the area of physics (even being accepted into the physics Ph.D. program here, however, it's not what I want to do), and I am applying for some NASA and other private aerospace internships this upcoming summer. I started my own little company on the side doing computer repairs, learned a little bit about the difficulties of that. General GRE score was fine, 800/630/5.5. I'm tutoring mathematics, physics, and engineering online and offline at the univ here, and keeping a 4.0 GPA here through various math, physics, and engineering classes at this university, to keep my skills up.

However, I am truly not happy doing what I am doing here. I'm trying hard to keep my motivation up and I truly am putting forth my best effort at this place, and I am impressing my research adviser, as well as the advisers for my tutoring, and my mentor from Northrop Grumman (who split off and is now earning government grants for his own company) is really rooting for me and keeping my motivation up.

I guess I need a reality check. Am I lost, here? Am I languishing, being lazy at pursuing my goals? Are my expectations unrealistic? Should I shift or modify my goals? Should I remain steadfast? There are people on these boards that have substantial experience in the graduate admissions process, many of whom have been going through or have gone going through similar experiences. I'm also seeing lots of people here who have similar respectable and difficult goals.

What do you guys think?

Edited February 16, 2012 by GradHooting

[sansao]

Well, you have a PhD program to which you're already admitted. So you're not necessarily being unrealistic. Clearly someone believes you have the capacity to do doctoral level research work.

[GradHooting]

It's really master's programs that I am applying to. Getting a Ph.D. for me depends on how involved in the research I get, and whether my prospects at the end of my master's degree is to get a job, or to continue with research. Right now, I see myself as a researcher and have intents on pursuing a Ph.D., but I feel that my current stance isn't anywhere close to being competitive in the top Ph.D. programs. I'm fine with that, for now.

[ksalt]

I don't know anything about how aerospace programs work, but I was always told that the name of the school from which you earn a graduate degree isn't as important as the quality and type of work you do as a graduate student. With that being said, maybe you should just go for a lesser known school and try to continue working hard (as it sounds like you already are).

[sansao]

You could consider finishing your Physics PhD and then applying for a masters in AE. I can see how an adcom might think that since you're already in a PhD program and looking to transfer into a masters, that maybe you're choking on the PhD reqs. In the meantime, see what happens with your current apps. You'll have more of a gauge on how realistic you're being after you see the outcome.

[GradHooting]

I am in the Ph.D. program here because a professor highly recommended that I pursue it here, after I had been doing research. However, I am just miserable. I do not enjoy living here. Things are just generally slow and content in this city. The school feels the same way. The research is somewhat interesting; however, I'd be enjoying research in the aerospace field far more. I am doing this research because that's what was available here, and it is definitely the most interesting research I've found in this city, and I wanted to understand the process of research, doing publications, getting grants.

The atmosphere, however, is just stifling. People here do look up to me and I do my best to remain a positive role model, especially when teaching struggling students and working with other researchers in the lab group. Deep down, however, I am not happy here. I was much happier elsewhere, when I was at ERAU, pursuing my undergrad degree. Even in that small town, people were doing things, and I had a great group of international friends to keep my spirits high. I just have an intense urge to get out of here. So, I don't think completing a Ph.D. and spending many more years here would be good for my sanity.

[pikachu]

Hey!

Sorry, maybe I should not post here, since I am not successful applicant and don't know specifics of your field. But psychologically I understand you very well.

For myself I decided that yes, life is about making decisions in permanent uncertainty. Just once you should "believe" (don't like this word) and commit.

And yes, you don't waste your time. You do your best? Yes. You follow your dream? Yes. So what waste of time you are talking about?

Hey, you know that you want to do research! If you are interested in research going in top-tier universities, you should apply there. Failed? Find a way to improve and do again. Hey, and you didn't get rejections this year. And you improved your profile comparing to the previous year.

I hope you will get in!

And... if this place you live now makes you depressive... maybe finish everything and just move to bigger opportunities, new life

If I don't get in school this year (and probably i won't), as plan B I move. Cannot live here anymore. Makes me crazy, depressive.

Sorry, for being not very rational and reasonable. Just wish best of luck to you!

[GradHooting]

Hey!

Sorry, maybe I should not post here, since I am not successful applicant and don't know specifics of your field. But psychologically I understand you very well.

For myself I decided that yes, life is about making decisions in permanent uncertainty. Just once you should "believe" (don't like this word) and commit.

And yes, you don't waste your time. You do your best? Yes. You follow your dream? Yes. So what waste of time you are talking about?

Hey, you know that you want to do research! If you are interested in research going in top-tier universities, you should apply there. Failed? Find a way to improve and do again. Hey, and you didn't get rejections this year. And you improved your profile comparing to the previous year.

I hope you will get in!

And... if this place you live now makes you depressive... maybe finish everything and just move to bigger opportunities, new life

If I don't get in school this year (and probably i won't), as plan B I move. Cannot live here anymore. Makes me crazy, depressive.

Sorry, for being not very rational and reasonable. Just wish best of luck to you!

Thanks for the uplifting post! I've been scrambling for different plans, hoping that I get into at least one of the other three schools. Honestly, while my #1 school was based on a combination of professor personalities, friends I had there, and the surrounding environment and friends and family in the area, basing it purely on research alone, there is one other school that has far more exciting research (and, theoretically, has a higher acceptance rate, and is half the cost) and ranks just as highly. I'll be sticking to my guns and continuing the struggle. I also hope that being an older applicant, a longer time since undergrad, doesn't harm my chances at getting in during a third round. I'm still taking classes and staying involved in academia, because I don't want a learning gap to taint my qualifications.

[GradHooting]

Well, the letter finally came in today, so, from one of the schools, at least, it's an now official first rejection. I experienced this kind of terrible rejection last year, but it's so much worse this year, because I haven't a clue just how far below the cut I am. All I've been doing for the past two years is building credentials and working towards moving forward. I just feel like I'm languishing here.