Evaluation of a personal statement draft for Master of Engineering

[vtolenti89]

Hello everyone,

I am applying for a Master of Engineering and I would appreciate if you could give me some tips and review my first draft. As I am going to apply for more than one university / course, I left some gaps to be filled out with the respective information.

Dear [sir/ Madam],

After a long tough journey but pleasant one of five years, I managed to graduate BSc in Mechatronics Engineering with emphasis in Automation and Control in December 2011. Even being a course where different subjects were taught such as Mechanics, Electronics and Programming, I always felt more interested in the last two ones. My passion for this area has been strongly stimulated over my professional career and academic life by my working experiences and professors respectively. I have always believed that knowledge is never enough and thus I am willing to keep up with my studies by applying for a Master at [university]. I am particularly interested in the [course] offered at [university] in which the subjects [subject] and [subject] grabbed my attention.

I have always been fascinated about learning and finding out how things actually work. I believe that studying Engineering for five years was an excellent introduction into this fascinating area and in fact it provided me with a general grasp of many subjects, from Mechanical Design, Digital Electronics / Data Transfer to Robotics and Control Systems. However, I am sure I still have so much to learn, especially in the area of [area]. Hence, I am willing and highly motivated to extend my studies to a next level where I will certainly devote all my efforts to learn as much as possible and put everything into practice not unlike I have been doing so far.

Doing research about one year ago in search for universities which could offer courses in my field of expertise, I came across [university’s name]. What firstly caught my attention was an incredibly full support to students. Looking more carefully over the Engineering courses, I was amazed at how incredible and updated your facilities are. Among the wide range of courses available the ones I considered to be the most interesting and related to my field of expertise are [course 1] and [course 2]. Looking into the subjects taught in both courses, I felt particularly more interested in the former given that this course will enrich even more my knowledge and skills in [electronics and communication]. I have already learnt some subjects on this matter and I had the chance of putting some of this knowledge into practice in my working life. The subjects included in the [course] such as [subject 1] and [subject 2] will definitely make the difference not only in my understanding of [communication] but it will have a significant impact on my professional life in my country which I intend to come back to.

By the end of high school I started making my mind about what would be my next step. I was sure that I would really like to attend a more technical course as I have always liked Maths and Physics. Furthermore, my father, who always worked in the auto manufacturer industry, used to show and explain to me how all those robotized assembly lines worked during my visits it. It was astonishing to see every single and coordinated movement performing different tasks and thus what was until now no more than piles of parts, became a state-of-the-art vehicle. At this time I sat for three examinations (SENAI, ETE and FATEC) while I was looking forward to hearing from Bandeirantes University of São Paulo about a previous application I had sent them. Even though I managed to get approved by all institutions, I decided to go for the last one as I was awarded a full-scholarship in Mechatronics Engineering.

Fortunately, I managed to start my university life at the same time as my professional life working hard as an Electrician. Even being my first job and the first year at university, this period of working eight hours daily and attending night classes played an important role not only in my qualification and future but in my maturity and independence. Afterwards, I started seeking for more challenging positions. By the age of twenty-two I had already worked for Autodesk and FORD Motor Company, two well-known companies in the area of Engineering Software and Auto Manufacture respectively. Working as a Technical Support Specialist and Project Analyst for the aforementioned, I was supposed to deal with problems from a variety of fields such as, leading courses on and off-site, cost reductions, leading working team and meetings, process improvement and machinery acquisition. I had to cope with this daily challenge for five years, however, I am sure that this period of my life brought far more advantages to me as a person and professional than anything else.

I would like to reinforce my strong interest in the [course]. Given an opportunity to be welcomed to the threshold of your prestigious institution, I shall prove myself worthy of your confidence and trust in my abilities.

I am looking forward to hearing as many suggestions as possible.

Cheers!

Victor