Plz review my SOP, MS in mech engineering

[Adip]

Hello people,

Please review and evaluate my SOP. I would be thankful to you if you provide any comments or suggestions.

Since sophomore year, I have interested in study of thermal science. During the same year, I learned Thermodynamics. While learning temperature distribution of multi-material solids, I asked my supervisor a car is intricate multi-material body then how scientists find temperature distribution of a car during running condition. He answered scientists use computational methods for complex bodies and perform analysis using computer programs. I delved into computational methods especially computational fluid dynamics, which deals with real-world problems. After learning courses such as Advanced Thermodynamics, and Finite Volume Method, I was fascinated for study of thermal sciences and computational fluid dynamics.

I wish to pursue my master's degree in mechanical engineering with thermal science as specialization at university of XYZ.

During my bachelor's program at Stony Brook University (SBU), I learned a variety of courses in various areas such as mechanics, thermodynamics, manufacturing, computer languages, etc. Along with these courses, undergraduate program included two industrial internships.

Before the internship in the fifth semester, I consulted professors and industrial experts and I explained to them my future aspirations. They advised me to have experience on the shop floor at the starting of career because this experience gives a vital knowledge. ABC Ltd. offered me the projects in my areas of interest on the shop floor so I joined the company. One of the projects involved concepts such as calibration of thermal performance of IC engines to which I was not exposed until fifth semester. However, I took the challenge to study the concepts on my own and finally accomplished the project. I attained 'Very Good' performance rating from the company. During this internship, besides valuable practical knowledge, I got the hands-on experience of overall design and analysis process: analyzing the physical problem, converting that problem into mathematical model, and stress and deflection analysis.

For the internship in the eighth semester, I was interviewed by managers at B Ltd. The manager offered a challenging research project in area of cost estimation, which was not much explored in the manager's team. The problem was to estimate the cost of thermal insulation high accuracy. I researched various statistical techniques such as multiple regression analysis, analysis of variance, tests of hypothesis, etc. I investigated the problem, identified the cost driving variables, and formulated the mathematical model. Finally, I developed and validated the model to estimate the cost within the given confidence interval. The company achieved cost saving with the help of the cost model.

When I was in the eighth semester, I attended a seminar on advanced computational fluid dynamics at SBU. Industrial experts shared how they performed analysis of a humungous jetliner, temperature distribution, optimization of several parts, and so on. Many topics in the seminar were new to me and the seminar was an unprecedented experience. At the same time, I decided to explore advanced knowledge in computational fluid dynamics and thermal sciences.

After earning the undergraduate degree, I decided to join INR because I had a good experience of industrial research at the company. Exhaustive training in Pro Engineer Wildfire and ANSYS Fluent at the company helped me attain the strong foundation in CAD and CFD. I was responsible for developing, implementing and validating new cost estimation techniques for commodities for which no cost model was available to the team. Moreover, some projects required to suggest design modification for which cost will be lower. I learned professional skills such as working in a team, customer satisfaction, and importance of communication skills, effective personal-interpersonal skills.

While I was working with INR, I got an opportunity to work on a research project for 11 to 12 months at SBU. The project involved challenging problems in computational fluid dynamics so I joined the project. My problem was to determine the air flow distribution of a car. I was involved in the numerical analysis team. Initially, I started working on the 2D model. I modeled, analyzed and found out responses of the model in Fluent. In 2D analysis, I often evaluated certain responses manually the using theory of fluid dynamics and cross checked those responses with respective results from Fluent. After completion of the 2D phase, I went ahead for the 3D case. In the 3D case, parts of composite materials such as the carbon fiber were bonded to chassis. I modeled and analyzed different configurations of the specimen in Fluent and found out the responses such as the air flow velocity, the stress field, etc. Besides researching the main aim of the project, I researched on effect of position of composite patch and thickness of composite patch on the temperature distribution. Sometimes I was also involved in the experimental work: I participated in the test of the car in wind tunnel and collected the data. The project team incorporated my results into the published thesis. This research experience exposed me to various aspects of research methodology. I learned and studied concepts of computational fluid dynamics, thermodynamics, and composite materials. Furthermore, the research motivated me to undertake comprehensive study of thermal sciences.

Throughout my academic life, I participated in numerous activities which fostered creativity and innovation. To continue this interest in the professional manner, I applied for two patents. My innovations provide efficient cooling system for electronic chips and variable clamping force to connect chips to socket.

My research work evoked the strong desire to learn and to research in my areas on interest namely computational fluid dynamics. I want to learn courses in thermal science in holistic manner and enhance my knowledge and skills to undertake research. Therefore, I wish to earn the master’s degree in mechanical engineering. I intend to pursue a career as a scientist or consultant in research organization in the mechanical engineering domain. I have spoken to my professors, seniors, and colleagues about my choice of university and have applied to XYZ University because of its excellent research. The mechanical engineering department has thermal science as one of the thrust areas. Furthermore, the curriculum contains wide range of courses in thermal science. I have passion for thermal science, aptitude for research, appetite for challenges and desire to learn all I can. I would like to take with me, a network of strong and lasting relationships with professors and fellow-students in addition to knowledge in thermal science. I will be honored if I get an opportunity to pursue the master's degree in mechanical engineering at your premier institution.

[tip3r]

I highly suggest that you find someone to edit this for you. It contains way too many grammatical errors to be acceptable. Submitting it this way will drastically reduce your chances of acceptance.

My personal opinion is that the first paragraph is shallow. I think you should begin your SOP on a stronger note. The part about asking your adviser about the thermal analysis of cars is uninteresting. Including a conversation in your SOP is not a good idea. Moreover, the question itself points out several facts. I am a thermal science majored master's graduate and the way you have the question written makes me think that you do not know much about the field.

I apologize if my response seems harsh. It is my honest opinion.